Guy who worked on my car last week after offering him $$ & him refusing now decides that I owe him....in trade!! Which I was in the process of taking him home from an AA meeting tonight since he lost his license for a DUI. Being the high tempered person I can be I pulled over along side of the road & kicked him out at the curb & told him he could walk home! Sorry, for the rant. I'm pretty ticked off right now!!!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
wow, just wow. I can honestly say that I've never worked for anyone in the program. I did help my sponsors son frame walls for an addition one weekend but it was a favor. Tessa, don't let idiot ruin your day or weekend. I thinks it's great that you kicked him out of your car, that was completely ridiculous.
My brother works full time & stays pretty busy. So, I never bothered to ask him to help me with my car. I called him up a few minutes ago & he's coming over Wednesday to replace another part on my car. At least I know I can trust my brother!!!!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Amen!!! Girl, that was the exact thing to do, I applaud you. Anyone who is that much of a CREEP deserves our full wrath!!!!! We don't have to put up with that sh** anymore and I am glad you did not! There are some people in AA who are just sick son-of-a-b***es, I don't care how long it's been since they picked up a drink.
Good for yOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(((((((((((((((MILLION HUGS)))))))))))))))))
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I've eventually learned that just as there some wonderful people in AA, so there are also some real tools. Sounds like you know how to deal with the tools. :)
Unfortunately he walks it all the time unless he's got a ride. So, he's used to the mile long walk by now! Now, that I've had time to laugh about it he did look kinda funny just standing there like a statue as I turned around & headed back towards my apt! Wished it'd been daylight & I could have seen the actual look on his face! LOL
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
There are some in the rooms that are complete and total assholes yes... When this kind of shit happens though, in order to not form resentment...I think it's best to just think he had feelings for you, the feelings motivated him to help you with the car to get into your good graces and to get closer to you. The guy was trying to make moves without just being honest. Unless of course he actually said "Hey, I fixed your car...Now gimmie some sugar." That would be super sleezy. Otherwise, it is just a friggin horny guy trying to make a move on a nice and good looking female and he did it in the wrong way, at the wrong time, and int the wrong place. He needs to work his program and learn some better boundaries. Just a suggestion of how to look at it so you don't stay fuming mad. The actions you took were appropriate and I hope he learned from it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
The guy that'd worked on my car had left a drill at my apt he said he needed to get so he could put some shelves up. I stopped by the apt after the meeting to pick up the drill before taking him home & he opened the car door to get out. Instead of inviting him in (it was after 9pm) I told him I was just running in to pick up the drill so he stayed outside while I ran in to get it. After I got back out & we started down the road he told me he wanted to come in & spend some time with me that he needed a little loving & proceeded to start rubbing my upper leg. I pushed his hand away & told him no. Then he flew mad & told me that he wasn't putting the other piece on the car & that I could get someone else to do it if I wasn't going to give him any!! I told him "fine, I will" & pulled over to the side of the road & told him he could get out & walk!! Now, that's sleazy! LOL
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
I attract those guys and have been pushing them away since I was a child (once I got big enough). That behavior actually seems somewhat normal to me and I expect it more than not.
Sorry you ran across it. It is no fun.
I find that they come in all shapes, sizes, color, ages, professions - and finding them in AA doesn't surprise me a bit. At almost 40 I can usually spot them before they even speak or look at me.
You handled it PERFECTLY!! Congrats.
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
Sorry you had to have any dealings with this a.h....you offered him money, there are indeed some very creepy as hell people roaming this world, just so glad you kicked him out.
It is just so damned irritating to have anyone mess up our days like this jerk did to you......
Over the years, it took time to really get that clear NO invisable bubble around me. But that works, the rooms of AA have always been about healing the body, mind, and spirit, of one of the deadliest of diseases, alcoholism....
and though we do become friends with some.....it has never been for meetings others to "hook up" find a boyfriend or girlfriend, but sadly for both sexes, it does happen, more to the unsuspecting new female, but it happens too to men.
You can spot it, it is called 13th stepping.....and the saying goes that a 13th step will lead you back to the 1st Step faster than....well you can feel in the blanks.
