first meeting....

LastOneLeft · Veteran Member

first meeting....

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

Seems to me that in order to stop drinking you need to take this program a bit more seriously. This is a fatal disease we share! Only you put the alcohol in your body, no one forced you. You had good intentions and you were even on the way to a meeting. You should have went to the meeting or at least home, the bar is the worst place you could have went. Go to a meeting now tonight, even if you drank. I went to a few drunk and it still helps. I have faith in you but you need to have it in yourself. You can do this. You are not alone. I will pray for you!

kkotz401 · Senior Member

I am sorry to hear this happened, but you really should give a meeting a try. It will help you learn what steps you need to take to get to sobriety. Call the aa hotline number if you feel you need a drink. They have people there who will help you out. Don't give up hope! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

Hey man I feel for ya. You're just afraid of the unknown. Been there and done that - in fact, I really doubt if I would have walked in the door myself if I hadn't had the court system behind me giving me that invisible push.

I don't know if I can help any - since your steering wheel seems to take over for you (as it has for many of us), perhaps you'd be better off having your wife drive you to your first meeting. Ouch, there's a chunk of pride you'd have to swallow. Maybe it'd be better if you had a complete stranger pick you up - I bet if you call the AA hotline they can hook you up with someone who would be willing to drive you to your first meeting. Here's a list of numbers: http://anonpress.org/phone/

The first thing you need to realize is that this is a "we" program. If you can't get through the doors on your own, you might wanna get help for that because once you're through the doors, you're still gonna be relying on the rest of us to help you (and we'll be relying on you too, in time!)

In case the above doesn't help, and you'd still like to try and get through those doors on your own, let me just give you a quick idea on what to expect, to hopefully lessen the fear of the unknown.

First off, nobody's gonna make you do ANYTHING. One time we even had a newcomer who didn't want to sit down - he just stood in the doorway. Nobody tried to convince him to take a seat. We're all alcoholics, and one of the defining characteristics of that is that we don't like being told what to do. So we're sure as heck not gonna tell anybody else what to do either (at least not other alcoholics in an A.A. meeting). Why would we bother, we know you wouldn't do anything you don't want to do. Besides, we're all much more concerned with saving our own skins! lol

But we will put ourselves out for someone who really wants help, because it's our obligation since that's what was offered to us when we came through the door. It's just that it will have to be your decision to ask for it (or accept it if it's offered).

You don't have to announce your name, you don't have to say you're an alcoholic, you don't have to say you're new, you don't have to stay through the whole meeting if you don't want to, you don't have to talk at all or even look up from the floor. You can just find a chair in the corner (if you get there early enough) and stare at the ground and listen. If by some strange chance the chairperson does ask you to speak, you can just say "I'd just like to listen, thanks." Or even just make a little "no" motion. Whatever. Have I gotten the point across that you don't have to do anything?

Oh yeah, and walking through the door does not constitute an admission of defeat, or an admission of guilt, or an admission that you're an alcoholic. It just means you're interested in getting some information about alcoholism. Means you're a smart guy, smarter than most drinkers! Who wouldn't want more information about some of the stuff we put into our bodies? Well, most of us, as it turns out. Tough luck for most of us. Good luck for you! And good luck to you.

Glenn

Tessa · Senior Member

You know I remember in your first post earlier you mentioned having broken ribs & not knowing how you got them. Do you have blackouts? Just curious since I came too in the bar's parking lot with my face torn all to heck & my entire body hurt all over. My right side was numb for about 5-6 months. I walked with a limp. Sort of dragging my right leg. I didn't receive treatment because I landed in the county jail for 3 months. Truely there is no medical treatment in those places!! Although they refer to it as receiving medical care!! I wish I had a pic because I totally looked like a freak show. Being an epileptic I thought I'd had a seizure & fell in the parking lot. Took over a year to start having flashbacks & realize my abusive BF had beaten the crap out of me. I was sitting in a meeting & the entire scene flashed before my eyes & it hadn't even crossed my mind. Not sure if something said in the meeting triggered my memory or what happened. But, I don't want to keep living the hell I'd gone through to get to where I'm at now!! Is this the way you want to continue? If the answer is no....get to a meeting & find out how to stay sober! Good luck!!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Just keep trying last one left. Nobody's perfect. I detoured plenty of times, on my way to meetings, in the first couple years. That just brought up a couple memories of me driving around drinking while my former wife thought that I was at an AA meeting. You'll make it if you want it.

louisa · Senior Member

As Dean said,

"Just keep trying last one left. Nobody's perfect. I detoured plenty of times, on my way to meetings"

I did too Last One Left, many times ..........but I did get there in the end. Even after my first meeting I said to the friend who had given me a lift ...Oh AA said I can moderate my drinking so I need to go get some drink....(LIE)! ! My journey in the beginning like countless other members who are sober today was really really patchy!

