Lovely. Back to Day 1.

runnergirl · Senior Member

Lovely. Back to Day 1.

Tessa · Senior Member

It's not upto me or anyone else to determine if you're an alcoholic. Only you can determine how much you drink, can you stop when you want to or when you finally pass out, & if it's making your life miserable then you may be an alcoholic. I personally don't have a problem with others drinking because not everyone has a problem with alcohol. I just know I can't take 1 drink or I'll end up drinking more & become drunk & out of control. It'd be too embarrassing to tell you some of the things I've done drunk. First & foremost I'm an alcoholic. Maybe you are or aren't. But, AA will help you figure out if you are one. Try to find you a meeting today & go!! AA didn't tell me I was one...after a few meetings it was pretty self explainatory that I am!!!

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

90 in 90 or outpatient? How about both? Worked for me!

kld47 · Senior Member

Hi

Check out costs for both before you decide. There are hidden variables in each especially if you do not have insurance or if you are working and they have funds for the program.

I started an outpatient program, but had checked with human resource about it before hand--they had said it was a 50/50 Deal, then about 4 weeks into it found out they were not going to pay.

I was told either I start paying or I was out of the program, since the company was not paying I had to stop--I was told I owed $3,260.00.

So, check it out very carefully before you start any program.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Laurie,
Your not unique. Your story is very typical of a newcomer to AA. The guilt, shame and remoarse we feel can be brutal. You may feel like whale shit right now but it will get better if you keep at the program with honesty, open mindness and willingness.

It's the obession of all alcoholics to think that someday we will be able to drink like normal people. It's actually in the BB page 30 in the chapter: more about alcoholism.

Here's an on-line link to help you out.
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

Have you been attending meetings every day? Do you have a sponsor to call?

Your question of 90 in 90 or outpatient: both will work if you work it.

What about in-patient? Is that an option? Some have to be physically removed from alcohol for a period of time to gain clarity and a foundation. I did.

newcomer · Senior Member

Whatever works for you Laurie, I think your honesty is great and that this will ensure you get the help and support you need. Don't be so hard on yourself, get to meetings, get a sponsor,

tokengirl · Veteran Member

Oh my goodness, I truly like what Mike B. has to say about this matter. I personally needed to be placed Inpatient first. Once I was physically better I was able to look back over the past and relate to the information about alcoholism. Cause what anyone had ever said before I was detoxed from alcohol it just fell on deaf ears.

I was attention seeking to feel better about the mess I had put myself in repeatly. I knew in my gut what I was. Just wasn't willing to do anything about it. I pitied myself for years, until I started to physically harm myself and others! I just wasn't the type of drinker that could put down a few and go to work, keep the kids in school, or treat the people around me like humans. This is real, and it will keep getting worse! The worse that could happen is you go get help and find out you R an alcoholic. But truly that will just be the beginning to a new life for you! Cause guess what? There is help for that! We have a solution to your problem! Come Join us and see how we can help! Hope to hear about your experience in the rooms!

-- Edited by tokengirl on Friday 26th of February 2010 09:50:29 PM

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Runner...yep that pretty well describes alcoholism. The compulsion followed by
the allergy...the mental anguish and emotional pain are part of the allergy. Wouldn't
have happened if you had not drank. Went to a meeting with a bottle of wine in your
gut...not unusual for a practicing alcoholic.   You're not a worm you are alcoholic it is
a medical condition and disease. When you drink inspite of the information and the
experiences that for me was the sign that it owned me in spite of my will and desires.
I kept drinking inspite of it all and like many it came close to claiming all of me.

90/90 and in patient? The 90/90 is economically very good...free!! In-patient? I
don't know I can't even remember what we charged when I was on the other side of
the desk in a major rehab.   I do know that if you are willing and have the capacity
to be honest either and both will work however you gotta want your life back more
than you want anything else including the next drink.

There is only one person on the face of your earth that can stop your drinking and
that as you already know is yourself with the help of a power greater than yourself
and a program filled with recovering alcoholics willing to guide and support you to
the process. Everyone is in place all that is needed is you.

In support.   "Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become
unmanagable." Do you agree?

(((((hugs))))) smile

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Alcohol is not your friend anymore runnergirl. When I stopped, there was this huge ass void and I felt so empty and lost. I had to be in meetings all the time with the loving support of fellow alcoholics and my sponsor whom I called daily. Yes the 90 in 90 worked for me...either way, once the 90 is up, you still pretty much do another 90 in 90 cuz you realize it's working something good. Even if you go to in-patient, you still have to work a strict program when you get out so starting daily meetings now is a good idea. This is your life and making that meeting and calling your sponsor daily is the medicine most of us seem to need. I still go to a meeting daily, call my sponsor daily, cuz even though the obsession for alcohol isn't there now, I gotta work on me and grow spiritually or I will drink again. Praying for you...and don't be so scared...it will be okay...stay close to the program and it will...I promise.

Mark

Dave Harm · Senior Member

I did outpatient... mainly because I couldn't afford to miss work. Along with outpatient though, I knew some "heavyweights" in the program and they took care of me. They drove me to meetings... they called me and kept me away from my worst enemy... not booze... but rather me.

I had a few slips in the past... I'd make a month... maybe two and then start drinking again. My last slip came in 1994 after five and half years sobriety. Everytime the shame that came with it got worse.

But I do believe that no alcoholic quits drinking until they had that last drink. Even though I had over five years sober... I still didn't have that last drink.

And that last drink taught me something. Up until that point, I had no problem admitting I was an alcoholic... but that last drink helped me accept that I am an alcoholic. That there was no control. I was powerless.

