Last night at a meeting we were searching for a topic. We came up with addiction and how it is important to be watchful so we don't substitute an addiction with a different one that can slip into that hole in our soul when drinking alcohol is surrendered to our higher power. So last night i was thinking about addiction and knowing my younger son does not understand addictions or what it does to people.... What it has done in my life is very clear now. for me being Addicted to alcohol was: stronger than the strongest moral code. stronger than love. pushes self-will to ever rising heights. ignores and resists the possibility of surrender burrows into the mind to become the first and last thought of the day soars to heights of delusions thinking that it is freedom has no fear of death hates the truth fears discovery But once my addiction was addressed through the steps, the spotlight of AA and my Higher Power, the tentacles of addiction loosened one day at a time. Each bit of freedom I experience is healing and joyful. It is as if the addiction is allergic to joy and love and begins to die. But if I listen to stinkin thinkin and the committee, miseries are magnified to lure me back to substance abuse when I am weak or life is not as I "think it should be." But AA has my back and teaches me what living joyful and free means and to share what I have. Thank you for letting me share.
-- Edited by jj on Tuesday 29th of December 2009 09:16:31 PM
Howdy, Very good. Fits into what I have been dealing with. Also for me addictions goes past booze and dope. I found I easily can get hooked onto stuff going on inside me.
Thank you so much for your comments. after thinking about the daily reflection, addiction grows in the absence of having a spiritual connection with a Higher Power... spiritual malady and addiction grow stronger together... and there is a spiritual answer to heal the spiritual malady that makes a fertile place for the addiction to grow. a conscious contact with a higher power (whom i choose to call God) can heal my broken life and teach alternatives to alcohol and alcoholic behavior. thanks again
I remember listening to Fr. Joe Martin (huge friend of AA and a fellow) tell a bunch of us strivers that creating an addiction is finding something that we originally didn't like doing and doing it often enough until it was doing us inspite of whether we liked it or not. Coffee...smoking...booze and more for me. I had to get over the initial lousy taste and then I was had. First the man takes a drink...than the drink takes a drink and then the drink takes the man. Must have come from a very early eastern AA fellow. LOL Good meeting lead.
Unfortunately, I don't have a higher power. I also have an addictive personality, so I have the potential to become addicted to anything; whether it be caffeine, nicotine, and of course to a higher extreme, alcohol.
For me, I have come to call my addictive will "the beast". My normal mind tells me not to buy sources of alcohol because it will destroy me, but as usual, the beast does what it wants anyways. I buy it and drink it.
My main goal now is to overcome the goddamn "beast", by methods of attending AA or whatever works.
-- Edited by johnphilip19 on Thursday 31st of December 2009 12:34:13 AM
-- Edited by johnphilip19 on Thursday 31st of December 2009 12:35:10 AM
[spoiler]Well this will come back if you don't change your thinking about Alcohol. When your beast comes talking to you you must go be around others who has controlled there beast. It will be painfull at first to not do your will. The more you do the oppisite of your will it just becomes second nature. Try going to a meeting and sit still through that first thought..if you still want to drink tell someone...if that doesn't work just go home and say I will drink if tomorrow.
Johnphillip - The fellowship of AA is pretty strong if you allow it into your life. I do feel blessed in that I came into AA so desperate that I was practically screaming for help from my fellows. I initially looked at all people with sober time over a year as being Godly. It wasn't necessarily true, but in a way it was. The AA fellowship is what got me coming back. To let recovery inside me through the fellowship is what brought a more personal higher power to me. I kept going to meetings, sober time increased, it seemed like a miracle. With the love and support of others, I did learn how to care more about myself. So now...when I see people in meetings and I read inspirational messages here...I do see God. So....don't overcomplicate things JP...that is your disease trying to sabotage you. If you did not yearn for a higher power, you wouldn't be looking for wisdom here or in meetings. Trust me, I was pretty much atheist myself towards the end of my drinking. Also, as pointed out in this thread...for us, Alcohol does kill our spirit. Every relapse and every time we question recovery, it takes us further away from coming to believe. Just keep coming back and have an open mind. I'd suggest searching for a higher power rather than saying "I don't have one." A higher power is at work every time you hear something you agree with, every time you find a person or sponsor who has what you want, every time you get the feeling in meetings that you might just be okay. From there it will grow. That is what happened to me and it could be the same for you if you let it. Coming to believe is a process JP...you don't need to be spouting "My HP keeps me sober a day at a time" just yet. I'm only beginning to get that connection now at 15 months sober. Trust in AA to start and stick around for the miracles.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Great thread! I have 39 days/. I'm thankful for that. But now I've noticed that I have to be careful because I'm starting to use internet shopping to "fill the hole." It seemed O.K. as long as I was Christmas shopping - even if it was one for them and one for me too. Now I try to justify my habit with all the great sales. Meanwhile, I'm already trying to work my way out of shopping debt from the past. At least, now, I'm aware of what I'm doing - substituting one addiction for another. I love clothes and Chicos is so accessible. More meetings would help, I imagine. MAL
