I'll buy it and give it to a friend I'll buy it and have it around the house in case someone drops by. I'll buy it so I can stop thinking about buying it. I'll buy it and not drink it.
Buying it means the deed is done, doesn't it? They say you relapse a week out, before you actually drink. True?
Working in Retail helping getting the store ready for the next day.
Stocking, sorting and have to front up all the Beer-Wine and Liqour in the asile and have someone ask you to help them pick out one to go with some food and you actually know what you are talking about.
Yep, you're screwed. If you really believe that, you've taken step 1. Such a paradoxical program this is -- it's only by admitting our powerlessness that we can be saved.
Good to know since actions are (well, should be) easier to control than feelings, urges, impulses, etc. Keep the actions at bay and you can't drink, can you?
We are never forced into relapse,we are given a choice.It is never an accident,it is a sign we may have a reservation in our program.Missing meetings,neglecting 12th step work and not getting involved stops our program.The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey,without effort we slide down the hill again!!!I remember throwing out all the "southern comfort bottles and making a new shelf for Almandeen displays,Then clean that out and get space ready for up next setup maybe that would help me slow down a little,wrong!!!!,stoly bottles,bicardi,and down the line...Just the thought of the "event" kept me excited and twisted!!!The environment iwas as captivating for me as sometimes the actual binge(although any old basement,abandon building ,place away from others also worked!!Man its like my stomach now flipping if someone pops a cap off a bottle,..Thank you dear God for your undeserving grace and mercy!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
As a recovering fellow of Alcoholics Anonymous I admit I am under the influence and always will be and I have not had a drink for a very long long time. At some time I learned how to say no to myself and be more than okay with it and I learned it here from others. After a while all the questions are answered with acceptance that I am alcoholic and because of my membership in the program and the love and support of the fellowship I no longer have that "screwed" feeling.
Good to know since actions are (well, should be) easier to control than feelings, urges, impulses, etc. Keep the actions at bay and you can't drink, can you?
We cannot prevent our feelings, and must let them live. We can shelve that feeling until a calmer time to think about what it means. Usually the feeling is attached to an unresolved issue in our past and the current feeling is only triggered by a similar event that's irrelevant to the past occurrence. "Pushing your buttons" would relate to these. Someone, who has resolved all their "issues" has no buttons to push. When we get stressed (see newcomers thread) it's usually about "the things we cannot change" which is an irrational response. It's irrational to get stressed if there is no solutions, or nothing we can do at that time. Example, if the plane that you're flying in is late, there is nothing that you can do to get that plane to it's destination any sooner. If you miss your next plane, then you'll have to catch another one. That's acceptance. Getting worked up about stuff and then thinking about drinking over the frustration is how your disease does business. All it has to do is get you worked up so it can get it's reward.
Managing the stress will reduce the urge to drink as a coping mechanism. Stress relief techniques (Google for them now) will also help you. Breathing deeply in and out slowly, counting to 5 on the way in, and 6 to 10 on the wary out X 10 repetitions will remove your stress. It takes 2 minutes to complete or about the length of a long traffic light. I took a class on stress relief and it's really helped me. I did a kick boxing aerobics class for 6 months last year (until I destroyed my hamstring at work) and that was awesome, stress was non existent, I would take my stress to class and beat the snot out of it.
Handling the urges to drink. Write down your MO about drinking. What makes you want to drink. What your disease tells you to try and get you started, how you are only going to have one or two, how many you have before figuring out you want/need more, when it is that you say "F" it I'm going to drink as much as I want. What you do while you're getting drunk, what other compulsions do engage in, then the stuff that you were supposed to be doing that you couldn't because you were drinking/drunk, then the guilt over the same, then the interaction between you and others as a result (husband, boss, clients, friends....) with all the details and guilt, shame, anger of that, then the money aspect- the cost to drink and the associated costs to drink (lost business, frivolous spending, wasting valuable time, trouble with the law, engaging other addictions, contemplate the things that you are going to lose eventually if you keep getting drunk (marriage, job, friends, place to live, sanity...) and the time/money spent on possible other health conditions caused or exacerbated by the drinking, and the shame self loathing over all of the above that perpetuates more drinking, lower self esteem/self worth and the viscous cycles that exist in all of the above. After typing that out, keep a copy in your pocket or purse for 90 days. Take it out and read it every time that you want to drink or start stressing about stuff that you cannot change.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 10th of February 2010 05:19:07 AM
ljc- I just sent you a private message, but I gotta say that my ears perked up and thought "Really? Cool. No wonder I don't think I need to not drink. Maybe I don't have a problem!" Problem is, I pretty sure I do and that's why I ended up in the parking lot of a liquor store yesterday and why I was crying later in the day. Guess I should be less cryptic in my posts, huh? Laurie p.s. I haven't had anything to drink. On Sat. it will be 2 weeks.
Ljc, I gotta say as much as it's not our business to tell someone that they Are an alcoholic, the same goes for telling (or suggesting) that they are Not. Sharing in others threads, in regards to their comments on their posts is best when it contains one's own experience, strength, and hope. It's tempting to give straight up advise and most of us are ocassionally guilty of this, but consider that everyone situation/issues are somewhat different, and for sure we don't know what those are.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 10th of February 2010 09:21:31 AM
What LJC is referring to is the parts of the big book which describe "the real alcoholic." I believe it is in chapter 2. It would have helped to suggest reading it and determining. I think when you read it Laurie, you will come to a deeper understanding and identification. Within that chapter is the Jaywalker story about the guy who keeps running into traffic and getting run over again and again...Basically describing our relationship with alcohol as alcoholics. After reading it, I was like "Okay, I am a REAL alcoholic and this describes me to a tee." It just confirmed I was in the right place and firmed up my surrender to the disease. It's just about acceptance and if you read that and identify with it, accept the disease on a deeper level, you can move forward.
Regarding the rationalizations...the process in AA is full of unraveling our own motives and the BS we tell ourselves. You are doing great Laurie and step 1 is all about honesty..not even so much with others, but honesty to yourself. You admitted these crazy behaviors and urges you still have about alcohol. Powerless huh? But by recognizing it and telling us about it, the urges and the behavior lessen. That is how it works.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
when people asked me where I lived I used to say I was strategically located halfway between the local tavern and detox. that way if I wanted to slip, I could get drunk at the tavern, stop off at my place, pick all my clothes up off the front lawn, and head down to my waiting bed at detox. I started thinking once I might be setting myself up for a slip. So I moved.
All I know is that I used to rationalize about my drinking because I am an alcoholic.
If I don't work my program and I don't go meetings, then I will rationalize about my drinking again...because I am an alcoholic. And I will drink...because I am an alcoholic.
