I went to a meeting yesterday and got held hostage. Maybe it's just me, but when somebody has been coming to meetings for a long time and know the book better than I, why in the hell would you bring up a topic which isn't a topic and just complain repeatedly? What do you say to this person? Aww, it will be okay, just keep coming back? That's a bunch of crap. I really believe you need to talk to your sponsor and talk about the solution, or maybe just shut up and listen. I know this is kind of harsh but it's just me, nothing I've shared in a meeting. This drives me crazy, or maybe I just believe the newcomer shouldn't be subjected to this. Aghhhhh....... God help me.
Sorry if I sound like a raving lunatic, can't help myself at times. I forgot to mention that the person raving at the meeting is my ex, so naturally my brain short-circuited a bit. Let's just say I am very happy to be single these days! Kind of don't ever wanna get involved again. It's a lot easier working a program alone! I get stuck with my HP, the holy trinity(me, myself, and I) Yep, I am crazy, not sure if I mentioned this before!
Aloha Justin...I use to hate that also until I listened very closely and behind the rant I heard the alert and the message meant only for me..."This is a test...this is only a test." HP for me is cunning powerful and baffling!! LOL.
HEEHEE!! SORRY FOR LAUGHING - but my response changed the minute you said this was your EX you're talking about!! Now THAT piece of information speaks volumes. I too have far less patience and tolerance with my partner than I have for anyone else, and God forbid that one of my exes should walk into a meeting. Well, I do know what wouild happen - I would have to find another meeting.
I guess another aspect just MIGHT be that your version og his 'sobriety' is a world apart from his (hers in your case maybe?) Last week at my step meeting this guy who I haveknown for around 15 years or more was in one hell of a sorry state, a real blatently obvious dry drunk, and as soon as I saw him I KNEW there was something up, but the meeting was just starting, so in the halftime break, I asked him what the score was, and he ended up sobbing his eyes ot, and I told him he gotta share it in the meeting, which he did, cos this guy is one who although not drinking, has never quite managed to achieve much 'emotional sobriety' - everytime he was messed up, he'd laugh it off, the funny joker, nothing ever got to him, but it is all a front, so I was glad he did share it and cried in the meeting, and cried some more at the end of it when members surrounded him with love and support.
Just cos I am coming up 20 years sober, my emotinal sobriety takes a lot longer to achieve in some cases, and my sponsor has always told me to share the bad times in meetings too, there's no shame to an oldtimer crying in meetings if they're suffering, and what they share must surely help some younger in sobriety members.
I don't agree with 'take your problem to your sponsor and bring the solution to your meetings, and thankfully, our meetings are very encouraging of honest sharing in meetings. (Obviously there are some limits, it would be suicidal to sometimes share EVERYTHING in meetings, some are sicker than others and could use this to manipulate newcomers.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
You can always vote with your feet. I've left a couple meetings like that, where the chairperson failed to keep the meeting on track. I got to a later meeting that wound up better. I would recommend structured meetings- 12 & 12 study, big book study, "as bill sees it", 11th step, beginners meetings, men's meetings.... your best chance for a poor meeting is in a discussion group. I wouldn't be attending meetings with my x period. Now you can take this opportunity to examine if you over reacted and why. Your emotions belong to you and once you own them it will empower you.
I'm guessing that you know this person better than most everyone else in the room and the frustration comes from knowing what the person really ought to do in order to not have the same problem again and again and again. Perhaps you wanted to scream the solution at her... Yah...frustrating. I could be reading into this, but I can see how I would feel if that were the situation. Also, Justin, I guess it's enlightening and gratifying to just sit and know that you don't have her specific problem and also since you aren't together, her problems don't have to affect you so deeply any more. In support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks everybody for your comments. I do wish I could get to alternative meetings and I am working on that. I haven't had my license since '93 due to DUI's and I'm working on that too. The club I go to for meetings is local so I go there about every day and of course I run into my ex. I wish she would act the way I think she should and that is my problem. I can't control other people any more than I can control life. I could write a book about it. That's already been done before. And your solution is a lot better than my own!
Kind of don't ever wanna get involved again. It's a lot easier working a program alone! I get stuck with my HP, the holy trinity(me, myself, and I)
Now THAT piece of information speaks volumes. I too have far less patience and tolerance with my partner than I have for anyone else, and God forbid that one of my exes should walk into a meeting. Well, I do know what wouild happen - I would have to find another meeting.