This forum we use here is very intriguing, as it is utilized not only by people actively working the AA recovery process, but also those who are testing the waters of sobriety and in the exploratory process of their behaviors, trying to determine if they are an alcoholic and if so, if AA is a suitable option for them.
This reading, from the Daily Reflections book for January 18th reinforced for me, anyway, that I have always been, currently am, and always will be an alcoholic in need of daily work towards a better way of life for myself.
By going back in our drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23
When I was still drinking, I couldnt respond to any of lifes situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinking or again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery.
This man's experience sounds exactly like my own "what it was like, what happened and what we are like now".
My name is Rob, and I am, beyond any unreasonable doubt, an alcoholic.
This forum and other online recovery sites are also a major godsend to any of us who are immobile, reclusive, agoraphobic, 200 miles from a live meeting, out at sea, whatever...AA is an amazing miracle, however we get connected.
I couldn't respond to life's situations any other way, but to drink! Well today I'am in A.A. and I can see how my reactions to just the smallest things can adversely affect my life. Most times I really don't have to do anything but if I didn't I'd feel like I wasn't in Control of my life.
Let me tell you guys something I found out the hard way!! I was never in control of my life ever! Sure when I let go it seem to go a whole lot better for me and others..yea-yea. I've had to drink my world under and almost kill my youngest child in order to let the f**k go!
Now things that use to be something I must figure out I just don't, and hell it works out just right for all. Listen more and follow directions of those before you and life just don't need my reactions to all things.. I'am free to just be me.
-- Edited by tokengirl on Monday 18th of January 2010 10:31:54 PM
Yeah, that reading struck me too Rob. I went to a meeting that started with that Daily reflection and also had the reaction that the reflection was so much on the money describing my history. I never drank normally from the start. Thinking back...the first drinking experiment began at age 14 with raiding my parents liqour and puking all over the house and the last drink ended with me crashing my car drunk. I also drank away all my coping skills for dealing with life. I acquired what has been diagnosed as an anxiety disorder, but over time and getting those coping skills back...I don't absolutely freak out over every life task or problem. Still growing though...It has been a slow recovery and I hear that's not such a bad thing.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"I don't absolutely freak out over every life task or problem. Still growing though...It has been a slow recovery and I hear that's not such a bad thing."
Me too pinkchip! And I am exactly the same!......Kind of getting there but yes, a slow process for me
And Rob, re
"My name is Rob, and I am, beyond any unreasonable doubt, an alcoholic" Well...... "My name is Louisa and I too beyond any unreasonable doubt am an alcoholic ! ! !"
I LOVE that ! ! !
Lots of love to my AA brothers & sisters, Louisa xx
Count me in Guys, I read this reflection last night and loved it. So applicable to me. I realised that it was not just in the last year that I had the drinking problem but always. I accept this and am undeniably a full blown alcoholic.
