Day 5 today - good enough to make a post?

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Day 5 today - good enough to make a post?

Simple · Senior Member

Hi ElectricTwist! Five days is something to celebrate (as is every hour, every minute, but I digress!). I couldn't go long on my own without a drink, and when I did I was pretty miserable usually. That itch can spread quickly and strongly, so I hope you were able to get to a meeting. Do you have a sponsor, a homegroup and all that good stuff? This board has been a good source of strength for me and a reminder about the importance of working the 12 steps to maintain my sobriety, so I hope to hear back from you about days 6, 7, 8, etc!

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thanks so much for the support :) I appreciate it. I havent looked into finding a sponsor or going to a meeting or anything yet. Its definitely something I need to do, and I understand that (Ive posted about this so many times.). So far though, so good. Im at least proud that Ive made it this far without failing. Heres to day 6, 7, 8, etc, like you said :)

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Welcome ElectricTwist,

Keep on posting share and ask questions.

Meetings were necessary for this Alcoholics continued sobriety.

It was in meetings that I not only learned how not to drink, but I learned how to enjoy life. Prior to AA I was always angry or depressed or both. Now I have a joy in living that I never imagined possible.

Keep coming back and help us stay sober.

Larry,
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... the soul would have no rainbow
if the eyes had no tears.

~ part of a Native American Saying ~

LastOneLeft · Veteran Member

Congrats! Quitting smoking on top of it is really hard!

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Good job Twist, Day 5!!!

I am new here too so I had to look up when you started posting here, seems you have been trying since last November but are afraid to go to a meeting.

I have an observation, when Hard drinkers quit drinking they get better and their problems go away and they are able to stay stopped. When alcoholics quit their lives get more difficult and they are troubled by what we call "The Bedevilments"

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people

For me when faced with these of course I drank, who would want to live like that?

in step nine of AA those are lifted from us:

THE BEDEVILMENTS (page 52)		THE PROMISES (page 83)
We were having trouble with personal relationships.		We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away.
We couldn't control our emotional natures.		We will comprehend the word serenity and we know peace.
We were a prey to misery and depression.		Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
We couldn't make a living.		Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We had a feeling of uselessness.		That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We were full of fear.		We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We were unhappy.		We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We couldn't seem to be of real help to other people.		No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how your experience can benefit others. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
And, most of all,		We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

So good luck, I truly want to see you succeed and we are all here for you, However, just in case it doesn't go well for you this time, and you too are troubled by the bedevilments, or just wake up and drink for no apparent reason, I would like to point out what those of us that are sober have in common:

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42735&p=3&topicID=34602343

If you should drink again, and find it utterly baffling why you did so, here is where I found my answer:

http://www.healtalk.com/public/chapter-3.shtml

-- Edited by AGO on Monday 15th of March 2010 05:59:16 PM

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Awesome, ET! We can do anything...one day at a time. I'm so happy for you. Thanks for sharing that with us!

Peace,
Rob

Tray · Member

I'm very happy for you ElectricTwist. Keep it up!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Congrats ET, Awesome AGO! ET, the longer that you stay sober, the more that you're going to want to protect that sobriety. Get to a meeting.

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

Right on Electric. I'm on day 6 without smokes. Not easy, but talking about it helps!
What keeps you from going to a meeting? Is it pride? You don't think you belong? You might have talked about it before, but I can't remember. If you really think your an alcoholic, please consider going. Or maybe, try staying quit and if that fails consider it? Either way it can only benefit ya.
Peace........

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Day 8 no smokes...congrats justin and ET there... ET just go to a meeting. Most of them are fun and they are certainly not boring.... I friggin love meetings and I have from the start. I thought they would be something completely different than what they are. A big part of what keeps us going to meetings is laughter and this happens at meetings a lot. They are uplifting, moving, happy, sad, spiritual.... Can you tell I am a proponent of meetings?

Mark

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thanks everyone for your posts...

AGO - thanks for being so helpful. I will certainly keep in mind what you said.

Justin - AWESOME job....8 days is a huge obstacle. I have smoked for 3 years (which, I guess in the "Grand scheme of things" isn't horribly long....) but getting past the first 3 days were the hardest....i hope that you're finding support somewhere. Have you checked out any other boards similar to these that help? Way to go! :)

As far as me attending a meeting....I think my lack of motivation comes from a few different places. I think that first and foremost, it's a pride thing - it's kinda like, once I go - it'd be like fully admitting that I do have a problem, as well as fully admitting it to my significant other/partner/girlfriend. I'm certain that she would be supportive - absolutely - but it's almost like finally opening that can of worms....or finally laying ALL of my cards out on the table. And then, once I do go, what happens if I slip up? What happens if I have a drink? Then it's almost like i'd feel like MORE of a failure - not only for myself, but because of her. There's a difference if she'd see me drink and get a little too drunk and just brush it off as "well, it happens to everyone" or "okay, she drank, and she's an alcoholic - this is a problem." So I guess it's also facing the consequences.

