Hey all. Gonna give you an update over the past few days. This is great!
As you all know I was struggling. In a huge depression. Thursday night I had prayed to God to take me off this planet. I didn't care how, all I know is that I couldn't take this pain anymore and I didn't want to drink over it.
Friday morning I woke up feeling the same. I was sitting at my computer and my friend Brian called me. Said Roger backed out of this A.A. retreat and asked me if I would like to come. He told me to call my sponsor to see if that would be a good plan. In my mind I was already thinking of an excuse to use to not go. I called my sponsor. I told him what was up and gave my excuse that I can't legally leave state. He said that I absolutely should go.
All out of excuses I called my friend Brian back and said I would like to go with him. So off we went.
Two speakers had flown in from Texas and Florida for this retreat. It was nothing but meetings, meetings, and fellowship. Both speakers took turns going through the 12 steps throught the next 2 days. Lots of talk about sponsorship and getting through the steps quickly so as to be of service and sponsor newcomers.
I was simply blown away every time they spoke. Lots of A.A. history included. Saturday night I could not sleep due to drinking much coffee. So I had let people know that I was struggling with the 4th step. I had a few guys actually offer to sit down with me and get it started. They kept asking me where was my notebook! So I sat down and listened to one of our speakers telling stories (sober ones) that were unbelievable, involving helping others and the power of Alcoholics Anonymous. That was when I started my 4th step. Made a good start. Should be done tonight or tomorrow.
I don't believe in coincidences. This was God at work in my life. I am overflowing with happiness as I write this. My whole outlook has changed. And I belive my message in the rooms has changed too. From what I was told I have an internal spiritual maladjustment. The ism. The only reason for me to work through the steps is to gain this Spiritual Awakening that they talk about in the 12th step. Only then can I become the person I want to be.
I have never considered myself spiritual. I have never experienced lasting serenity. I have never experienced the promises coming true in my life for any period of time. I really believe it's because I've never made it past the 6th and 7th step. The answer is in the steps. Of this I am certain. There is no doubt in my mind.
I need to get well in order to help others with their recovery. The book tells me so repeatedly.
I am highly motivated to learn what my Higher Power has in store for me when I rely on Him and take action with this wonderful program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Justin= I'm really happy for you! Sounds like a wonderful experience and what you wrote is very authentic and honest. Thanks for posting this. I'm struggling a lot right now... keeping beast at by isn't as easy when bad things start happening. Lots of family issues coming up for me as my sister was admitted to the hospital tonight. Long story, but whenever she has problems, I'm right there with her with my own pain (guilt). Anyway, reading your story made me feel hopeful. I keep thinking about the one escape I'd love right now... wish I could turn in over to an HP... Gonna sleep instead. Be well!
Aloha Justin...hmmmmm you did the "planet" prayer...
"As you all know I was struggling. In a huge depression. Thursday night I had prayed to God to take me off this planet. I didn't care how, all I know is that I couldn't take this pain anymore and I didn't want to drink over it."
HP loves the "Planet" prayer and always has a response to it. On or just before February 8, 1979 I also, while standing under a parking lot light (My first HP) at 3am in Clovis CA., I also screamed out the "Planet" prayer. It went something like..."If there is anyone up there who can hear me...get me the hell off this planet and I don't care how. Just do it now!!" I was alone, the lot was empty as were the streets with the exception of the local federealies, who were dealing with some other drunk who didn't have a prayer and within days the prayer was answered. I was taken to another planet...the planet recovery.
I got a smile that you also would use the "planet" prayer. They say if you come around long enough your will hear someone tell your story and this is a part of mine that I've never heard anyone else tell in all the time I've been here. LOL. Well if it worked for us then it should be in the AA literature or maybe the Grapevine huh?
I've had some fits and rants since the "Planet" prayer and have had some awesome miraculous responses from my HP. There have been others in and out of the program who have been witness to some of HP's responses to my prayer so I haven't had slow down or stop for the results. Say the prayer and keep on keeping on. Smile at those who have their jaw dropped open and say, "It works when you work it."
I'll be standing by to see or hear about the next responses you get. Have a good 4th. You'll get to meet the one person you have lived your entire life with and knew very little about.
Awesome Justin. This has me looking forward to the Roundup next month here in Florida. Last year when I went, I was in my head the whole time, anxious, and struggling. I just wanted to run home early every day. I did get a lot out of it, but it was challenging with only 5 months sobriety and feeling like I was crawling out of my skin. This year, I am in a different place thank God. Spiritual moments do seem to be gifts of sobriety and what you just wrote is an example of when they say "Stick around for the miracles to happen."
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Love the hope shot!!!God sent His spaceship in....greetings earthling,your people I do not understand but to you I say "never let me hear surf music again!!!(Jimi Hendrix) thanx Justin
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hey Justin, Its a real eye opener when it happens. Hard to define but when it happened to me, I wanted it to happen more so I focused on my HP more and it becomes a good cycle for living sober. Thanks for the great post. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I always enjoy hearing someone describe an experience such as the one you have had. I am new to this site, but I have been sober quite a long time. I have a healthy, thriving spiritual life, and I am convinced that is why I have remained sober these many years. I mention this only to preface what I am about to suggest:
I do not believe in an interventionist deity. That is not to dispute what you experienced at the retreat. My view is that the opportunities are always before us. What turned this into a spiritual experience for you was that you were available for it. In the first year or so of sobriety I kept trying to "force" a coming to believe. It simply wasn't happening the way I thought it should. Oh, yes, I went to my knees, screamed at "God" to strike me with lightening, something to make me believe. But it never happened. I was reassured by others around AA that I was just fine, that I was exactly where I should have been. Eventually I believed them, and I simply kept trying to keep an open mind. So that is my belief: We can no more force a spiritual awakening than we can to force a cow to give birth to purple ponies. Out job is to become available to be Honest, Open, & Willing. That is the HOW of it. What matters is how you experienced the retreat: Your description says more about you than it does about the event.
