Hey - I got a buddy who whose family did an intervention and put him in 30-40 day alcohol inhouse or whatever you call it where he stays there..rehab.
Hes my best friend but have not talked to him nor is he allowed. Can ya tell me in general what he may be going through..and how he might be feeling and more important how he is gonna feel when he gets out.
Thanks everyone, worried about him and I have known him since we were toddlers. He was not a violent man but he almost died in a car accident from drinking last year so I know this is good for him. He had a lot of stress with his business etc.
I would appreciate any information, so I understand and how to be a friend when he gets out, maybe some of the stuff in his head, what he will be thinking
I am taking a wild guess by what you posted that you feel that you are not an Alcoholic like I am.
1. If you are an Alcoholic or simply feel that you have a problem with alcohol your answers can be found by you attending AA meetings. AA can be found in your local phone book.
2. If you are simply a very good and true friend. You should check your local phone book for an organization called Alanon. Call them and start attending meetings they can guide you as to how to be a true friend and not enable your friend to continue a life that usually results in either being locked up or being dead and buried.
Sometimes I have a person wanting to ask me a question about a friend when it is really they that have the problem. If this is the case refer to answer #1 above.
In either case I truly wish the best for you and your friend. AA works best for most and most treatment centers rely upon it for a patients continued sobriety.
Larry,
-- Edited by Larry_H on Tuesday 16th of March 2010 09:06:26 PM
-- Edited by Larry_H on Tuesday 16th of March 2010 09:07:29 PM
I went through a 6 month drug rehab program. Not all programs are the same & will vary in rules, etc. Here's the program I went into. After 3-4 months you are required to get a job & have a chance at going to a transitional house. I lived on the top floor of a homeless shelter & was not allowed any contact with men during that time. We had a wakeup call at 6 am. Breakfast at 6:30 am & then our day started with classes with 2-3 hr breaks in between. I attended 2 groups a day. We were transported by van to AA meeting in the area 3-5 x's a week & weren't allowed to leave the facility without falculty supervision. Lunch at noon, dinner at 5:30. Roll call at 9:30 pm. Lights out at 11 pm. I was strictly suppervised during the first 4 months & then went to live in the transitional house. I was required to pay rent, go to meetings & attend 1 group a week on mondays. No promiscuos (sp) behavior. Meaning no guys in the house or running the streets. I lived in the transitional house for 1 year & then moved out into my own apt. During that time we had random drug screens which also detected alcohol at least once a week or more if you were suspicious for any reason like behavior, clouded screen, etc. In reality it was the best thing I stayed longer than I had too. I'm still in the drug rehab program on my own by choice. Still aloud to attend groups & participate & it helps the new girls when they come in to know I don't have to be there but am. They ask me a lot of question why I am still there, etc. I tell them I'm there because I want to stay sober & drug free.
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Thank you ! No, it's not me. My buddy is a great guy and one would never know there was an issue where there was a big issue. We are all in our late 30s but my buddy is the one who was the good time Charlie , nice guy , what we didn't know was the extent of the drinking, while we met up from time to time what we didn't know is he was drinking every day alot just by himself at home. I will google and check out that program. I was just curious to what they do at a center and how he will be feeling when he comes out, my wife and I agreed to support him all the way and we vowed not to drink around him . Not now, he's the brother I never had. I just want to know if this changes someone. Thanks for answering right away, I am worried about the guy. He's divorced with a couple young kids, suffering business and now this. But now we are thinking some of his issues are from the drinking so much. Thanks john
Welcome John, being supportive of him is the best thing you can do!
Being supportive is one thing...enabling is another. Don't get the two confused.;)
-- Edited by Tessa on Tuesday 16th of March 2010 09:40:43 PM
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Hey John, You obviously care about your friend and that is awesome. I never went to rehab, but I've heard in meetings that "Rehab is about Discovery, AA is about Recovery."
