Today I am feeling good, fear must be bothering someone else today, it has not visited me for a few days.and in those few days. Have been really thinking (not always a good thing, right) but wondering how it gets in, never invited. But there it is, occupying a space in my head, til I make a plea to my HP, whom I choose to call God, that it me removed.
I was thinking, thank God that this is a One day at a time Program, and asking further is - when hit with a fear out of the blue, no reason, well Fear will make one up for me, that is a given, but my question to myself, does this mean every time I have a real bout with a fear demon..(thats what it feels just like), does this represent a Crisis of Faith in some small way????
Never really looked at this from that vantage point, so my question is when you feel a strong fear, that really has no basis, they never do, do you perceive it as something that must be dealt with immediately, and how do you connect that current Fear to a Crisis of Faith.
I do believe God wants us to have complete and unconditional Faith in HIM, and I feel that I do, but on the other hand, then why is this uninvited guest of fear herebefore I tackle it and get it sent out the back door. Not the front door, where it walked right in, uninvited.
Happy Sober Wednesday to all of you, and any comments would greatly be appreciated about the temporary lapse into a Crisis of Faith.
Hi Toni One of the articles that helped me very much re .fear was Bill's writing from the Grapevine on fear (contained in Language of the Heart p265 This matter of Fear) Maybe it will help you. It helped me with alot of the guilt I felt about feeling fear....if that makes sense! ! lol.
This is ( a small part of) what it says
"The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness or in other conditions of serious insecurity, we shall all react, well or badly, as the case may be.Only the vainglorious claim perfect freedom from fear, though their very graniosity is really rooted in the fears they have temporarily forgotten"
"We shall have to try from all the freedom from fear that it is possible for us to attain. Then, we shall need to find both the courage and the grace to deal constructively with whatever fears remain"
Hope it helps - like I say for me it took away the pangs of guilt at perhaps not feeling I was totally trusting in my Higher Power.
Louisa xx
-- Edited by louisa on Wednesday 6th of January 2010 07:22:35 PM
Thank you sooo much, I do not own a copy of the Language of the Heart, this might be a great time to get a copy.
I cut and pasted into a word document, so I can refer to it, and it was not for me any guilt, but feeling that I might be doing something not the right way with my own Faith.
It always amazes me, how one Alcoholic can really help another, and today your response was felt very profoundly. It is a health crisis that I am going through and of course it makes perfect sense now, but when the Fear hits, as you know, it seems to just have a life of its own......
You probably did not see my question to you in another thread, but is it really snowing up to 14 ft. high in England. Cannot even imagine. Well Louisa, I live in California where we see snow, well maybe half an inch, once every 10 years or so. It does get into the below freezing, some mornings, but the sun usually comes up soon afterwards and then the temps go up to 50 or 60 in our coldest weather.....
Thank you dear for Posting that, now my own little dilemma of worrying about not doing something the right way...well that portion of the radio program in my little head, is now over, :) Just kidding.....
So glad you are here with us in our little family now, love the things you have been sharing with your own Experience Strength and Hope.
Hey bud, Fear can be paralyzing at times. I guess for me the best thing, my therapy, is to talk with a friend, in or out of the program, about what's causing this fear. Holding it inside makes me crazy. I'm sorry to hear you are having health problems. Fear is a natural emotion or feeling. Turning to God in prayer will guaranteed help aleviate what you are going through. Won't remove it completely, but will make the fear more managable. I hope that makes sense?
About the Crisis of Faith, that is a very good name for it. I have to remember at times that I am NOT to have Faith that "What I Want" will be okay, but that what GOD wants will be okay. One of the best things about working the 12 Steps is that we absolutely start to recognize Fear for what it is, on it's way IN the front door... and while we know that we need to expel the uninvited guest, we still let it hang around, putting it's dirty feet up on the coffee table, raiding the cupboards and stealing away our joy, for a time.
The more we learn in AA to open up and talk about it, to show our friends this jerk (Fear) who is hanging around unwanted, the easier it is as a TEAM to throw the bum out!!!! Just my take.... I just had to throw one of those bums out last couple of days, and it sure felt good and empowering.
Thanks fo rthe topic Toni, and I do hope you are feeling better soon as well. ;o) x joni x
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
My mind most of the time makes things up just to have something to do and lots of times it's really serious drama and then it rewrites and redirects the drama until it's a big time deal with all of the color and sound and intensity of something very important and needing attention and it presents it to me for review, comment and reaction and then I have learned (thanks to early sponsorship) to ask the question "Is this real or is this fiction?" and all the producers go "Aaaaaaw Jer" and they go away. The real stuff is almost never this dramatic so I have accepted the acronym for fear as a filter to run my random scary thoughts thru. False Evidence Appearing Real. It's really good fiction. If I want fiction I pay someone else to do it, give me a ticket and popcorn and a pretty nice fitting lounge back chair and about an hour or two and then...back to reality without residue. False Evidence................Appearing Real.
