How is this sponsor/sponsee thing supposed to work?

runnergirl · Senior Member

How is this sponsor/sponsee thing supposed to work?

Tessa · Senior Member

Actually it sounds like your sponsor is doing what she's suppossed to do. By letting you get in touch with her & ask questions, etc tells her how bad you want to stay sober. A sponsor is not your friend, taxi, counselor, bank, etc. They are someone to help you work through the steps & sometimes offer advice. If you want it bad enough you should keep in touch with her....not the other way around.;)

Here's a pdf version of the literature on sponsorship you can read online that may help answer some of your questions.

http://www.aa.org/catalog.cfm?origpage=161&product=17

-- Edited by Tessa on Thursday 25th of February 2010 05:35:31 PM

-- Edited by Tessa on Thursday 25th of February 2010 05:35:59 PM

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

My sonsor told me that he won't chase me, he says I should call him. Like he says, your doctor doesn't ring up to see how you are.

I repeat this to my sponsees - you want to get and stay sober, you chase me.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Ditto that.
I contact my sponsor and ask him what he wants me to do next. He tells me and i do it because I want to stay sober and he knows how to stay sober.

Peace,
Rob

ljc · MIP Old Timer

The Sponsor is the teacher and the Sponsee is the student.
If you want what We have and are willing to go to any length to get it .....

My attitude use to be this ... Hey, Im sober, and if this gal wants to stay sober, she will do what I suggest. If she doesn't call me or make the attempts to get together to work the steps, then so be it. I dont need her, she needs me.
Well, that really is kinda wrong thinking on my part. I need her as much as she needs me. Now that doesn't mean that I chase her. It is her responsibility to stay in touch with me so that we can work the program together.

Most times if I dont hear from a sponsee after a few days or so, if the Spirit moves me, then I will pick up the phone and call her.
All the while I am praying for this new person, always asking God to direct me on the best way possible to help her.

I must remember that I cannot keep what Ive got, unless I give it away.
The book tells me that my constant thought of others and how I may be of help to them will save me.

Also , as has been mentioned ... the AA phamplet Questions and Answers on Sponsorship is very, very helpful.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

RG, that's the way it's played. If sponsors called sponsee's it would be perceived as a parent- child type of relationship instead of teacher-student. The sponsee has to really want it to get sober. Want = effort expended. I've had several sponsors that wouldn't return my phone calls to their answering machines and they were the best ones and consequently had quite a few sponsees.

louisa · Senior Member

I had always felt 'under pressure' from others to get sober and resented it.

Had my sponsor taken to phoning me I would have felt Iwas being checked up on like a child, suffocated and run a mile.

I say "had my sponsor taken to phoning me". One did - God! I got very angry and also started to dread the phone - anyway I moved on to a healthier sponsor who played by the rules and where I didn't feel I was fulfilling HER neediness.

My understanding is that it is always the sponsee who does the chasing for the reasons AAs have pointed out above.

Lots of love,

Louisa xx

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

You call your sponsor. The sponsor holds you accountable. I was prone to making a lot of rationalizations early on about why I couldn't do this or that...My sponsor made me realize it was my own BS and I had to treat my alcoholism and develop a program. That is how it worked in the beginning. Now it is more about working through the steps fully while I attend meetings and carrying all this stuff I have learned into my life. At first I used my sponsor to help me just stick to a meeting schedule, be accountable, work the first 3 steps and simply not drink. Just my 2 cents on how sponsorship worked for me early on and now.

Mark

P.S. Runnergirl - You call your sponsor if you feel the urge to drink. You don't sit with it and ruminate about it and then let your disease win. That is also what a sponsor is for. It is okay to utilize a sponsor. It is okay to take the help. They know what they signed up for.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 26th of February 2010 03:00:13 PM

newcomer · Senior Member

I call my sponsor, sometimes she calls me but usually that is to ask a question as I go to meeting in another city also because I study there and frequently she might need literature on meeting times there. I usually speak to or text my sponsor once a day and would see it as a teacher-student relationship. When under pressure I have rang her late at night and have no bother doing that, sometimes she was not there but it helped even to leave a message and I rang another AA member.

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

My sponsor has insisted on daily contact, and I continue to check in with her daily, largely because of concern related to my work position as a bartender. I sought her out via the contact list, and emailed her. Because we established that we can communicate effectively that way, email has been our primary way of staying in touch daily. I meet with her regularly about step work. I try to phone more often now that I'm not feeling so shy about it. She has only phoned me once, to confirm our scheduled meet time. However, she answers my emails every morning, and returns call promptly, within the hour, or several hours. She lets me know ahead of time when she will be unavailable. I am to call her immediately when necessary. I can call other members too if I can't call my sponsor. I got a contact list for every meeting I go to.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Runnergirl, you do the running. That way you know your recovery is your own & you're taking the lead. You'll get well as quick as you want to obviously in God's time also. If I chase my sponsees I would get sick quite quickly around it & not know where the boundaries are.

I tell my sponsees I can offer them what was given to me & it's upto them to call as they require. If that leaves me with plenty of time then I can be there to help to someone else. I still call my sponsor as & when. She never calls me but when I do call she gets back to me straight away so I know her commitment.

This feels amazing for me & what I offer mine too. They know the onus is on them. It can still be hard for me as I want to get in touch & ask how they are so at these times I have to pray for them which brings me peace again.

I own my own recovery & it's not for me to deprive anyone else of the beauty of the reward of picking up the phone & receiving what is needed by our own efforts.

I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me. I've done a lifetime of that for myself. I spend my days growing out of old behaviours today.

Keep moving in the right directions, Sister. Recovery love, Danielle x