My sister is just about to leave a detox unit to go to a rehab centre.Her husband left her before xmas and she has struggled ever since. I have struggled with her in the last few weeks but it is hard because i deal with my own drinking problems,although i would never let her know that.She has been given ultimatums by her husband and only daughter but both myself and my sister see it as standover tactics.the rehab goes for 4 weeks(no where long enough)and i feel she is just trying to keep the peace at expense of her own welbeing.They dont understand she has a disease and their lack of understanding is a worry to me.I spoke to her on skype tonight and there is no desire to give up drinking,i asked her husband to think in the long term and that 4 weeks is to short but that fell on deaf ears.I feel a little bit awkward as they are a married couple but she is still my sister and i can relate to her and how she feels.She a short term fix in mind not a long term goal,who am i to give advice on her drinking when i struggle myself. I just dont know but what i can do is assure her is no matter what im here and im her brother. thanks
4 week detox + 4 weeks rehab is 8 weeks longer than I had. Instead of sympathizing with her, you might want to gently tell her that sobriety is a lot easier than losing your husband, the custody of her daughter, living alone, and having to support herself. being self centered and childish comes at an awful cost.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 24th of January 2010 02:08:21 PM
Hey Brett ,good to see you back sharing!Remember "honesty' frees us and our secrets keep us sick..She should have enough 'detox' but if the 'desire ' is not there the road is long and virtually futile.You may want to go 'inside' and see why "you would never let her know about your drinking problems"It is said 'one addict ,helping another is without parallel!We all have to find our way,some do and some don't...Work on 'your' recovery ,a day at a time.Let us know how its going and I wish you peace..............
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Howdy Brett, I was just a bit curious why you were not willing to share with your sister that you also had questions about alcohol and its effects on your life???
Discussions, speeches, symposiums, lectures, fact-sheets, test results, interventions, etc.....none of these things are going to scare/convince/edify/etc someone into giving up the only "out" they have ever known. At least none of those things ever kept me sober or instilled the willingness to give up the old life. The best thing you can do for your sister is to stay sober. My older brother is an alcoholic and is still drinking. I spent years trying to talk with him and implore him to stop drinking (this was before I was a total drunk). I no longer bother with talking to him about it, in fact, he approaches me about MY drinking now. I am under no illusions that anything I do or say will change him, but I know if I stay sober, it speaks louder than words.
Dods is right, the best thing you can do is stay sober and live life the best you can. I've been sober for 25 years and my brother who is 48 yrs old is coming up on his 1st year.
Looks like your sis is getting plenty of chances to keep the family, but if she isn't sober for herself it won't work.
Change can happen very fast, need to decide you don't want what you have, are ready to take certain steps and are ready to go to any lengths to stay sober.
If you know some woen in your group(s) with good soberity that would be willing to share ESH with your sister, that may be helpful.
Take Care,
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Aloha Brett....((((hugs))))...I got sober by hanging with those who showed me how not talked me into it. The most valuable alcoholics I have ever met are the "walkers". Talking to a drunk is (to me) an oxymoron. I never understood what was being said when my focus was on drinking.
I would humbly suggest that you self focus and try the program for 90 days...Don't drink...Don't think...sit in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous each day for 90 days with an open mind and get a Big Book and a bunch of old timers to hang with. Let them do your thinking for you and allow yourself to do the practice stuff. After 90 days decide if this program is for you and you want to do another day of it and if it has worked...share that with your sister. I've seen that work before.
I know alittle bit about your struggles and who is affected. It can and will end any time you say "I've had enough...God please help me". The position that worked for me was on my knees but I now believe that that position is optional with my Higher Power.
Good to see you Posting again. Do not know if you are familiar with the AA Program...?
But one of best ways to Promote any Recovery is "Attraction rather than Promotion". So many people here have given out so much wonderful advice, cannot add to much more.
Just whated to pop and say good to see you here, again.
Another truism for this AA 12 Step Program, "It's an INSIDE Job"
Wishing the best for you, and of course for your sister too.
It is said that we are only as sick as our secrets. Would it be so bad if she knew you had a drinking problem? Then you could both get help together. I know I cannot stay sober alone. I know that although I thought no-one knew I was an alcoholic, most people knew. There were many "not yets" in my life and when I first started going to meetings, I thought very strange things. Now I'm so grateful for my fellowship and the support. I was unable to go out for five weeks with the weather. My sponsor never failed me. I don't second guess what other people think about this anymore because I was not a very nice person with drink. The arguments I started or got embroiled in with my domestic life were just horrible. Yet, on the surface, all looked ok. I was also very hard to please, took offence so easily it was unbelievable. I am still all those things but the focus is on me to change. I hope all goes well for you.
I attended a dual speaker event with a focus on Al-anon this weekend. I was really impressed with the shared unity of the two programs, even though the focus is different for both. I got a glimpse of the wisdom and help in Al-anon too. Father Tom said something like in one placed he lived they used to say if you're not in at least 3 twelve step programs, you're still in denial.
Some of the things mentioned here in regards to your post reminded me of the widsoms alluded to in the Al-anon talks. You might try a meeting in that program for yourself.
We dont know when God is going to get someone sober. Nor do we know when that person is gonna accept sobriety either.
Share with your sister how good your life is now that you are sober.
Pray for her. Suggest Alanon for the family members.
I know how hard it is to stay out of families and their business, but its the best thing I can do for them and myself when it comes to drinking/drugging.
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