Hi all! I'm very happy to have found this site. It's good support between meetings. I put down the bottle(s) of wine on Nov. 25th because I'd reached a painful place for me. My grown kids didn't want to spend any more holidays with me, or want much to do with me at all. I'd been trying to quit for 3 years and tried lots of things, including AA two years ago, the My Way Out topomax route and trying to white nuckle it. I guess I'm finally ready - at age 59 - to claim a better life. This time I'm really getting the AA message. For me it was important to "feel" the power of a meeting. I'm pretty intellectual and I needed to get past using my brain to figure things out and just let go and let the magic of the program work. I'm a neofyte and haven't even delved into the steps yet but I'm looking forward to that. Also, I need to figure out where to go with my anger that my husband drinks himself into oblivion on most nights. Maybe I need a therapist too or Al-anon at some point. But for right now I just need to really focus on myself and staying sober. I'm feeling a bit guilty tonight because I took 2 mg. of diazepam (valium). (This is a real rarity - I don't usually take meds). The holidays have been difficult with the celebrating and frigid weather - but I've made it to the other side. But, I had a very difficult evening because I had to say good-bye to my son who is heading to Afghanistan in January. Guess I need to somehow find a sponser so I can talk about my feelings instead of medicating them. I just don't want to feel guilty anymore, so it's good to at least say on here that I did that -- took a valium. I'm so happy not to be drinking and look forward to continuing on this path.
Welcome! There's plenty of wisdom, good writing, and food for thought in the AA Big Book...more than enough to keep us intellectual types real engaged while the blessed simplicity of these steps and the fellowsihp begins to sink in! Day at a time.
Happy new 38 days MAL...and welcome to the board. The possibilities are endless here and in the Al-Anon Family Groups. I am a double (dual membership) and can relate to your spouse info however my spouse use to chase my drinking and while I could and did point the finger at her drinking it was my own assessment that got me to my chair in AA 9 years later from inside Al-Anon. I hadn't drank and relapse is a "real deal" in this disease. I did the deep search for understanding and it took me a long time because I had many historical habits to go after. I was born and raised within the disease so when I got into the program of Al-Anon I didn't even know what alcoholism much less could I or would I call my spouse one. This has been a journey beyond my wildest imagaination and I am in for the long haul. Keep coming back and let your husband not be a source of resentment. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome Mal, and congrats on your 38 days! I'm going on six months in the program with one minor relapse 2/3 of the way in, but I'm happy and better for it.
I, too, am an intellectualizer (Unitarian Universalist, to boot ) and it took a lot of meditation and face-facing to realize that my 6lbs of grey matter rattling around in my skull will say and do anything to feel the warmth of a booze-bath. My HP, however; Almighty It... is the universal culmination of all that's good in everything and that's something I'm willing to turn my life and will over to.
Good luck, and come back often. Sorry your spouse is still a heavy drinker. That's gotta suck.
Hi MAL, Congrats on 38 days. Your need for self-medicatiion will diminish the more you make use of AA tools. The sponsor thing was an instinctual YES...that will help. Your husband is either going to have to follow your lead or you willl just need to let him be for a bit while focusing on you.
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"Your need for self-medicatiion will diminish the more you make use of AA tools."
Yes, just like Mark has pointed out - that's what happened to me.
I used to feel guilty if I took a beta blocker - to help with my panic attacks. Now I rarely even need those thanks to the tools of AA which I have to say I grabbed with both hands and clung on! ! ! Glad I did. Sometimes I still need the occasional one ...but I take it with no guilt. As far as I'm concerned I am sober and am taking my prescribed medicine sensibly when the need ever arises.
I think a sponsor is a really wise move and for me was so helpful in the early stages.
Oh, I hope so! (Meaning the desire to take some medication - I hope it decreases as time goes by). It's especially difficult around 5:00 P.M. and we're really getting socked by winter! It's dark at 5:00 and frigid today. Excuses!!! But the biggest issue is not to drink, no matter what! I think I need to start a step group soon. Hope I can find one that meets nearby. I do best with 5:30 meetings. For one thing, it's my "danger" time. Also, I have to be up at 5:00 A.M. for work so hate to be out late. I need my hour of reading time before lights out. I'm reading Tatum O'Neal's book right now - wow, what an addiction story! Thanks to all for writing - it's heart warming. AA is awesome! I love the group spirit. MAL
Sounds like you are working the beginnings of an awesome program. Just be vigilant about the meds and don't switch addictions. It does not sound like you are headed in that direction. It sounds like you are picking up the needede tools and headed down a positive path. Keep it up. Can't wait to sent cyber cheers for you as you progress further into sobriety. Love,
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi all! I'm very happy to have found this site. It's good support between meetings. I put down the bottle(s) of wine on Nov. 25th because I'd reached a painful place for me. My grown kids didn't want to spend any more holidays with me, or want much to do with me at all. I'd been trying to quit for 3 years and tried lots of things, including AA two years ago, the My Way Out topomax route and trying to white nuckle it. I guess I'm finally ready - at age 59 - to claim a better life. This time I'm really getting the AA message. For me it was important to "feel" the power of a meeting. I'm pretty intellectual and I needed to get past using my brain to figure things out and just let go and let the magic of the program work. I'm a neofyte and haven't even delved into the steps yet but I'm looking forward to that. Also, I need to figure out where to go with my anger that my husband drinks himself into oblivion on most nights. Maybe I need a therapist too or Al-anon at some point. But for right now I just need to really focus on myself and staying sober. I'm feeling a bit guilty tonight because I took 2 mg. of diazepam (valium). (This is a real rarity - I don't usually take meds). The holidays have been difficult with the celebrating and frigid weather - but I've made it to the other side. But, I had a very difficult evening because I had to say good-bye to my son who is heading to Afghanistan in January. Guess I need to somehow find a sponser so I can talk about my feelings instead of medicating them. I just don't want to feel guilty anymore, so it's good to at least say on here that I did that -- took a valium. I'm so happy not to be drinking and look forward to continuing on this path.
