Bad thing. I have been ill with a gastrointestinal condition that so far has evaded my doctor's understanding. This has been going on for months now. I have had tests, and due to have more tests. I am treating symptoms right now, not the root cause, as it is unknown at this time. This is very frustrating and painful in spurts. I am due for more tests, and as the answer continues to elude, the tests become more and more uncomfortable and serious. I should be getting the next phase of tests next week, but I have postponed due to a planned vacation, see next paragraph.
Bad thing. I have planned a vacation to see my father in Florida, and bought the tickets in September to get a good price. I am supposed to leave Sunday, and it is horribly cold and nasty there right now, with record low temperatures and the frost is killing things. It could not be a worse time to go, as ALL my dad and I do on my trips there, is fish for bass and perch. That is ALL we do, all day, every day. And it is, I might add, absolute bliss. We are not shoppers, we don't go to a lot of cinema movies or wander malls. If I fly down there in a few days, we will spend a week miserably indoors. I can't even go out for lobster and crab, a highlight of my vacations with dad, due to the above mentioned health issue. My plane ticket is non-refundable. Bad thing.
Bad thing. Things are ugly at work. Someone is pushing the envelope and about to get fired, leaving us badly understaffed. They could use my help next week. But I am supposed to go to Florida. To sit indoors and be miserable. My flight is non-refundable. Bad thing.
Bad thing. I had to visit the ER again yesterday for my condition. Long story, but it was necessary. My health problem crops up and presents itself at various unpredictable times. If I have treatment medication on me, or go get treatment I need, I am ok for the next few hours, or day, or even a few days, can't predict it. But I have somehow been able to be useful at work, and have not had to take leave yet. Just a day off here and there, and everyone there is very understanding and supportive. My boss is a doctor and is worried about me; understands. GOOD THING.
Bad things turned Good thing????? I told a friend in AA about my ER visit again yesterday. I am frustrated. She suggested I get a letter from my doctor stating that I cannot leave Sunday to fly out to Florida, for medical reasons. I need to remain and get the next test done next week. (I really should.) I have had another episode (yestersday) that required immediate medical attention. The airlines will allow me to re-book my flight for another time on medical exception if this happens, without paying costly re-booking fees. I can expect to work some next week, which would be good for my place of employment. I can schedule the next test for one of the 2 days I would have off next week anyway. I can move closer to finding out what is wrong with me, get some proper treatment, and wait a month to take my vacation with my beloved dad when it is warm there in a month or so, and healing, and potentially not have to worry about a visit to the ER while on vacation and out of state.
See? Is it good or is it bad? There is a story like that, about a man and a horse that ran away, which I have heard around the rooms for years, explaining that we should not judge a situation as good or bad, when we don't have the whole picture.... we should give it time before we just get angry and resentful.
I have not been overly angry and resentful about any of these seperate situations as of yet. I could have been furious about the weather in Florida, but instead I just thought to myself, "I will get a chance to relax with my dad, at least".
I could have been overly angry and resentful about the failure of my physicians, after 2 months, to find the diagnosis for my health problem, but instead I have just been thinking, "This could be worse, and I just need to keep the ball rolling. I am glad I am not stuck admitted into a hospital right now, and I am glad that I am not in critical condition or something." I even had a GI doctor that was horrible, and I simply changed GI doctors. (after a little angry bitching LOL)
I could have been leaving my workplace AND our patients in a horrific position, feeling guilty the whole time about it, but feeling that I could not waste my plane ticket and therefore not stay to work this next week for a few days. But this is all working out for everyone's good. It just is. All these "bad" things have worked together for not only MY good, but for the good of others as well. I never know what is behind door #2. Door #1 may look like a crappy situation. But I may open door # 2 at any moment or any day. I just have to trust that things will work out, period. If I have an all-powerful HP, I need not be angry at the universe and get into self pity and resentment. If I wait, and share with another, and open my mind and listen, things may just work out. And I can't listen or open my mind if I am angry and resentful.
So possibly: I get to wait to go on vacation until I am in better health, and when it is sunny and warm; I don't have to pay extra money to change the itinerary; I get the next test out of the way next week; I don't have to leave my boss in a crappy situation; I might even be able to have that lobster and butter in a month or so, just maybe, and I am likely to catch a fish or two. :o)
Don't take that first drink. Because you never know what opportunities may present themselves in the next hour, or tomorrow, or next week. A bunch of ugly stuff can actually work out into something that, if not "wonderful", is certainly "better".