Don't beat yourself up about it........just try again.........you keep trying and it WILL happen.

Lots of love,

Louisa xx

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

This is from the big book of alcoholics anonymous:

Written in the 1930s but still so applicable to me and I know others:

More about Alcoholism:

No person wants to think he is bodily and mentally different than his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

LastOneLeft · Veteran Member

God,I dont even remember posting on here last night.I was out the door and on my way and the next thing I know Im slamming beers and shots like Im shipping out tomorrow...Im totally hung over ,I wont drink when Im this sick.I found a meeting at 7:30 am today. Im going. I'll make it to this one.
Yes Tessa I black out almost every time I drink.I Binge drink fast and hard-Its embarassing...

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

The thought of living a sober life is scary. Thoughts like "How will I live without alcohol?" "Life will be boring and no fun" "I'm losing my best friend" "I won't be able to hang out like a normal person" "I will never be able to relax and kick back again" Those were the thoughts that kept me drinking way past time to stop. By the time we start having black outs all the time, it is usually because our bodies are damaged to the point of not processing the alcohol and metabolizing it properly. Hence, we black out after only a few drinks.

Don't listen to your fears. Most all of us were active drinkers because we were governed by fear. Alcoholism is a mental disease that extends beyond just drinking a liquid intoxicant. It is truly a disease of perception and when fearful, we are most likely to drink. You don't have to be afraid of AA. It's the place where I feel safest now... You are already halfway done with step 1: I hear you loud and clear that you recognize you are powerless over alcohol. That is actually not a bad start cuz others don't get to that point and they just die. It is a hugely uncomfortable place to be in to realize "Yes I am an alcoholic" and to then drink anyway. It would be like saying "Yes, I have 2 broken legs and I am going to run a marathon anyway." Does not compute... Let this experience just shore up your resolve and willingness. One day your story of sobriety will include how alcohol is so cunning, baffling, and powerful that it literally tried to block your path to AA. You don't need to let alcohol continue to kick your ass....nor are you ever going to be its master...it has mastered you and it mastered the rest of us here. Prayers are with you!

Mark

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Hey Man,when the pain out weighs "everything else' maybe then you'll make it!.You got to really want this..I suggest not projecting anything like,well what will I do now?,mean I can't ever have a drink again?,can't party at the bar,what about my friends who drink etc That stuff's overwhelming all at once........JUST SHOW UP,feel the love ,ask for help and you can begin "a new way of life"You didnt get here overnite man,so this is going to take some 'work"weigh the options "DEATH OR LIFE"its what I had to go.Today is a new day,Run ,don't walk to the next meeting!!! Hope to hear back how it went....peace man!! smile

murrill · Veteran Member

LastOneLeft wrote:

I was on my way to my first meeting,I ruined it ,I and I just made it to a bar. I drank and drank...I never made it to my first meeting..,, fuck. why cant i get myself there....Why cant I my hands are
please

That first step is a doozy, isn't it. I remember thinking that if I ever went to an AA meeting that I would be admitting that I was an alcoholic---and I certainly didn't want to be one of those people.

I also feared that if I went to AA that there would be no turning back: I feared success, feared that my "drinking switch" would be turned off....and then what would I do? That was the scary part, the idea of living without alcohol. I was so darned miserable before I ever had my first drink, and with time it became even worse. How could I be expected to live with myself without benefit of alcohol.
So enter AA: Notice that only the first step mentions alcohol. The remainder of the steps are a design for living. They provided the tools I had never had. The steps taught me to live with myself; the traditions taught me to live with other people. I used to argue that if I could get my "head" straight that I wouldn't be such an awful drunk. My reasoning at the time was that I was pouring alcohol into a festering wound, so if I could heal the wound the alcohol wouldn't cause so much pain. Of course, I would later understand that nothing would get better until I put down the drink.
I once lived in a town where a nightly AA meeting was held next door to a bar. You are not the first who has chosen to go to the bar. Many have done just what you did, and I know quite a few who are happy, joyous, and free today. You cared enough to come back here & tell us about it, so I think you stand a chance.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey that Last One Left, thanks for being and for coming back.

