Hey all. Some serious stuff going on today with our friends on the board. I have to look back and remember all the pain and where everyone is at today. It wasn't that long ago that I could not stop drinking. Took divine intervention (going to jail) to stop me in my tracks. When I think about spiritual principles, the greatest to me is being able to take one day at a time. Only by doing this can I focus on staying somewhat sane!!!! I've really been struggling with getting this 4th step started. I haven't even wanted to post on here, call my sponsor, or do anything proactive. I know this is only temporary but it seems like unhappiness is most often self-inflicted. Being in the familiar comfort zone (sitting in my own ****) .....it's warm and soft and sooooo comfortable at times. LOL!!!! Pretty sad, and a little disgusting, but it fits. I guess I'm posting because I need some motivation (kick in the butt.)
Thanks for being such an inspiration, Justin. It helps to know other people are there, have felt the struggle, and continue to make it though. As for your 4th step... Sounds like a terrifying one, but perhaps wonderfully painful once you get through to the other side. Keep that in mind as you start your inventory. Unfortunately, I think for some of it's the bad part is easy... Don't forget to think of the bad AND THE GOOD... I know there is a lot of good with you! Peace, Laurie
Hey Justin, when I was trying to force myself to start my fourth step I shared about it in a meeting and got lots of suggestions. One was go out and buy yourself an essay book or ringed binder and a nice pen and set it on your bedside table to remind you to start and work on it. That worked, and it took me about 3.5 weeks to finish it. I finally set a date for my 5th step for 4 weeks after I began to write the 4th step. That made me finish it. Are you attending step meetings? Get-r-done, finishing your 4th and 5th is a huge load of your mind and conscience. Once finished, I never thought seriously about drinking again.
Free yourself Justin! GET IT ALL!!! then unload "fearlessly"and feel the miracle.Just start putting down what you can as it comes to you,but ensure you "hold nothing back"Man as A YOUNG 'catholic altar boy"(drinking wine in the sacristy)I remember the guilt I would carry thru the years of "crap confessions" etc.As I accepted a relationship with the God of my understanding later in my life and lost my religion I told my sponsor during my 5th step things I never told anyone including the priest,(not even sure I told God,like He didnt know right?) Its like your life has started again ,clean slate to constantly be "looked at"each day,much easier to monitor then years of devastation and selective memory we try and pull over on ourselves..Thanks for sharing....... it keeps us all sober!!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I know this is only temporary but it seems like unhappiness is most often self-inflicted.
It sure is, Soberdrunk. Alcohol comes in bottles - the ISM is in ME, and in many cases that ISM = I Sabotage Myself. Pick up that pen and paper and start your fourth step NOW!!!
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Justin, Thank you for the honesty. That's huge. I was in so much pain I did my 4th. and 5th. step pretty quickly. Once I completed step 5 a few of the bricks in my backpack fell out. The rest fell out after step 9. It was a great feeling. Haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink or a subsitute since- one day at a time. I now keep the backpack empty with 10- 12. For me it's all about action. Continued action for continued improvement. Get on it man.........
I would highly suggest calling your sponsor and hopefully, he or she is directing you to do the 4th step the way the BB describes. You will only complete the 4th step when you have fully given your will and your life over to the God of your understanding. ( the 3rd step, which is also to be taken with someone ).
Aloha Justin...Sometimes it aint about the step or anything program. For me I struggled with just change and I had a "what's the use" depressive I'm a looser attitude I had to discover and deal with. I went to meetings period and dealt with all the different crap in my life. Crap just think I had to do this for a lifetime what the hell; soooo overwhelming and I don't do overwhelming well at all. I wasn't alone I learned. There were lots of other members dealing with the whole thing too and the best we could do was just commit to a meeting and then going to sleep with the possibility of waking up in the morning and facing it all over again. I wasn't fearful of the forth. It was kinda intriguing and along my journey I have done 6 of them. Searching became the catch word as did fearless. The more fearless the deeper the search. On top of that my Higher Power has enough confidence in my sobriety to pass mental notes to me with dates, times, names, places and more to encourage me to look at some things I've missed. I started actively drinking at 13. I also started actively acting out alcoholically at 13. Sometimes my forgetter is the better of my memory unintentionally.
Struggling doesn't mean the same thing as loosing. For me it just means I need more clarity. When I understand more I do better...not as shakey and more confident about where I'm at with/in things. With good help you don't need to struggle as much...just add an open mind and ask..."please help me". That is what I did and that is what saved my life.
Also you can manage your struggle...plan it, plan it for a certain period of time at a certain time. Then go to the next right thing on the plan. Something light, funny fun.
Keep coming back also. (Where in the hell have I heard that before?)
GOOD LUCK JUSTIN!!! Step four for me was a huge turning point, it was a bit like having a painful deep rooted tooth extracted, hurt like hell, and I was scared shitless before doing it, but worth eveery minute's agony to get it done and then do step 5.
__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Free yourself Justin! GET IT ALL!!! then unload "fearlessly"and feel the miracle.Just start putting down what you can as it comes to you,but ensure you "hold nothing back"Man as A YOUNG 'catholic altar boy"(drinking wine in the sacristy)I remember the guilt I would carry thru the years of "crap confessions" etc.As I accepted a relationship with the God of my understanding later in my life and lost my religion I told my sponsor during my 5th step things I never told anyone including the priest,(not even sure I told God,like He didnt know right?) Its like your life has started again ,clean slate to constantly be "looked at"each day,much easier to monitor then years of devastation and selective memory we try and pull over on ourselves..Thanks for sharing....... it keeps us all sober!!!!
