FS, that is a lot of stuff to deal with. You need to downsize it to make it even partially manageable. First off, make a list of what you can do about it TODAY. After that you pray and let the rest go for today. Each day just try and tackle bits of it at a time. The whole of it is too overwhelming. It may involve seeing a debt counselor, it may involve going to therapy for the depression (I think you shared you already have meds to treat this and it may involve upping them so you don't fall into a hopeless pit of despair). It may also involve daily changing your perspective to realize things could be worse (though it might not seem so in this moment). I guarantee if you do not drink and just do the next right thing throughout the next several months or year or maybe 2...you will be in a totally different place and you will be stronger for it. Now that you are sober, you have some choices...this is infinitely better than being drunk and trying to deal with this stuff...Maybe go back to school and work towards the job you really want. Either way, you are not alone and the burden of solving all problems at once is unrealistic. One day at a time and we are here for you.

Mark

I dunno what you have over there, FS, but I have been in your position, and I went to an organisation called Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) which someone else in AA told me about. They were absolutely wonderful, and got me to do an income/expenditure sheet, looked at all my credit card/loan agreements, and once I had shown that, even without taking into consideration any money for socialising and for holidays (I rarely had holidays, so I din't bother) - the gierl increased my household bills by around a third, and took it off the amount had worked out I could probably afford to offer my creditors.

She prioritised my outgoing payments, and the rest were offered a tiny amount per month, BT all interest has to be cancelled on a debtors offer when dealt with by CAB. It sure as hell took the pressure off I can tell you, and I eventually had to declare myself bankrupt when I lost my job and couldn't afford to pay anything but the rent and utilities bills.

Bankruptcy is no big deal nowadays, I still opened a bank account to have monies paid in, and to set up direct debits for the bills etc. Only thing I have to use with the account is a cash card, which enables me to withdraw cash from any machine (providing there's enough cash in my account) but cannot use it to buy in shops or online etc.


I checked out CAB and they do have them in New York apparantly, no idea where you are situated but maybe if you read about them, you may have some similar organisation near you?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizens_Advice_Bureau

Hi There Glenn,

Wow, it seem like you have some really good advice, on Debt.
Consolidation, and that letter to your parents, sure hope they will pitch in and help, 

When we get so over-whelmed, very hard to see the forest for the trees, right, just baby steps, put all this down on paper, make a prioity list, and then just try to do just one thing a day.

Just Praying you will get some help from some people, and much more importantly some help from Above.

Will be thinking of you, my dear friend. 

Write Please and keep us Posted, or PM me, anytime to vent away, two heads are always better than one, right??

PS, Had to come back and repeat something a great guy used to share every time he was closing his share for the day.
"Being Sober, and in this Blessed Program, "ALL MY PROBLEMS ARE GOLD PLATED"  a little food for thought, to go with the better ones of those onion rings......

Big Warm Hugs  Glenn,
Tonicakes

-- Edited by Just Toni on Tuesday 26th of January 2010 09:06:48 PM

Please Glenn try to not give in to the feeling that everything is totally overwhelming and impossible. You know where those thoughts lead. You do have choices, they may not add up to the giant windfall that will wipe out your problems R.F.N.(right blanking now) The anacronym is one I coined for customers in the restaurant who want the food served before it can be physically cooked and delivered.  This is also the speed at which I prefer things I want to happen.

I was in similar financial staights and in the middle of many other personal messes, and drinking heavily too, about 15 years ago. I felt so stuck. I asked for help, and I got it, in many different ways and at different times. I did have to make a lot of effort. It has felt like crawling staight up a sheer 100 yard cliff one inch (or less) a day. Sometimes I fell back down a ways. But I had already faced that pit of absolute despair and anguish back then. I knew I would do whatever it would take to move upwards. I did all this and still continued to drink. Back then I did not question the role of alcohol in my problems. I have no idea how I managed. I now feel certain my HP recognized my effort and helped, even though I wasn't trying to communicated with her.

The above post's advice is sound. Pick out the seemingly little things you can do to move forward and avoid staying stuck. Some times you have to take a bigger leap. Ask for help again, like you have here. Be open to new avenues. You are so lucky you are taking this on sober, even though it feels so hard.

I don't feel qualified to tell you exactly what specific steps for you to take. You'll figure out what's right for you. Here are some of the things I did: Declared personal bankrupcy, accepted help from mom and her boyfriend, moved (homes) to more advantageous places when it seemed right and a good thing, kept a job I absolutely despised. Changed my budget expenditures, continued to spend money on my mental health even when I didn't see how I could do it. Looked for support in local and governmental institutions. Lived with housemates when didn't want to in order to generate income(twice this had a negative effect on the balance sheet, active drunks often don't pick reliable housemates). Asked for help. Robbed Paul to pay Peter and cut expenses until monthly necessities evened out. Had garage sales. Moved in with boyfriends who were major financial liabilities. Spent ever more money using credit cards. Married a man who shares the bills equally. Then so slowly continued to pay back debts.

One of things that has always been hard was to accept financial help from my mom and (now) stepdad. I'm still testy about feeling obliged to her, and yet they have been so wonderful and giving. I used to feel there was a terrible price(not really) for their financial help. Now that I'm sober I see it as a blessing that they were in a position to help at times, and set the stage some for growth.

Thank you for the post, it made me currently conscious where I've been-homeless, mentally a mess, and where I am now-home owner, monthly bills on time, and LIVING SOBER! It feels great, and so worth all the blind hope and hard work, little by little.  Everything is NOT hunkydory with the finances now.  But...Although I can never see where I'll end up exactly, I know for sure I don't want to revisit the pits.  So I'm filled with gratitude. 
In return I'll send you some mental cash, you may not get  a check signed by me, but I hope see you see some light soon.

-- Edited by angelov8 on Thursday 28th of January 2010 04:06:06 AM

-- Edited by angelov8 on Thursday 28th of January 2010 04:21:10 AM

Well, I'm sort of over it a little bit.  Getting my tax refund helped, though it's disheartening to see that it will all be gone shortly.  I am going to try and find a room for rent that takes cats, place Foster with an adoption agency, and just downsize.  I might even just get one room (for my daughter) and sleep in the living area myself.