so today i was filling out a college app. for MCC. My mom called me and started a fight, she wasnt drunk but she was high off pills. i just havent been feeling as strong as i normally do...i feel sad and not myself. Lately everyday i feel shitty, im misrable in school because i hate high school i hate my home life so im never happy unless im with my amazing boyfriend of four years or my best friend(s) : skye aaron and tasha. I just feel so alone and sad. I wana feel like me again...
hi...might be worth considering one of the 12 steps groups like al-anon, or adult children of alcoholics (ACOA), or a counselor who works with family members of addicts/alcoholics...most high schools and colleges these days have those resources and can be a big help
After reading your Post of yestderday, you have lived in this manner all of your young years, and now with the Junior College coming up, I was thinking - Awe the Darkness before the Dawn.
Within one year you will be able to:
1. No longer have to live at home. 2. Find a wonderful support group where you can vent anytime. ACA is great! 3. Find some awesome friends in those groups, and also find some awesome friends in you Junior College. 4.The art of Letting Go - that you will surely learn in those groups with Loving Detachmnent. (Personally, i have learned it cannot be any other way, for if there is anger attached, we simply have not truly let go. 5.Your brand new like in front of you where you can concentrate on getting some great room mates or mate to share your expenses, 6.The wonderful hours of feeding our Heads in what we learn when we study.
Well I was sort of shoting from the hip, the list could be better, but I am sure you understand where it is that i am coming from.
Almost time to spread your wings and fly away, like a bird. Can be one of the best times of your life, and i Pray that it will turn into that for you.
A Big Hug, and thanks for checking in again today. Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Tuesday 5th of January 2010 07:39:52 PM
Hi Shannon, I had to make a tough descision about 10 years ago and ask my Dad to stop calling me. Of course, he didn't, so I just started hanging up on him when he did call, saying: "I'd love to talk when you're sober, goodbye Dad." It took a while for him to believe I was serious, but eventualy (and alot of hangups later), he relented. It sounds like you have plans for a great future, you need all of your energy to focus on that! Addicts can be very draining, especially if we've trained them to depend on us. Keep up the honesty and look to the future, Christine
Just wanted to say that yesterday, was not dismissing you on how lonely you felt, i was just, in my own way saying what is on the flipside of all that damage that has been done.
And what Christine wrote, I call it Pulling the Plug on what does not work. Heard a wonderful lecture once on how, when we have tried, given our 100% to see if we could change a situation that simply does not work, we have every right in the world to simply walk over to the socket, and pull the plug out of the trying.....no matter who the other person on the other end of that plug may be....a husband, a wife, a lover, a child, it is possible.
I had a mother that was not an alcoholic, and in my own opinion there are worse things than being an alcoholic, well that was my own experience....and went thought that "pulling the plug, when I did everything possible to see if we could have an "adult" relationship, and felt the utter futility of that, simply pulled the plug.......it did release me to go on with my life, and I would say if this is time when you might be leaving your Mothers home, you have been her "hostage" for so so many years, and she will not take it too well when she loses her only "hostage". My own mother faked a heart attack, and when the doctor came over to check her, I still got my bags, and was gone out of that house. So do think I know where you might possiby be coming from.....
Good luck in your life, and hope so much that you will get into a ACA meeting and group to vent all of this stuff with, you will find others stories will help you heal. Adult Children of Alcoholics, you sure qualify for membership, so hope you will go to some of their meetings and check them out.
are you alocoholic, or your mom, or both?? Just wanting some clarity. Feeling for you, with the wanting to have things just settled down, for sure. Can identify with that, as that was how I felt my entire first year of sobriety... hang in there...
x joni x
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I can relate to you to a certain degree as i have a history of alcohol abuse in my family. T o have your mum ring you and be under the influence must put you in quite a situation,the love for her and the feeling of helplesness can be overwhelming.I have been through this myself over the years and although my mum wasnt an alcoholic i had a father and brothers who certainly tested my ability to help them out.I have the only 2 answers i know have worked 4 me over the years,guide them to an AA meeting, if of course they are willing, and just tell your mum that you are there 4 her 24\7 no matter what.i know that you are struggling at the moment but keep your chin up and remind her that a higher power can also help you both through these tough times. Brett from down under!