And also like you, when I returned to AA, my first meeting I was quite drunk. But I needed all of that to happen to find the happiness and peace of sobriety.

Don't beat yourself up... it's the dawn of a new day...

ljc · MIP Old Timer

It took me a long, long time to figure it out that if I didnt drink I wouldnt get drunk.

It took that last drunk I had to finally realize that I was gonna die if I didnt stop drinking.

Sometimes that is what it takes for alcoholics who are willing to do anything to stop drinking.

It was then and only then that I became as willing as the dying to be to listen to my Sponsor and pray to God that He help me. I started diligently working the steps and I surrendered to the fact that I had this illness and I was NOT going to be able to drink ever again. Not socially, not in any way shape or form could I put alcohol into my system.

It has been my experience personally that when I didnt work the AA program the way it is designed, I failed. It tells me in Chapter 5 .. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed Our path. Those who do not completely give themselves to this simple program are ppl who cannot or will not see our way of life.

When I let go of my way, and started the AA way, I got better.

AA certainly isn't the only way to get sober. But its the only way that works for me. And it has worked for millions of other alcoholics as well. Ive seen proof of it.

Alcoholism is serious business . It is a matter of life or death for some of Us.
Im so thankful that God allowed me to live long enough to realize this.

mikef · MIP Old Timer

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol(can I have one and quit,not crave it,dream about it,wait till the next one etc)and our lives were unmanageable(sobbing uncontrollably,trying to hide sobriety,feeling like I am worthless,life's falling apart,etc)There is literature(without violating our 6th tradition)that tells us its not how much or what we use(drink)but how we react to it.We have an allergy to the drink that makes us different than others.In the Big Book there are tests you can take to determine "your qualifications"but by looking at our first step and being honest where you fit you can save yourself years of devastation!.We have a disease that tells us we don't have a disease>>>When you can make an 'HONEST ADMISSION" TO STEP 1,you'll want to fill the void by 'coming to believe THAT a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity..(not who or what the power is but what this Power can do to help you in your recovery)When you can turn it over your life will look different.I also highly suggest meetings and listening for sponsorship and learning about the disease of addiction,physical,mental and spiritual.Didn;t want to sound preachy ,just I hear you struggling and know you can find a new way of life.For that I will pray.. smile

Tessa · Senior Member

I was actually admited to a 6 month in-patient facility. After 4 months I was released to stay in a transitional house with the same inpatient rules although we had a little more freedom like walking to a meeting, etc. During the first 4 months I wasn't allowed outside the facility other than to go to work without suppervision. All in all I spent 16 months under supervision. Finally last October I was released from the rehab & my probation officer to rent my own apt & venture out on my own. Actually I had no home to go to outpatient & was just released from jail to the rehab. I don't think if I would have had a place to go out patient it would have worked. Because I was under the control of the facility & wasn't allowed a minute to myself which kind of sucked because I'm not one to get along with other women. Too dramatic & irritating. It forced me to get along with members of my own sex although I don't much now. Hard to explain being a woman & can't stand hanging out with other women. The moaning & groaning get's old after awhile. Guess I'm above all the dramatics.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Laurie , put the baseball bat away, you're not a bad person just trying to sort this out. It took me 2 years, with a little effort you should beat me by 20 months or so. You said that you're a writer, start writing the pros and cons of drinking and why or why you should not drink. Then set some goals accordingly. I don't know a thing about outpatient, and I was too dysfunctional to show up on time of certain days. Still now real great with calendars, but If I know where an AA club is , my car will drive me there for meetings.
Keep bringing the body and the mind will follow.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

At my Big Book meeting tonite (UK time) we were reading part of the chapter "More About Alcoholism." It really describes my own experience and I can definitely relate to yours Laurie.

Basically, as an alkie, I suffered from an obsession with alcohol (lifted today, thanks to AA -- but back immediately with a vengeance if I stop working AA) and continue to have the scientific certainty that I can never have just one drink. Ever. I have absolutely no control over that. That's just the way it is. You may or may not be in the same position as me but I know that it took me a few relapses before I could admit that to myself in the core of my being.

The great thing though, if we really work this programme and get to meetings, the Big Book tells us
that we won't even think about drinking. I believe it, I've seen it. So hang in there and keep coming back. And all you gotta do is not take that first drink today.

Best

Steve

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi Laurie,

Feel for you with your struggling.....sometimes that sort of nagative self talk can just keep us so down in a pit of low self esteem......this might seem just a tad simplictic, but how about a little piece of paper, a pen or pencil and before you begin each day, just right down five things that you are so greatful for.....it can be truly amazing how that can work on you self image all day long.

Sometimes I feel, just my little opinion here, that your reluctance to just throw yourself into the AA Program and get into the center of a meeting and repeat, ok, here my 2 cents, you are worried about the never ever ever ever being able to drink again.......if you simply surrender to the AA Program, the Steps, the Sponsor as the Guide through those steps....

Just a little imput to my 2 cents above, it does not take that long in the AA Program to just not ever want to drink again. just one day at a time. But speaking for myself, I would rather my HP, whom I choose to call God today, that HE would allow me to accidentally run into a tree with a 4 ft. diameter, and not make it out alive......in other words, I would rather be 6 ft. under before I ever picked up a drink again....

Hope you will let us know about an Outpatient program. But how about trying the 90 meetings in 90 days and if that did not work for you, then try the additional program.

I am a woman that went to an out patient Program, more for my family encouraging me to to....but I did not stay sober, you have to want it for yourself...

well feel like i am rambling now, just wanted to say hi, and thinking of you.

Take care,

Toni

Dodsworth · Senior Member

"...when I'm alone I am done for"- Game. Set. Match.

Yup, that's my alcoholism