In my experience, the friends who have helped me most in recovery are the ones who let me know that they are proud of me, don't treat me like a Ming vase and don't give me eye-rolls when I "talk program" and say things like "one day at a time", "first things first" or whatever other AA mantra I have to pull out to get through a given moment.
My most supportive friends want to go fishing with me, not to concerts at bars. They want to go do sober-stuff. They don't call me at 10pm any more because they know I'm going to be in bed getting a solid eight.
You might want to consider posting this inquiry on the Al-Anon board, too. Al-Anon helps people deal with where they stand in the life of an alcoholic (I think).
Best To Ya and we should all be blessed with friends who care, Peace, Rob
No, but i do need to learn what to do. I won't enable him but need to check out that program Larry mentioned. Will he find friends that he can be close to in this rehab? He told me it was going to be 40 days. Or something like that. He literally had a couple hours to get ready to go to this, his family came over and that was it. They probably saved his life. I feel so bad and just wish I knew all he was going through but glad he's getting help.
When you all left rehab, did u feel there was hope and a changed person ?
I won't drink around him. But there are some people in our group who like their drink on the weekend.
Thanks again, really appreciate any advice experience you all have for me.
a big thanks! He managed to sneak an email to me and it was a short paragraph about his group/meeting and being positive. Funny you said that , I just got this email. That's all it said and I responded how proud I was of him and it takes courage. Etc
thanks for posting that! His whole life involved around alcohol and he's got some other friends I question, always a party and good time. Funny, In the email back I said we need to plan a fishing trip
I completed a 90 day program, and there's not a single part of my life that hasn't been changed. After all, I was told the only thing I had to change was everything. His changes will be entirely dependent on if he wants to change and how much he is willing to do for his sobriety. I really hate to be the "downer", but honesty and reality are called for here. Statistically speaking the odds are against him. I was told when I was in rehab that 3 out of 10 people who attend stay sober for 1 year or more. I was also told that those who are there due to an intervention are even less likely to succeed, and I have witnessed this first hand. Of the 16 people in the program when I was there, 2 have made one year (I'm 2 weeks away), 3 have died, and 4 (that I know of for sure) are back out. It took me many attempts, and 5 years of trying to get to where I'm at today. There were ALLOT of consequences, and many, many losses. Please don't get me wrong here, I want and wish the best for everyone who desires to live a life sober, but reality sucks sometimes. As far as what to expect, you need to understand that everyone works a different program, and no one can predict what he will be like. I can tell you this, they strongly urged me to let go of all my old friends, at least the ones who I drank with. I had to let go of many good friends, even those who weren't "drinking or using buddies", because I found myself trying to re-live the "good ol' days". Many of my them didn't understand because they just wanted to support me in my sobriety, but it was me removing myself from situations that caused me to romance the thought of ever being able to drink again. I still talk to some of them on occasion, but just can't hang out with them...at least not yet. I've replaced them with people in AA who really know how to support me, and understand me more than someone who doesn't suffer from the same disease I have. I now have friends who will do almost anything for me, day or night. They know that I would do the same for them. I really wish the best for him and everyone involved, and have said a few prayers for you all. I will continue to keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers.
One particular movie did an excellent job of showing the many aspects of being in a rehab. home.
The movie title is: "When a Man Loves a Woman". Yes it is about a couple....but it does not center around their marriage as much as it does ....the Process of Recovery.... in the beginning....
Just thought it might give you some insight on what your friend is now going through, as well as the changes that are sometime hard at times for those that are not alcoholic....
There are many more movies that do a good job of this subject, the names of those movies are not coming up in my memory, so maybe someone else might recall....One with Sandra Bullock is another one that is pretty right on as far as being realisitic.
You sound like a truly wonderful friend, also you and your wife might want to look up in the telephone book, Alanon, and go to one of their meetings....Alanon is a dedicated Program for the families of Alcoholics, and any person that has a relationship with an active alcoholic, or anyone in recovery as well.