On a similar note - after reading a few different posts on a few different occassions (including AGOs post this time) - i'm a little bit baffled. Part of me is 100% certain I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholism runs in my family, and i know I really can't have just one drink. I chase the buzz and the feeling of being drunk. While I don't need/want to drink every single day and while i'm not someone who suffers withdrawals etc etc - I do know that once I start, I can't stop. So that part of me - thinks I am an alcoholic. The other part, however, kind of goes back to AGO's post......where I think I just might be a heavy drinker, that needs to "watch it." When I stop drinking for a few days - I don't suffer withdrawal symptoms, and I feel good, and i save money, and i feel like a better person. I've never felt like alcoholism has forced me to fail in my every day activities...I have never lost a job b/c of alcohol....the list goes on. I guess what i'm trying to say is - I'm holding back from attending a meeting because I feel like i might be the odd one out. What if my problems aren't "big enough" for AA?

Hmm. Now I'm just rambling :) I do know that my drinking is an issue. And I do know that it CAN turn into a BIGGER problem (as a lot of you have pointed out), despite the fact that it might not be completely out of control, at the moment. So. I guess right now, i'm just trying to wrestle the thoughts in my head and figure out what they all mean. This board has been very helpful :) I appreciate and am thankful for all of you.
Thanks everyone.

msujmccorm · Member

ET,
I had the same reservations at my early meetings, Never lost a job, wife, no dui's, etc.. I was at a meeting Christmas morning just myself and an older gentleman. I pointed out that I sometimes felt guilty because I had not lost everything like all these other people, did I need to be here? The gentleman just looked at me and said "Don't blame yourself for getting off the elevator before it got to the basement". Had I kept on drinking the way I was I bet within 6 months I would have lost a significant number of those things.
Good luck.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey ET - congrats on 5 days (6 now I guess?)!

You've probably heard this a zillion times already, but nobody in AA can tell you whether you're really an alcoholic. Only you can know.

If you believe the Big Book of AA, an alcoholic simply has lost the power of choice in drink. When we start, basically, we don't know where we'll end up. In my experience, it could a one pint of beer night or it could be a 7 pints of beer (at least) night. I used to look at the one pint of beer nights as a justification in my mind for not being an alkie. I did that for years, even though I know that something wasn't right. What I very carefully overlooked was those 7+ nights and how many of them there were. After a lot of pain (.e. a lot more of the 7 + nights that had happened following a genuine intention only to have a couple - I mean I could have passed a lie detector test as to my intentions) I came to realize and admit that it was that very uncertainty as to which one of those nights it was going to be that meant that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.

I found meetings really helpful in putting a perspective on it and although I have had a slip or two in the year and a bit that I have been in AA, I have not had any 7 + nights. I know that if work this program, I don't need to have a 1 pint of beer, which in turn guarantees no 7 +.

I guess that I have found that AA is there for all of us, if we want to stop drinking. In fact, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, not even to be an alkie like me.

Keep coming back!

Steve

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Heya Twist, I am very happy you expressed your reservations and questions. Before any alcoholic can really begin on their recovery in AA they need to sit down and address these questions. In AA I have learned it's not how often we drink that makes us alcoholics, it's what happens when we drink. My father drank like 40 beers a day for something like 30 years, yet he wasn't an alcoholic. Why? because he was able to quit when it started affecting his health (he quit for ten years) and then when he resumed, he was able to drink in moderation. He is older, so he drinks one beer a night, after a few months, he bumps it to two. when he starts getting short of breath and gains weight he quits again for a few months. He was a heavy drinker. When alcoholics drink they develop the phenomenon of craving. Learning about this and whether you have this thing is Step One.

Now I didn't develop the "craving" every time I drank, but I couldn't tell you when it would happen, I couldn't tell you when I would go out for one or two, and instead be out UNTIL one or two. It didn't matter if I had responsibilities, or it was a work night, if I started drinking, I couldn't promise what would happen. I was a bar drinker, so it always appeared "circumstantial" but I would blow off dates, I'd party all night on work nights, throwing up the next day, and once again, not all the time, but the point is I couldn't tell you when I would lose control of my drinking, and when I tried to stop drinking, I couldn't.