Before my first meeting, I was literally shaking with fear. Part of me was having an out of body experience going into it, watching me do what I thought was this stupid thing. I was sure that I would be confronted by a bunch of whiny losers, who were going to be jumping up and down and hugging and doing all sorts of dumb things. I felt that I too would be the loser.

It wasn't anything like that. I left that meeting feeling recharged. As has been said above, nobody is going to make you do anything, that's the beauty of this Fellowship.

Since them, an old-timer told me: when in doubt, all you've got to do is not take that first drink and get to a meeting. He also said, if you don't like that meeting, then just find another one. That's it.

There have still been recent times when I thought that having a drink would be nice, that just one drink would make me feel relaxed. When that I happens, I just tell myself that I can always have a drink tomorrow, but I'll just get thru today without one. Textbook AA: and it works! :)

IF you want to stop drinking, just try a meeting.

LastOneLeft · Veteran Member

I Went to a meeting this morning. It was easier than I thought i.I just listened today.Didnt say my name or anything. I thought it would be a bunch of people crying and feeling bad about themselves and making eachother feel guilty.But it wasnt, it was a very positive enviornment and experience.
People said hello ,but didnt try to yank my life story out of me.No one asked me to tell them all the bad things Ive done.They just said " Hey we're glad you came" & "come back" .
I didnt expect to see such a variety of people,Older succesful looking people,young people,just regular people. Hope that dont offend anyone,but I guess I thought everyone would be down and out and in the gutter... Im glad I went and I was happy to be there.Im going to another meeting Sunday morning.

Someone was talking about having to let go of the past regrets and mistakes to move forward.that makes alot of sense to me.
I also like the idea of "One Day at a time".. Its much easier to try and get thru 1 day without thinking about getting thru every other day after that.
I cant make any promises yet except that I am going back tomorrow,and Im going to give it my best shot. like the guy said "All I have to do is get thru THIS day.
-Thank you for reaching out to me.

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

Man, I'm glad to hear about your first meeting. I used to call the car taking over for me going on autopilot. Like I had no choice in the matter.
A.A. is definitely a positive way to stay sober. It's nice to look back and be able to laugh over some things I used to cry over. A.A. has done that for me. My past is no longer this horrible thing that pushes me to drink. One of our daily readings said that our past is now a tool to use to share with others in the program. We share our experience, strength and hope.
When I came to A.A. it totally ruined my drinking. Talk about guilt and shame. It's horrible to take that 1st drink when you know there is a solution and better way to live.
Keep posting Jerry! We all love to hear from you! Peace....

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

I am so proud of you LastOneLeft!!!! They get easier each one, soon you will find yourself sharing! I knew you could do it!!!!!

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Now we're laying the groove in the pocket!!!Keep showing up you dont have to get it for now,just keep comin back,Just for Today you dont have to drink.Proud of you man,its a big step,believe me God will work out the details and if you don't believe,then we 'll believe for you until you do!!!!!Picture this a "SATURDAY"NOT TWISTED!! Thats the miracle...................................... smile

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Yay! and furthermore, Yay again!! Sounds like typical AA...good stuff! P.S. You reached out to us and thank you for that. It helps us help you!

Tessa · Senior Member

Glad you made it to a meeting!! Why wait until tomorrow? Maybe you can find another meeting tonight.;) If it werent for the people in the meetings who took me under their wing I'd done gone back out by now. But, so many people dove in to help me recover that I have no need to return to drinking. I'm a few days short of 2 years but I've taken the meetings & my sobriety seriously. Not, saying I'm not ever going to relapse. It can happen. But, I have the tools I need to prevent that. Only if I'm willing to use them. Good luck!!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

LastOneLeft wrote:

I didnt expect to see such a variety of people,Older succesful looking people,young people,just regular people. Hope that dont offend anyone,but I guess I thought everyone would be down and out and in the gutter...

and just what do you mean by "regular people"

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jerry,

A Good Morning to YOU!