Hugs, Joni
-- Edited by jonijoni1 on Thursday 7th of January 2010 12:18:30 AM
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Take the next drink on that stomach condition and you'll know what pain is I feel. You're a care taker? Over concerned and over caring care taker? maybe? could be? I use to get my stomach pains from that and also a bunch of other stuff like loss of vision and ringing in the ears and even more serious stuff. Maybe you might wanna look into that corner of the room for answers too? How'd I clear it up? some serious metaphysical practice...Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. I still use it in my recovery. It works for me! Not saying that the care taking thing is real...just something to look at cause it does in some people increase the juices that eat at the stomach lining. In support.
Wow Joni, you really are facing somewhat of a dilemma. And I can tell you first hand, cuz' Im currently wintering in Florida that it is cold ... record cold temps have been set. This all depends on the area you are in of course, and the good news is ... its gonna warm up !!
When I am faced with fear over making any type of important decisions, my sponsor tells me to pray about it. And it sounds as tho you are not allowing anyone or anything influence your decisions and that you are doing the best you can to take care of yourself and your health. Good job !! Your health comes first far as Im concerned. For without it, there is no vacation or job.
Thanks so much for posting this. I needed to read it this morning as it has helped me take a closer look at some of my own issues Im dealing with currently.
Hi Joni, I hope that you feel better. I believe that if you get a Dr. note saying that you can't travel, you're ticket can be used at a later date. The weather is supposed to be in the mid to upper 60's next week. For a northern Ohian, that should feel like a heat wave.
As far as your stomach problems, have you thought of seeking a natural solution by way of alternative medical practices? I don't know what your diet looks like or what types of suppliments that you take, but typically the AMA doesn't know a lot about diet, nutrition, and digestion. They almost never give advice about lifestyle changes or diet (other than tell you to lose weight). Their solutions almost always involve taking a pill or cutting you open. It's possible that you may have developed an allergy to some kind of food, or your diet may be too acidic, or your digestive system is fouled up, that may be able to cleared up by doing a detox, diet change, fast, taking enzymes.... See if you can get a referal to a naturopath or homeopathic dr.
It certainly is cold down here in Ft. Lauderdale. News said iguanas are freezing and falling off the trees. I guess that's okay cuz they are way overpopulated down here. It is funny how our lives tend to mirror each other some Joni. Friggin understaffed at work and less serious medical ailments I've been dealing with. I guess this is not unique for either of us. Definitely think we both fit the overconcerned overcaring caretaker description Jerry speaks of. Yah. Anyhow, I'm with you in spirit and hope you get better soon. Love,
Mark
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Thanks for the post Joni. Interesting perspective on a bad situation turning into an alternative okay situation. I hope your physician can figure out a solution for you. These things take time apparently. I guess H.P. has a plan for us all!
Hi All!! Well, what a joy to see some responses and well-wishing from my friends here. I though the post was kind of long.... and some might not be up for the read.. (caretaking again??) Yes, Jerry, that is one of my biggest defects of character that brings me probably the most trouble. But I am working on it. I have CODA and Melody Beatty stuff here at home, which helps a lot with learning self-care and assertiveness where needed. So I am indeed a work in progress!! And I would have to agree, that I am literally probably "digesting myself" by being sick in the first place and worrying about it, taking all this dang medication, and eating very very little. I have lost 12 lbs in the past couple of weeks. Ack!! But no more about that stuff, is what it is...
My doctor was absolutely on-board with writing me a Medical Flight Cancellation letter to the airline today, and I can wait for a whole 9 months to re-book, which is a real blessing. (Good Thing??)
So, I can stop worrying about that, and concentrate on inviting the peace and serenity I can have any time I connect with my HP on a deeper level. Thanks for all your concern and support.
And I cannot go without repeating what Jerry said, "Take the next drink on that stomach condition and you'll know what pain is I feel." I sure as HELL do not feel like drinking!! Heck, I can't even drink my beloved coffee right now! So have a cup for me, please. And today is indeed a GOOD THING, because I am sober and still suckin' air...
((((hugs)))))
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