I am powerless over alcohol.

That is step one.

Page30:

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

Like Steve said, only you can decide if you are an Alcoholic. The Program of AA doesn't really work unless you can do a first step, which is basically admitting you are an alcoholic. There are however some self tests you can take to get a good knowledge of your condition.

Personally, I have no idea if you are an alcoholic, although being utterly unable to quit for the last six months since you have been here, and who knows how long before that, you have to admit, must give you pause and have some questions. Well, maybe we can help, in AA we "qualify" or "identify" as alcoholics a few ways.

One that is helpful is the 20 questions:

The 20 Questions

Take this 20 question test to help you decide whether or not you are an alcoholic.

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
YES __ NO __

2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
YES __ NO __

3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
YES __ NO __

4. Is your drinking affecting your reputation?
YES __ NO __

5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
YES __ NO __

6. Have you ever got into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
YES __ NO __

7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
YES __ NO __

8. Does your drinking make you careless of your familys welfare?
YES __ NO __

9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
YES __ NO __

10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time?
YES __ NO __

11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
YES __ NO __

12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
YES __ NO __

13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
YES __ NO __

14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
YES __ NO __

15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?

YES __ NO __

16. Do you drink alone?
YES __ NO __

17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
YES __ NO __

18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
YES __ NO __

19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
YES __ NO __

20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution because of drinking?
YES __ NO __

What's your score?

If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.

If you answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.

(The test questions are used at Johns Hopkins University Hospital, Baltimore, MD, in deciding whether or not a patient is an alcoholic).

Another is AA's suggested test:

We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

The test I always used with sponsees if they had a question if they were an alcoholic was to challenge them to drink one and a half drinks every night for 10 days. If they could do that they weren't an alcoholic. That means 2 1.5 oz mixed drinks, 2 4 oz glasses of wine, or 2 beers. If you can drink one and half of the second one leaving it to be thrown away or throwing it away yourself every day for ten days, you probably aren't an alcoholic. This is a variation of a test devised by a Dr. The Mann test, or the Manfredd test or something, I don't remember the name.

The third was written by a Dr.

We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

So alcoholics experience craving after the first drink, can you put your name every time I wrote in red in the preceding passage and read it and see if it rings true for you?

Like This:

We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on Electric Twist is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to Electric Twist and never occurs in the average temperate drinker.

Electric Twist drinks essentially because she likes the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while Electric Twist admit it is injurious, Electric Twist cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To Electric Twist her alcoholic life seems the only normal one. Electric Twist is restless, irritable and discontented, unless Electric Twist can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which Electric Twist see others taking with impunity. After Electric Twist has succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, Electric Twist passes through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unlessElectric Twist can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of her recovery.

Electric Twist cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates Electric Twist , and sets her apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

This is important, does the preceding passage ring true for you? Did you find yourself nodding your head? Do you wonder how we know these things, and maybe think we are following you around? (I swear that's what I thought, I was like OMFG how did they KNOW???)

Now I have to admit I did derive some amusement from your last response, did you happen to read any of the second link I posted? It literally addresses every single thing you wrote down.

Here:

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.

so if you have any questions about whether you are an alcoholic or not, I am going to say the most frightening words anyone has ever said to me:

If you want to keep getting what you are getting, Keep doing what you are doing, it will become clear soon. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

For me finding out I was an alcoholic was the most liberating thing that has ever happened to me, I walked into my first meeting, and for the first time in my life was in a roomful of people that understood me, not just one, a whole room of people that felt like I did, who knew what I meant when I said I had been afraid my whole life, when I thought everyone else had been issued instruction on how to live life but me, who understood how I felt inferior yet superior to everyone, like I was this egomaniac with an inferiority complex, but the moment I drank all that slipped away. I immediately felt comfortable in my own skin. I was comfortable around people, and witty and charming, and I could talk to girls. I laughed and had fun.

Remember "The Promises"? The ones that the steps alleviate?

Here is another way to look at them, and why they were important.

when we drink we are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. when we drink will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. when we drink we will comprehend the world serenity and we will know peace. when we drink No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. when we drink That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. when we drink We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. when we drink Self-seeking will slip away. when we drink Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. when we drink Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. when we drink We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that Alcohol is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

So one way or another we need answers in order to live a happy, joyous and free life. As long as alcohol works for us to give us that, we keep drinking, for those of us that get sober there came a day when alcohol no longer worked. We couldn't imagine a life without drinking, but we couldn't imagine going on like we had been doing. We were at the jumping off point. Frankly we knew loneliness like few do, we knew pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.

