Im confused , what kind of relationship are you talking about ?????
A good sponsor will help guide you thru the 12 steps , therefor helping you to have a relationship with the God of your understanding.

Hey Fallen, I'm curious too. I agree that a sponsor can help you with the 12 steps. Indirectly that will help you with every relationship! Let us know more.

Fallen wrote:

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I'm in Morgan hill California. I'm a 35 yr old male. How do I interview a sponsor? How do I know who can help me the most? Or do I just share at meeting level and ask for direction from the group.

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Keep going to meetings and it will all be clear

 

Personally I got lucky, in that the first person I asked to sponsor me knew the answer lie in the first 164 pages of the Big Book, and that I needed to take the action outlined in that book to have a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.

 

I look for people who "have what I want", in that I look for the people who look happy and relaxed, who seem to have that have indefinable something around the eyes, that serenity.

 

I also look for people who say "I did" rather then "you should" people who share their experience strength and hope, and here we are getting subtle, but I look for people who share how they put the principals and steps outlined in the books into action in their own lives, rather then those that spout platitudes and slogans that seem unintegrated in actually applying those things in their lives.

 

One good test would be to ask for help with a relationship, anyone who offers advice about the relationship rather then the program of action that leads to sobriety would be a person I would run not walk from.

 

In AA we learn and pass on how to get right with ourselves and God as we understand God, then learn to align ourselves so our answers come intuitively.

 

We are not Life or relationship coaches, we learn how to stay sober one day at a time and how to pass that information on to others. We are not the arbiters of anyone's sex conduct. In many cases I have seen sobriety reunite relationships that seemed hopeless, that was my experience, unfortunately it took a few years of sobriety to realize the truth was alcohol was never the problem. The problem was we never really liked each other very much, although we burned with "love" and passion.

 

If you want to get and stay sober, we can help, after a period of sobriety, personally I found therapy and couples counseling helpful. We don't do that here, that is "outside help" but I have found therapy and couples counseling useless as long as the alcoholic continues to drink. Frankly, it's a waste of money, money that could be spent on drinking.

 

Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job wife or no wife we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

Now, the domestic problem: There may be divorce, separation, or just strained relations. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. That is, if he is lucky enough to have a home. Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected. If persisted in for a few months, the effect on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover they have a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little the family may see their own defects and admit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness.

After they have seen tangible results, the family will perhaps want to go along. These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. Of course, we all fall much below this standard many times. But we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.

If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interests of all concerned that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties.

Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. This just isn't so. In some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon.

 

All quotes from BB 1st edition

 

Edit

 

I just googled Morgan Hill, if you are deadly serious about getting sober and willing to go to any length to do so and not just trying to get sober to save your relationship, PM me, and I will start searching among my friends and acquaintances for someone near you, I am 100 miles north

-- Edited by AGO on Tuesday 9th of March 2010 10:26:59 PM