I can't believe I'm here...

Clyde · Newbie

I can't believe I'm here...

texanlovestotravel · Newbie

Can you make it to a meeting today?

Either way, you can make it through today!

One thing someone told me a long time ago that stuck with me was not to "drink at someone", meaning if someone upsets you, that it doesn't help to drink as a response. I used to do this when someone upset me....perhaps that was your reaction to your husband sending you over the edge. My mother used to have that effect on me.

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi Joey,

First, let me say Welcome, and great to meet you!
You have come into a Program, or road into the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that for many has proven to be the way up and out of the place you are in today.

You stated that you and your husband did the Recovery thing.....was that a 12 Step Program.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a Program that we do everyday, it is a 24 hour a day program, were I will and others too, recommend that you first maybe call an AA Hotline, they will give you some answers as to where you might find an AA Meeting....and then go to one, ASAP.....

Driving with a child in the car, while drunk, many of us, including me can say that yes, I have done that too, a very intense and horrible memory......

But the Good News, Joey, (hope you don't mind my using the name off of your sign-in)....if you can get to a meeting there will be people that WILL understand, AA, I sometime like to refer to the Program as Meetings all across this country that are always full of people that CANNOT NOT, not drink... and we have managed to have continuous days and years of NOT drinking, using the recommended 12 Step Program,that has saved our lives.

You will find the people in AA meetings very kind and loving and understand the pain you are feeling today.

At that meeting they will offer you a the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and if you dont have the money on you, about 7 or 8 dollars, they will give you one.

Please read the first 164 pages, and if you were to go today, highly recommended, you just might find yourself in that first 164 pages.

So please dear, wipe away the tears, you don't EVER have to feel like this again....

Have to say I admire very much your courage to find us and ask for help......and want you to know, more than anything Joey, YOU are not alone.

Becoming furious at another person, even justified rage, it is it a very common demoninator that what an Alcoholic will do is turn that rage on....yep your own self.....Self Sabotage, we all know that one pretty well, well I sure do.
So Again Welcome dear, and Please make that phone to the AA Hotline. You have found a little respit here and we are a family that you have just made yourself a Part of.

I just said a personal prayer for you that you will stay, and most of all remember, you dont EVER have to feel as you do today, again......it might get different for awhile, with not drinking, but the people in the rooms will give you their phone numbers. and you can call them Before you pick up that next drink, when the ugre comes over you....this has worked for thousands and thousands of people...and it can work for YOU.

A Big HUG to you, hope to see you again....soon,

One of your new friends here,
Toni

-- Edited by Just Toni on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 02:47:09 PM

SoberSteve · MIP Old Timer

At least you are working on bettering yourself. Please get to a meeting, you will feel so much better!

mikef · MIP Old Timer

welcome also to the family!! smile

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

"I don't reach towards friends or family for support. I want to be strong."

Okay Clyde...you've overcome the first hurdle...you are now with family and
friends. It doesn't matter that we haven't met face to face...everyone here can
wear your shoes and though I won't commit anyone at MIP to supporting you
my experience is that they will support with Experience Strength and Hope that
has worked for them at least. If you follow up on the suggestions you might also
find that they will work for you better than any attempt taken with alcohol.

I am also a member of AA and the Al-Anon Family Groups. I entered recovery
on the back of my exwife's addiction and found my own recovery in the experience.
You already know that drinking cannot and willnot make you situation better...only
worse. You've got an "A" on that lesson. You already have had the suggestion of
the meetings...good one and while there get as much literature about alcoholism,
drug addiction...just addiction from the information racks at the meetings. Both
AA and Al-Anon have important information you need to have inside of your head.

MIP, Miracles In Progress...this site also has another room for the Al-Anon Family
Groups. I believe that you will find that very useful also. It isn't all about the
alcoholic or addict...how I screwed myself up was perfectly my responsibility no
matter how my story is told.

So look for the hotline numbers for AA and Al-Anon in your local phone book and
get the times and locations for the meetings in your area. If despite your greatest
desire against drinking you are still drinking I'd suggest that you find the fellowship
as soon as possible.

Welcome and good luck...In support (((((hugs)))))

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi Again Joey,

Just wanted to comment on what Jerry responded to.

What I have learned over the years, is that our greatest strength lies in our own vulnerability.....getting it out is very important, talking or writing about it, either way, just takes the Power out of it....taking long deep breaths and letting go and Giving it to God for me has worked for many years.

We are here 24/7, so let us know how you are doing, ok? Hope so much you can manage to pick up that 100 lb. telephone and make that call, as if your life depends on it, cause it really does!!

Another Hug, Toni

runnergirl · Senior Member

Joey-
Other than the divorce part, I could have written your post. I, too, have been drowning my feelings of inferiority and insecurity in a bottle of wine at night. Sometimes when I'm alone and the kids are sleeping, other times I've had to cart them around to go pick something up. My kids are young, too, about the same ages as yours are. It's difficult to admit you have a problem and I'm still struggling with it. Seems so NOT like me at all, like someone else takes over my body or something. Anyway, I have to say that the people I've met in AA have been amazing. I've only been trying it out for a few weeks now (and I only have 3 days of sobriety), but I've never felt more understood in my entire life. Have a great sponsor and the names and numbers of a few great women. In fact, just got a call from one asking me to get coffee (her experience is much like ours... mom, young kids). Anyway, my point is that as shitty as you feel right now, you'll feel much better once you meet some people you can talk 100% openly with about all of this. Last night I was on the verge of stopping at the liquor store, but called a number. Went to yoga instead. IT WORKS! Send me a private message if you like. I'm no pro like a lot of people out here, but I want to help in any way I can.
Laurie

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello Clyde and TexanLTT and welcome to the board. What a treat, two first posts in a row.
Joey, Most of us have been where you're at. I was going through a divorce at the end of my drinking/beginning of sobriety. It wasn't easy but nothing worth doing ever is. I suggest that you call your local AA number in the phone book and talk to one of the nice recovering folks that answer those phones. See if they can help you get to a meeting so you can begin getting some support. Feel free to post and ask as many questions as you'd like here. We have a lot great members here that will help you anyway they can. You can start reading the Big Book of AA here for free. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 09:13:41 PM

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

My wife revealed her cheating after I was about 10 months sober... man lemme tell you, I know how you feel. I was devastated. But somehow managed to stay sober, stuck real close to my sponsor. Sometimes I still can't believe it all, but I've come to believe that infidelity is a very common part of our disease - probably a lot more common than in 'normal' families.

Anyway, there is healing in the rooms of A.A. and lots of people who have been in your shoes, or at least very close to it. Hope you stick around and get some of it for yourself!

Glenn

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Joey...It's a blessing that you are having this wake up call now rather than later. Some divine intervention telling you that you need to be strong...but alcohol is not the way to do it. All this change is really rough and enough stress will push us over the edge towards any disease we are predisposed too. If the stress had given you an ulcer, you'd go get treatment and not feel so ashamed. Either way, it happened and you can either move forward and get treatment or not. AA is great support period...Yes, you have issues of loss and so forth...but those are the things alcoholics drink over so it's okay to share that. Go to meetings and start finding your strength there. You will be okay. In support,

Mark