This really I guess relates to K's earlier thread/share re. 'Has anybody ever heard this at a meeting?' but,
I have only ever found one meeting in my area where we have cut off times for sharing ...as in 5 minutes or whatever the suggested time is.........so here, in sunny Manchester in some meetings, a "droner" can be in full swing for ages........and ages........and ages...........
I think a cut off time is a good idea (with the chairperson perhaps always having the experience to know when a little longer is beneficial to an individual & does no damage to the meeting as a whole)
What do you folks think about cut off times? Love Louisa xx
I guess it just depends on the situation. Sure there are people who talk too much, and they can be really annoying at times, but on the other hand, they may just need to get stuff off their chest. But, if they are habitual about it, then I think that the best thing to do is to respectfully ask them if you could talk to them in private after the meeting, and say something along the lines of, "a lot of people didn't have a chance to share today because of your lengthy talk, so for the sake of the group, could you please try and limit your talking to about 5 minutes? It's hard for me to concentrate on what you are saying when all I can think about is how you are cutting into other people's time...". I've found in my life, that if I have something on my mind, that people always respond well when I take them aside and talk to them one on one about why I'm upset. It takes some guts to do it, but it always works for me as long as I have a sincere and respectful attitude about it. Or you could just say, "quit your blabbing Mr. Blabbermouth!!" LOL.
Round here (Barnsley) it seems that if there are more than a dozen in attendance, the the chair asks that shares are kept short so that everyone can get in. Very rarely does it come to the point where the chair has to call time. I did once here someone excuse themselves and ask - is there a point to this and will you get there soon - but that was one old timer to another.
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I've been to meetings were they actually have a timer. Many meetings leave time at the end for any body who has a burning desire or who might go out and drink.
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Up my way many meetings mention during the Secretaries report to keep sharings brief so to allow all those who wish to share a chance to share. Five minutes is the normal and it's up to the Chairperson to keep the meeting on track.
I have mixed feelings about timing speakers. I've been to meetings where there are timers, and it wasn't so bad but could be a distraction. But if someone was really upset, everyone ignored the timer and let the person talk as long as they needed, which should happen. Some meetings have lots of windy people who need to learn to be quiet (and sometimes that's me). Some are the opposite. Mostly I prefer when the chair makes an announcement to limit the time you speak.
I suppose it depends on the meeting. And the way I understand it is that each meeting is autonomous and can choose how to run the meeting as long as it is good for AA as a whole.
If someone is just blabbing on and on then the chairperson should interrupt. Some ppl have plenty good stuff to share.
Far as Im concerned ... real humility is shown when it only takes 3 minutes to say what ya wanna say. All the while remembering that what doesn't come from the heart doesn't reach the heart.
Depending on who's chairing AA by the Bay either Saturday or Sunday most times we call for a 5 minute share. I don't have any fear about raising the watch for all including the speaker to see and using "grace" to determine what 5 minutes looks like...after all I am the only one with the responsibility if I'm chairing. Sometimes I've had to raise the watch more than once...other times I've had to mention the share limit in the body of the meeting. We don't tip toe regarding members feelings. We know the process and if someone decides to push the limit it is always considered as on purpose. For us the group is more important than the individual soooooo visualize the process. There are more home members from that group in meetings on a daily basis and doing service to the district than all the other meetings combined. Stay within the guidelines and "Keep it simple".
How ironic ( and I thought about this particular post too ) that I was at a meeting last night where several ppl blabbed on and on and on and did not stay on topic. The Chairperson didnt seem to notice what was taking place. I prayed for patience and managed to stay for the whole meeting, then joined in the Lords Prayer to finally end the meeting.
In all reality ... If Im open minded and have my ears open, I can learn alot in any meeting from any given member.
Usually after a confusing and pointless rambling, a person will get a large chorus of "keep coming back" as a response. Of course we say that to newcomers with more empathy and realness, but if that gets said that loud to you after you have some sobriety time...at a meeting you attend regularly...there's a message there.
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HI Louisa, I am Barnsley too, and we wil be discussing this at my next GCM at homegroup, as we had a problem a couple of weeks ago when we had such a big meeting, I asked the open sharer to go 10-15 minutes max, which she did, and we did say that we should be mimndful itis a big meeting and to keep shares shrt, which obviously got lost in the ozone layer, since an oldtimer came in and shared for 20 minutes right after the opening share. When it got to the end of the meeting, chairperson announced, 'there's just 3 minutes left if anyone really needs to share and can do it quickly' and one guy, 25 years sober shared for over 10 minutes beforew the cjairperson told him to cut it.
It is absolutely ridiculous, and we were all unhappy about it, so decided to agenda it for the next group conscience meeting. I think in very big meetings the chair should do what the chair at conventions does. Ours have four cards, with the following written on them, which are passed to the speaker if they're gettng close to running over their time limit.
'Five minutes to go' 'Three minutes to go' 'ONE minute to go' and if they're still rabbitting, the final card reads 'shut the fuck up' I'mm going to suggest we have this syste in big meetings. I have met many members from Manchester, Louise, and some of them can talk for England, but our traditions state our common welfare should come first - which in my book means anyone who talks for longer than 20 mins max is just loving the sound of their own voice and needs to be shut up.
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For some meetings, it depends on how big the group is. I belong to one that get upwards of 45 people, and you only have an Hour total time. Now granted not everyone speaks up but still an Hour goes by fast sometime.
My Home Group limits it only if someone really gets off topic--we read AA Lit a lot so after readings not much time to speak. Plus you can only speak once and no Cross Talk allowed.
Now I do go to smaller meetings at times and we do do a reading and then discuss after and many of us do talk more then once.
My Women's Group is only about 10 People, if we have over 15 we split the group by counting off and then the 1's stay in one room and the 2's go to another but we meet up for the closing.
My .02? Our homegroup says 5 minutes or less regardless of group size. If someone is rambling the chair may just interject a quick "thanks ________" and call on someone else. But when it's a real "breakthrough moment" or whatever and the tears are a-flowing we tend to give them all the time they need. If it's a small group that day (less than 6) the chair will often say "everybody gets the floor for their five and then we can cross-talk and double-dip."
Well i guess 5min seems appropriate to people who have been going for a while but for me when i first started to go, i needed 5min just to quell my nerves and say what i wanted to say.
Hey Brett, that's to be expected, and several mentioned that newcomers would probably be allowed to talk as long as they wanted. I remember stuttering and sweating and having hard time making my point. It makes me laugh thinking about all the times I was drunk and talking to one of my favorite drunk drinking buddies and a party, and we understood each other perfectly. But if anyone nearby was listening, all they probably heard was "la la blah blah yabba yabba arrrga loyla blah blah". I guess it took me a while to learn how to speak sober again.
One of the meetings I have attended twice (and hopefully again tonight) has so many people (30-40, regular Joes but also other people that are bussed in, so I'm guessing they have to attend as a provision of their recovery) that at the start of the meeting everyone gets a raffle ticket and they pull the numbers out and those people can share. Those whose numbers don't get pulled, no dice. I think people are cognizant of the size and as such I haven't noticed excessive blabbing, but I'll keep an eye out for it.
Of course, agreed that if someone is being really emotional and needs to get something off their chest then they should get the time to vent.
in some meetings, a "droner" can be in full swing for ages........and ages........and ages...........