AA works best for those that have the gift of desperation. For those who are out of answers. For those who have tried everything else. If you get to that point, we will be here for you.

Thank you for being honest, and keep us updated

-- Edited by AGO on Wednesday 17th of March 2010 01:54:43 AM

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

The 20 Questions

Take this 20 question test to help you decide whether or not you are an alcoholic.

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
YES __ NO __

2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
YES __ NO __

3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
YES __ NO __

4. Is your drinking affecting your reputation?
YES __ NO __

5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
YES __ NO __

6. Have you ever got into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
YES __ NO __

7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
YES __ NO __

8. Does your drinking make you careless of your familys welfare?
YES __ NO __

9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
YES __ NO __

10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time?
YES __ NO __

11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
YES __ NO __

12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
YES __ NO __

13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
YES __ NO __

14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
YES __ NO __

15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
YES __ NO __

16. Do you drink alone?
YES __ NO __

17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
YES __ NO __

18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
YES __ NO __

19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
YES __ NO __

20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution because of drinking?
YES __ NO __

What's your score?
If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.

If you answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.

What if I answered yes to EVERY question?

AGO · MIP Old Timer

SoberSteve wrote:
What if I answered yes to EVERY question?

Welcome

You are in the right place

I would add two more for you Steve:

21: Do you always have a "plan" that involves 2 or more people falling in line to have the plan work? (like if he loans me money and she lets me cover her shifts I can pay my rent and ....)

22: Are You the last owner of every car you own?

(Shout out goes to my buddy Larry in LA for these)

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

YES AND YES :)

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Sober Steve

You asked what if I answered yes to every question.

My answer is that you are not alone

Larry

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

Larry_H wrote:

Sober Steve

You asked what if I answered yes to every question.

My answer is that you are not alone

Larry

Thanks Larry.. I was getting a little depressed and worried... I realized I was able to check "yes" to a lot but as I got down the list I realized that I had yet to check a "no".

AGO · MIP Old Timer

SoberSteve wrote:

I was getting a little depressed and worried... I realized I was able to check "yes" to a lot but as I got down the list I realized that I had yet to check a "no".

Oh you were serious...yeah 20 for 20 me too, I did one once and one of the questions was "did you drink while you were pregnant" and I pitched a bitch because it ruined my otherwise perfect score and was like "WELL I WOULD HAVE DAMMIT!!!

anyhow, lets not hijack ET's thread, IMO this is pretty important

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

WOW. That took a little while to read :) I don't have a significant amount of time to offer a substantial reply (though i will, eventually), but AGO (and steve) - you were very helpful. I appreciate it.

I think that a lot of what was said, really rings true to me. While a lot of those "Yes / No" questions had me checking the box for "Yes," I find that often times, I make up excuses for it to be "okay to drink."

Additionally, inserting my own name into those sentences? Huge eye opener. I guess it just kind of hits home more when you make it more personal, rather than just saying, "the alcoholic." etc. You know?

These 2 paragraphs (from one of the links you sent to me, AGO) are SO ME....

"In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of what always happened. We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead or casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be."
----Again, I think that sometimes I come up with excuses. Annoying day at work? Let's get some drinks. Irritated with a family member? Beer will take the edge off (and NOT JUST ONE. ever. Sober Steve pointed that out....it's just really never one....it's always to catch a buzz). Even if it's a positive day - Nice outisde?...wow, sitting outside with a few drinks would be awesome. I NEVER think of the consequences at the time....it's only the next day, where I feel complete and total remorse....and wonder why the hell I picked up the drink to begin with?

"Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum."
----I kind of chuckled at this. Not because it's funny or a "laughing matter" etc, but it becomes kind of ridiculous when i think about it - it's almost as though i'm treating this as a "game" ---- how many days can i go, without drinking??? Maybe if i try to exercise, i can replace the drinking? It's almost like turning from one obsession to another. Completely.

I think that the bottom line is this - while i haven't completely "ruined my life" or caused any trouble or accidents, and if my liver is still in tact, and/or if i still am a fun person, etc, etc, haven't lost a job or money etc......i still know that I have a problem. And....as a LOT OF YOU have pointed out to me....just b/c it's not "Bad" now....doesn't mean it won't get bad in the future.

It's so true too.....that JUST when you think you are getting it together, etc.....it all kinda crumbles right in front of you. JUST when you think you can handle it all, and tackle your problems....you become totally fooled. Which is what has happened to me SO many times.

