I'm right in the middle of it. Got my list. Worked on the easier stuff first. Took a sort of break to work on something else important. Now, I'm trying not to get uneasy or fussy about continuing on. I feel like it would be good to have feedback related to ESH of others on this step. I imagine there are downloads I could listen to. Anyone have a favorite speaker for this step? Hoping this topic is OK and not redundant today. I'm looking forward to meeting my sponsor and reviewing too.
The desire to recover made doing a 9th step the best I could at all times. At all times has taken a lot of time. Some I got to quicker than others and some were not available when I searched so I made the amends along different lines as suggested by my sponsor. "....Except when to do so would injure them or others" is solid justification for me to think before I act as I could be throwing oil on the fire. Forgiveness from those I harmed wasn't an objective. If I got one I was grateful for the victims compassion and acceptance and love...If I did not I was grateful for the opportunity to say I'm sorry for what I have done and if there is anything I need to repay I will complete that. My best amends is never doing what I have done while drinking under any circumstances. If for some reason I fail at that the process comes full circle again.
A very good sponsor is necessary, for me, for this step. Stay the course.
Good Step. that #9. When direct amends were possible...I made/am making them.
When unable to make direct amends, I make amends to The Universe anonymously; put extra $$ in the AA basket, pick up litter, feed somebody's parking meter, volunteer for something...as long as I remembered the trespass the I was making up for, told God what it was that I was making up for, then I could cross it off my list.
I'm finding that in many ways, living a sober, honest, spiritual life is a form of amends. Amends not only to the people still in my life who I previously hurt, but also to the people to whom I was a "bad example."
Good Luck - it's an awesome and liberating undertaking and so, so crucial.
I'm starting to realize it's not so much as saying I'm sorry to those I've hurt. It's making changes in my life & becoming a better person. Those I've hurt knows that I have a problem with alcoholism & drugs & just the fact I'm getting better & not doing the things I did before is a way of making amends. I can always say I'm sorry but, if I continued to do as I'd always done all the "I'm sorry's" are totally useless & meaningless.
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Thank you everyone for replying. I guess I was looking for a pat on the back. It's gotta be hard for most everyone to approach this step. Well, I imagine no one is jumping up and down to get to it. I think I want to hear how the benefits outweigh the pain of changing (or staying stuck-which will kill me) It's all in the book, and I already know that those who have worked the steps have shared many of the same emotions. Faith in better things has gotten me this far, even when I had doubts about the here and now, I've listened to the voices of experience and experience says cook with the book. So I know I'll keep moving and ask for god's will for me.
Hey Angel, I actually look forward to 9th step opportunities. It feels good once you've done a few. Most people are pretty amazed at the process. I've had nothing but good results. Only less than positive comment someone made, after I made a financial amends was "it's about time" .
Meeting with my sponsor was invaluable. This was our 3rd or 4th effort on this step. This time I feel that I had a shift in perception, even though I'm sure she's had to repeat and review with me each time. I did one (financial) amend right there on the phone, and although I know this doesn't always happen-my word, it turns out it was officially purged. That's how I felt after doing it. The actual representative listed on the document from 15 years ago was on the phone for this big company and said clearly "It's done now, but thanks for calling".
Thank you all for your support. I think I'll keep on working it. Angela