More that this creep from hell, hope for your sake that you have calmed your mind, and let it go....
I am never willing to let others spend time in my head, UNLESS they want to pay me some rent money....:)
Reminds me of my old "sponsor." Try to keep your business and personal life seperate. Remember everyone in the program jas their own set of issues, or they wouldn't be there. We're not all "bad," but we all have issues. Keep your eyes open, no blind trust.
Atleast, that's my opinion. There are alot of great people here, just be careful of who you put your trust in.
This is why men stick with men and women stick with the women in AA, especially, ESPECIALLY with those under one year, so these kind of things don't happen.
We're all here because we're not all there, but these behaviors go both ways, and frankly I stick with the men. Over time friendships with the opposite sex do develop, but these take time.
Over the years I have learned to trust people, now what I mean by that, is I have learned to trust people to follow their own nature. I have learned to "watch someone's feet". What I mean by that is I watch their actions.
Hypothetically, If I had met a female with less then a year (indicated by (s)he's attending meetings and his license is still suspended) and (s)he told me (s)he needed a ride, I would smile and introduce her/him to some (wo)men and walk away.
It protects both of us, and doesn't put me in a position where something like this could take place.
It puts the responsibility for my actions back on me, if I don't place myself in a position to be hurt, I can't be hurt.
Now this is a "given" in AA, that we stick with our own sex, especially in early recovery, now years don't make one healthy, I have seen this behavior from men with long term sobriety as well, but in allowing friendships to develop slowly, we discover these things about each other. These men and women that prey on each other for sex in the rooms do get known, thus they need to continue that behavior with new people.
Generally speaking, sex for services rendered is a male trait, in that I have seen that exact scenario used a number of times in AA, a male will fix a females car then pressure for sex. I have seen this scenario with my own eyes. So if a female of my acquaintance were to tell me about this, I would generally say "If something is too good to be true, it usually is"
What I mean by that, is if you just met some guy, and he's fixing your car for free, he probably has a hidden agenda. Now this isn't always true, especially in the program, we help each other for free or for fun, but if I ask only trusted members of my support group for help, I know I am not going to encounter someone with a hidden agenda. Someone who gives "gifts with strings".
Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment
Anyway, this is why we stick with our own sex especially in the early years, as our support group grows, we learn who we can ask for help, also, in this example, with a female support group, one of them can often recommend someone that will help, who will do so without a hidden agenda.
It's how we protect ourselves and each other.
So it all comes down to:
People hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we always find we have made a decision based on self that placed us in a position to be hurt
Anyhow, so if I was inventorying this, I would go back and look for my part.
Where was I selfish, self seeking, dishonest and frightened?
My part in this instance would have been, when I found out this man needed a ride to meetings, not simply introducing him to other men and walking away.
It would have avoided the entire situation
I think you did the right thing by tossing him on his keister when he started to "bust a move"
You go girl
-- Edited by AGO on Sunday 7th of March 2010 01:49:05 AM
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Ago, you have some very valid points. I guess in my own way I was thankful not to have to pay a repair bill & thus used him to work on my car. Being out of work & needing my car to get another job just made me go stupid I guess! I was perfectly content with him not charging me for work done. Not even thinking how things would end up turning out. Appreciate all the feedback. thx
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Okay Tessa...you were right...I'm an eternal optimist when it comes to everyone else but me...so yeah...That guy sounds like a totally sleezy dickwad. This wouldn't happen to you at the clubhouse I go to :) (all the men are gay). Of course you might have to fend off some lesbians though.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Im with Ago.. guys with guys and gals with gals . And I realize it might be kinda tuff to find a woman mechanic in the rooms. Not that there aren't women mechanics out there.
My sponsor told me once that God is not only preparing me for my next lesson, but will give me a blessing right along with it. Id have to say in this case you may have learned a lesson and that you were blessed as well in the fact that nothing bad came from this.
My husband and I both have employed AA ppl from time to time . And just recently my brain told me to use some common sense and stop doing it. 9 outa 10 times it doesn't work.