I guess it's time to really start trying another options. Clearly, doing it alone isn't working out so well. Despite the fact that it might work for a while?.....in the long run, I seem to fail.

I'm trying to take this all in. I really really really appreciate ALL OF YOU and ALL OFY OUR HELP!!!!!!!!!!

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Great stuff Twist, now you have a good working knowledge of what alcoholism really is and what it means to you personally.

You have been Honest and Open minded.

The third ingredient to recovery is willingness.

Willingness is measured by action, and has little or nothing to do with any noises that come out of someones mouth, willingness is quantified by action and nothing else, pure and simple.

There are two ways to get willing.

Get yer hiney to a meeting (Pink isn't well he stayed back at the hotel, woops slipped my leash, I mean Pink is right, meetings are fun and they make me laugh, there is nothing to be afraid of, you don't have to tell anyone, and the truth is, if you need to have a drink or two to get the courage up to go, go ahead. If there ever was people who understand needing a drink to do something scary it's us)

or just keep drinking until the wheels fall off

(I'll take drinking for 500 Alex AGO yells from the back of the room)

and they will fall off, a little worse each time, until you reach your bottom, and have pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Make no mistake, if you are an alcoholic, it WILL happen, no if's ands or buts. We always get worse never better, but what happens is we lower our "bottom", we keep lowering our standards, we are like frogs where the water gets warmer and warmer, and we don't realize the water is boiling until it's too late.

I will bet you dollars to donuts this process has already begun with you. I bet you have spent the last few years continually breaking promises to yourself, and slowly crossing lines you swore you'd never cross.

There wasn't a single one of us that said as a child "When I grow up, I want to be an alcoholic and sleep with strangers, and wet the bed, and have entire nights I don't remember a thing, and wake up day after day, week after week filled with shame, worry and remorse."

But then one day, there we are.

But we "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps" (which is as impossible as everything else we try) and we think to ourselves, if I just try a little harder, a little longer, it will be different this time and here's how.

So what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME?

.that JUST when you think you are getting it together, etc.....it all kinda crumbles right in front of you. JUST when you think you can handle it all, and tackle your problems....you become totally fooled. Which is what has happened to me SO many times.

You just told every single one of our stories with that statement. I would venture to say that every single person on this forum could write that though. THAT is what we all have in common right there. "Normal" people don't have that happen to them over and over and over.

Except in relationships, but that's a different program, we know the secret about those too but we don't tell you until you have worked the 12 steps

<---- He's TOTALLY lying with that last statement, he's obviously just trying to "hook" you now!

Seriously though, the ball is now in your court.

We will be here when you are ready to do the work, quite frankly, we will be here before you are ready, it just really doesn't work until you are ready.

I am very proud of you by the way, for telling the truth, that is a precious commodity, don't lose it.

-- Edited by AGO on Wednesday 17th of March 2010 09:15:52 PM

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Twist, How goes it? Did you find a meeting?

We care, really, let us know how you are doing

Sid · Senior Member

SteveP wrote:

Hey ET - congrats on 5 days (6 now I guess?)!

You've probably heard this a zillion times already, but nobody in AA can tell you whether you're really an alcoholic. Only you can know.

If you believe the Big Book of AA, an alcoholic simply has lost the power of choice in drink. When we start, basically, we don't know where we'll end up. In my experience, it could a one pint of beer night or it could be a 7 pints of beer (at least) night. I used to look at the one pint of beer nights as a justification in my mind for not being an alkie. I did that for years, even though I know that something wasn't right. What I very carefully overlooked was those 7+ nights and how many of them there were. After a lot of pain (.e. a lot more of the 7 + nights that had happened following a genuine intention only to have a couple - I mean I could have passed a lie detector test as to my intentions) I came to realize and admit that it was that very uncertainty as to which one of those nights it was going to be that meant that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.

I found meetings really helpful in putting a perspective on it and although I have had a slip or two in the year and a bit that I have been in AA, I have not had any 7 + nights. I know that if work this program, I don't need to have a 1 pint of beer, which in turn guarantees no 7 +.

I guess that I have found that AA is there for all of us, if we want to stop drinking. In fact, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, not even to be an alkie like me.

Keep coming back!

Steve

Steve,

Your post pretty much captured my drinking habits. Generally I could have a couple and stop without issue. However, too often I would also drink more than I intended with negative consequences. I too carefully overlooked those nights. All I know is I want to stop drinking, so that is why I recently started attending AA and will keep going back.