Aloha V...just some feed back?  Parts of your story a also mine...I didn't drink every
day and several times I went into toxic shock (overdose) because I wouldn't stop.
It was still there so I was still there until either one or both of us were not there any
longer.  If you have a concern it might be because the problem is getting worse and
you are getting more concerned...in comes one of the characteristics of alcoholism;
it is a progressive disease.  It gets progressively worse never better.  How much of
a problem do I have?  listen to more responses here and/or take the on line survey
on if you are alcoholic.  Google alcoholism.  There is no one shoe fits all alcoholic.
By our very nature we consider ourselves "different" than the other guy however
we reach the point were what and how and how much concerns us enough that we
really should take a good look at our drinking and stop entirely (that might have
hit you in the NO WAY!! file).  Stop entirely or arrest our drinking is the best we
can do if alcoholic because there is no cure for our disease.  It is progressive and
if we stop for a while and then continue it is as if we had never stopped.  We don't
go back to where we started we got back to where we stopped plus the disease
does catch up.    So how much of a problem do you have...Consider our
consequences if we don't stop...insanity or death.  I've done the insaity full time
for years until getting into AA and before and during that I have come within a
smidgen of having my life walk out the door and leave me laying alone on the
floor without assistance.

You're free to sit and listen cause more is coming and you're free to check out the
questionaire.  Quite good to know about it while you're in it cause that way you
may end up sitting in the circle with a bunch of other fellows who asked your same
question.    In support

Not to scare you, but what you described is how things were for me earlier on. It did not take off to drinking during the week until I hit my 30s and certain triggers or whatever was lurking then exploded to full progression of alcoholism. I can certainly say that you will not always have to finish off all the alcohol in the house but that only comes with a knowledge and surrender to being alcoholic. I'm not sure you are there yet...and even still, I dont keep alcohol in my house because of similar uncomfortable thoughts (I will drink it)...but more so what is the use of me having it because I'm sober now and I'm not gonna keep it around just to watch someone else get drunk. I would ask yourself if you are drinking more out of habit now and is it getting less and less fun? That is a sign of progression. Are there starting to be consequences of drinking so much? It does suck that many of us have to hit a hard rock bottom in order ot reach the point of surrendering to the fact that we are alcoholics. You could try attending a meeting or reading some of the AA literature. If you can identify, you have a shot at stopping this before it gets worse. Of course, there is always the possibility that you can just decide "I'm too old for this crap now" and just stop now. It's a possibilty which we don't consider much in AA cuz all of us did progress to the point of needing AA. When I look back on the difference between me and my college friends who I used to party with but who are not alcoholics to my knowledge...they stopped the behavior in their early 20's and I carried on like nothing changed.

Mark

The difference between me and my friends/family is that when I look in the fridge and see a 12 pack of beer I think "Damn I have to go to the store".

This was me to a tee when I was out. Damn, I only have two drinks stashed on the table. I am going to need more than that! or lets go to the dive that stays open all night, then I can't run out of supplies.

I'm ok. I don't drink everyday. Eventually I did. Its progressive so you mind yourself and keep posting. There are open meeting for AA and you can drop into those and see if it might work for you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain in my humble opinion.

I'll be thinking of you and it is great that you are aware. I too, have a wonderful man in my life who acted as a check and balances. I abused that and was lucky that I got sense in time. Its wearing putting up with someone with a drink problem, when you don't have one. I have found that drink does not enhance a relationship in my opinion.

Dodsworth wrote:

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Like many have already said, what you are describing sounds a lot like the way it was for me in my early 20's. It says somewhere in the BigBook about how, though we can't prove it, we could have stopped drinking early on in our "careers". I think I may have been able to quit when I was 19-21yrs old, but the wrinkle is at that stage there is hardly an alcoholic or potential alcoholic who sees the need to quit. I always told myself early on, "Well, I'm not physically addicted, don't get the shakes, don't HAVE to drink just want to is all. If the day comes where I am shaky and NEED a drink, well that will be it. I'll quit". You can guess what happened next...

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That's the insidious nature of this disease,  "Have to drink" disguises itself as "want to drink" or "love to drink" until the physical part of the disease progresses.  Then there is mass confusion,  over what just happened.    Our best friend has now become our worst enemy. 

 

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 19th of January 2010 12:14:07 PM

versacesmymum wrote:

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Hello this is my first post
Im 30 years old now and always been a relatively heavy drinker since i was 18,
My story is a simple one. Ihave a long term girlfriend stable job and a good general home life. However sometimes i go of the rails 1-2 a month ill go out on the piss with my work colleages. M y work is such that we do drink heavily my problem is that i have a stressfull job i like drink....unfortunately a lot of the time i dont have a limit.On a friday/saturday night with my girlfriend well have a couple of bottles of wine between us and enjoy our night. My problem is not a daily one but i guess since im writing this (i now that what im doing is not right) I cant just have 2 glasses of wine they same as like tonight im out with work colleauges i just cant have a couple of drinks. Vodka is my tipple and when i start i basically dont stop i realise within myself i should stop but i cant i carry on. M y dilemma is i dont drink everyday 2-3 times a week but when i do its really all or nothing. I drink realy with the aim to get drunk. My problrm is on a weekly basis although im not alcohol dependent i have no self dicipline and if  i werent for my fiance would pobably drink every day as she keeps me in check
but if there is a bottle of vodka or a couple of bottles of wine i will finish it. Is it possible for m to gain that self control or am i always going o want to drink all the alchohol in the house

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Taking the words right out of my mouth, you answered your own question there my friend.  My questions in very early days in AA were

'What did you drink?'
'How much did you drink?'
'How long did you drink for?'

I was told none of those questions was relevant, since everyone has their own pattern of drinking, and the question is NOT what or how much or for how long I drank, the question was (and still IS) What happened to ME when I drank, even if it was just every month, every quarter, every year or every 10 years - fact is, whenever and however and whatever I drank, I ended up in places I didn't want to be in, spending money I didn't have, on things I didn't need, to impress people I didn't even like!!!  (didn't even KNOW most of them) 

 I once read an alcoholics story in one of our monthly magazines, such as share or maybe roundabout, and it was a parish priest who called AA and two guys went to 12-step the guy and he told them 'I only drink maybe every 3-4 years or so'  Both guys looked at each other then one of them asked him, 'Hell, if you only drink that seldom, what makes you thing you're an alkie?' and the priest said, 'Well, I've been a C of E priest for 30 years, I have a wife and kids, and every 3-4 years or so, I have a drink and I always go too far and get well drunk, and end up doing something stupid, and the wife's embarrassed, the kids are embarrassed, my parishioners are embarrassed, and the bishop ends up moving me to another diocese, and all goes well until the next time I drink, and I am sick of dragging my family away from their home just becasue I cause it by getting drunk'

The guy got sober, and at the time I read this, he'd been around a good few years.  True story???  I dunno, but I sure understood what he was staying when I was still wondering am I or aren't I.

If your not sure if you are an alkie, better to be in AA meetings pretending that you ARE, than in a bar pretending you're NOT.

Take what you like and leave the rest.