Hi Toni, So glad it was of some use to you. Yes we have had huge snow drifts .......very pretty but the Country is struggling to deal with it..... But it is SO pretty and beautiful. Much love to you, Louisa xx
but is it really snowing up to 14 ft. high in England. Cannot even imagine. Well Louisa, I live in California where we see snow, well maybe half an inch, once every 10 years or so. It does get into the below freezing, some mornings, but the sun usually comes up soon afterwards and then the temps go up to 50 or 60 in our coldest weather.....
hehehehe - couldn't resist replying to this - 14 feet of snowfall! well in parts of Scotland and isolated areas in Northern England there might be drifts up to a dozen feet deep, but the snow fall over several days hasn't topped a foot anywhere.
here in sunny Barnsley we have maybe 6 inches of snowfall, there's about 10 inches in North Yorkshire where my Mum lives. I've just returned from 2 days in Newcastle upon Tyne where the lads had to button up their shirts and the lassies put tights (pantyhose) on to go out because there was maybe 4 inches of snow and tempreatures were -4C.
Of course, the UK has virtually stopped due to the snow, or so the TV news would have you believe. just spent a pleasant hour on the shovel clearing the paths and pavements (Sidewalk?) around my house. The main roads are clear but the sidestreets are choked with snow and ice.
We have a name for this kind of weather in the North - Winter.
California sounds great - but could I stand 365 days of good weather a year?
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
bikerbill wrote:California sounds great - but could I stand 365 days of good weather a year?
Yes, yes you could. But of course there is no such thing as perfect weather all year long. Some islands come close but there is always hurricanes and typhoons. Cali's four seasons are fires, earthquakes, mudsldes, and drought but that doesn't stop me from visiting about every year. I just bought another timeshare off ebay for $1, in Lake Tahoe.
As far as fear goes, for me I see it as a vehicle for procrastination. When I experience fear, I tell myself to either do something about it or shut up. If we are busy doing all we can and must do, there is usually no time to be afraid. Fear never solves anything, it's only product is more fear. Spirituality is the answer for "the things that I cannot change" but the fear that bothers us the most is over the stuff that we can, but perhaps don't want to.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 7th of January 2010 07:28:03 AM
Just like there is never perfect weather anywhere, there is never a fear-free person anywhere!!! This was a nice post and I have to say I think that I now see fear as a reminder that finding God is action and sometimes we need something like a healthy dose of fear to get us moving! To me, the Crisis of Faith isn't having fear, it's not responding to it. So I can have fear and faith at the same time, because I think that faith is in part embodied in right action. I just don't hold on to fear for a long time if I'm in faith. Well, that's just my opinion but I'm sharing it! Anyway, thanks for sharing everyone!
For years I suffered from Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks. I had a generalized free-floating anxiety all the time, worsened in stressful situations. I also had panic attacks(terrifying!)-- sometimes provoked by stress and sometimes for no reason at all. I saw several doctors(medical and psychiatric) about this and they explained to me that it was in part because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. Meds helped. Quitting drinking helped even more.
I still take an antidepressant which helps both anxiety and depression, but it's not a cure-all. With AA and meds, I still have anxiety for no reason at times.
Just wanted to let people know that sometimes you can do everything right and still have physiological problems that manifest themselves in psychological ways. The brain is a complicated beastie.
Jasper I totally agree with you. I once heard a long time AA member (quantity of sobriety many years - quality ....well....not the kind I would want,) I heard her say to a relative newcomer (7 months) "oh when you're working your program properly you won't need any of those meds". He had suffered from depression & Bi polar for years before becoming an alcoholic - had spent time in a psychiactric wards as had been suicidal on many occasions. People like her are dangerous. My question to these pseudo - 'experts' is always......where did you get your Phd ? Simple.
Thanks Jasper - so true - you can be doing everything right and still need a little bit of help from elsewhere. Totally true. AA is not a cure all. Bill never claimed it was.
Louisa xx
-- Edited by louisa on Thursday 7th of January 2010 05:06:01 PM
Oh, here we go again!! (said in a funny and loving way....) We just discussed the medication thing not too terribly long ago!! And it was pointed out that "We are not doctors" (Big Book), "Nor do we play one on t.v." (mine) Some sponsors apparently need to purchase a copy of the Big Book, or get one free of charge if needy.
:o)
xjx
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
But of course there is no such thing as perfect weather all year long. Some islands come close but there is always hurricanes and typhoons. Cali's four seasons are fires, earthquakes, mudsldes, and drought but that doesn't stop me from visiting about every year. I just bought another timeshare off ebay for $1, in Lake Tahoe. 