My father drank on and off since I was a child. It would be a problem for awhile and then he seemed to have a handle on it. Now, 40 years later, he had a bad fall at home and said, "enough". He said, "I'm an alcoholic and I want help". It's the first time I've ever heard him say that. He went to an inpatient facility and got the help he needed. He was released from the facility a week before Christmas. Everything seems to be going great. He (as he says) has the tools to deal with his alcoholism and an incredible support group of friends and co-workers.
This past weekend, my family went out and stayed with him. Everything was great. Yesterday, Monday, my brother called me stating he had called Dad to talk and "something didn't seem right" and he was afraid he had "slipped". I contacted one of his supportive friends and asked to check and see if things were ok. His friend called back and stated that things seemed ok. However, Dad seems a little mad or upset over my brother and my actions of checking on him.
I have no doubt that he can and will succeed at staying sober. However, being my father, I'm worried about him being ok. If it wasn't for my brother calling me and telling of his "doubts" I wouldn't have even considered him falling.
I've found that asking other recovering alcoholics my questions seem to be the most effective. This is partially due to the respect I have for people who have an addiction, admit it, and do what needs to be done to correct it. So, any suggestions on the best way to apologize to my Dad for "doubting" his sobriety? I feel absolutely terrible about it.
Please, help! I love my Dad more than life itself.
I can't think of any other way besides the straight forward way that you just did. Tell him that you love and were concerned, but will let him handle it now. We have an Al-anon message board in here that you can pose these types of questions too. These are issues that those who have had to live around alcoholics tend to have (controlling the alcoholic's drinking). It's a malady of it's own.
I think it was natural for you to be concerned. It has crossed other people's minds about me when they don't see me that I might be out there again because I am not long sober. At first this annoyed me, now it does not and I make sure that I make the effort not to isolate myself as this is a danger for me.
Don't I know it, a number of my friends thought I was back out using when I did not want to do certain things with them. In my early recovery I was just trying to stay away from any type of triggers if possible.
Some of the problems were just trying to get around, since quitting I has also lost the License for 7 years ( got it back July 2009). At first quite a few people said "sure I will give you ride, just let me know" Boy did I find out fast who some of my real friends were.
Also some were worried about me even in normal talk, They would be talking about drinking and I would put my 2 cents in, I guess in some ways like I was drinking, or make comments about various types of drinks.
A number of people would call me a couple of times just to see what I was up to and what my plans were and where I was going and who I was with. Got to a point I did not want to do anything or go anywhere but work and AA meetings only.
Then I finally met someone and got me to enjoy life again--got involved with hobbies and clubs and to get out get a life again. Long story for another Post someday.
Well...if he is attending AA, he should know he's the one with the drinking problem. Yeah, you can apologize, but you were the one who grew up watching him drink and then crash and burn. Eventually, if he works the program, he will owe you an ammends for that...if not, he's going to be a crotchety dry drunk...which I guess is better than slipping and falling all over the place. I guess the solutions discussed in Alanon are to lovingly detach. This means tell him you love him, will be there if he needs support, but you trust he is doing everything he can now to recover and part of that is calling you and being honest if there is a problem. You could explain you've been worried about his drinking since you were a kid and it's going to take time to undo that...but I don't even know that you need to do that.
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