What a great way to start this little day of mine.....
Yep, did that one countless times, husband insisting I go to one, and to just satify him, I would go find a place, buy some Alcohol, and of course a ton of good strong breath mints, cannot tell you how many times, I came home to "well Toni, so proud of you" I was not ready....that was then...

What turned into a full circle of "Experience, Strength and HOPE, was this Post, that you titled, "First Meeting".....how truly amazing that you did indeed get to one, in a 24 hour period, so that this Fabulous Post ended in the Hope column.

Congratulations to you, please give yourself a big pat of the back, you DID it, you made the meeting.......

The undercurrent that I feel from you is that more than anything you do want to put an end to the misery of all that you mentioned when you first posted earlier this week, you are today an inspiration to many that just might be lurking into this site, no know what to do about their drinking......

Loved something that someone said the other day.....Thinking about going to a Meeting.....well go instead, and think about it at the meeting!

You are never alone in your nightmares, I had or lived in two years, maybe longer, of those freaky black outs...and I believe what Mark said, an indication of an advanced stage in the body.

This year, in September, only the Grace of God will I celebrate 20 years of continueous sobriety...one day at a time is indeed very important....never in a zillion year would I ever take any one of those days for granted.

Sounds like you woke up earlier than I did today, that is for sure, :), then you have more sobriety that I do today....
that's the record in the Program.....24 Hours.

Great Thread, the Thread of the day, my take....

A Giant Hug, Toni

-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 20th of February 2010 02:24:44 PM

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

High fives Jerry, that's awesome to hear! smile

as they say, keep bringing your body to the meetings and your mind will follow.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Jerry,
Sh*t Hot, man!! Congrats! You're absolutely RIGHT ON THE NUTS - it's ONE day at a time! The folks who set this program in motion KNEW the same feelings you have; that looking at a whole life-time of sobriety is so damned scary that that fear actually feeds the obsession to drink!

You'll learn in this program...if you keep it up...that nobody is FUBAR, as long as they're honest with themselves and work the program.

The last one-day-at-a-time program you worked was basic training, and you got through it. You can do this. I believe in you and I thank you for your time served.

You're not alone in your drinking habit. I never, ever wanted "a drink". What was the point? I wanted a drunk. Now you're not alone in your recovery. You have millions of AA friends you just haven't met yet.

We're kind of like the VFW club, except we're Veterans of Personal Wars and we call ourselves AA.

Peace,
A1C Rob, USAF 1986-1989

LastOneLeft · Veteran Member

I like the "Veterans Of Personal Wars" comparison, that sums it all up for me!
Im so glad I went,It made my whole day. Im looking forward to the meeting in the morning.I already feel like Im not alone in this fight anymore.The meeting really helped me put some things in perspective. Im going to try and hit a meeting everyday for a while and spend some time on here to keep my mind and body buisy with some positive stuff.I told my wife and she gave me a smile I havn't seen in years...
thanks again for all the replies.

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

I see the change starting in you already!!!!!!!! Prayers work!

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Good work Jerry!! (just like talking to myself) LOL....Do the next meeting and then the
next and keep bringing it back here to MIP. We keep each other sober and alive and
we just enjoy the miracles that keep coming back. I also found sitting and listening the
best when early into recovery. When the mouth is still the ears are learning. smile

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

This thread brought me back to my early days not so long ago. I was so excited to read you made it to a meeting. From your post, it seemed you really wanted to. I remember how hard it was to walk those step up to and in the door. I had to laugh about your pre-vision of everyone who might be there-I thought the same thing! Just remember, if you are willing, life can be fun and joyous as a sober person. Beforehand I could not imagine such a thing for myself. Yeah!!

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

Dean, wicked humor.

Avril G · Senior Member

Hey, Jerry I LOVE that feeling of 'Just another bozo on the bus' like you say, regular people, but people who were initially a LOT more 'regular' than I was!!! The more I find out the more I want to find out, and there'll always be something new to learn in meetings whilever I continue to go to them.

I have never forgotten what I was told in early days, 'Keep coming to meetings, cos them who never go to meetings never get to hear about what happens to them that never go to meetings' The longer I'm around the more sense that makes.