Let me first say that through the help of the NA program I was able to stay clean off narcotics for 6 years, so I know the program works. My problem is that I started to drink 4 years ago, thinking I could handle it. Well I can't. I'm in college now and just finished my first semester with a 4.0gpa. My Uncle came here for christmas and celebrated his 2 year birthday and so I went to a meeting with him. I miss the rooms, and I know that's where I need to be. My drinking hasn't led me to hit rock bottom, but I know that it eventually will if I don't do something about it.
I have reservations and I feel embarrassed to be back in the rooms as a "newbie" , to have to start all over again. It's holding me back from fully devoting myself to a 12 step program again. I really don't want to quit drinking, but I know I need to.
I'm not an expert nor have much time sober. However, I cherish what I do have and it grows in amazing and wonderful ways each day that passes, even when the going's rough. My first inclination is to say that I would encourage a return to the rooms of NA. I am an alcoholic, but if I started using something else, I would consider myself in relapse. My personal problem is with alcohol, so I imagine I would go with AA. I hope I never face this sort of decision.
There are many wise and heartfelt posts on this site about relapse, many from the last few weeks. Maybe reading them would be helpful.
Please do not be ashamed. This will keep you from seeking help. I think you know what to do. Here's a hug and a prayer for you.
Sincerely, Angela
PS there is detailed post a few down that I feel covers what you are asking about. It is titled " The Missing Piece" and was posted by sobriety spell. It indicated specific pages and material you could read in AA, if you choose.
-- Edited by angelov8 on Tuesday 29th of December 2009 03:05:32 AM
Hello aivil0 and welcome to the board. It's not unusual for addicts to switch adictions. Get to some AA meetings and tell them what you told us. I relapsed many times in the first two years, doing drungs, while trying to stay sober. I finally began attending both programs to confront my denial. Congrats on doing so well in college in your first year. It may seem like you have time to continue drinking before it gets to be a big problem, but the more eminent danger is getting drunk and picking up your drug of choice again and having two problems. You need to ask yourself why is it that you feel that you have to medicate. What makes you uncomfortable in your own skin? Why can't you feel excited, glad, happy, content, serene about life without using substances? Stick around and help us to stay sober.
I used to have the "Maybe I'll do something about this tomorrow" thinking
Had it all under control, or so I thought
That was after picking up a six pack, after many moons of being sober.
Everything went ok for a while, and then there was a big downer in my life. Got pie eyed for bout a week. Started lying to those I cared for, and doing things I wouldnt have done if I was sober.
During that time, I needed a fix every day.
Eventually it all caught up, and the shit hit the fan.
I knew if I kept drinking and drugging that it would be a slow suicide. And the rest of my life would go for a crap.
We KNOW whats going to happen, if we carry on using. Denial is a bitch. And I'm one who can justify anything.
I'm a newby once more. Don't wish to live in that personal hell any more.
I guess the NA programme works for you to stay off narcotics, but then it sounds like you might be replacing one drug with another easier abtained more socailly acceptable version - the booze.
i have friends in the fellowship who are dual addicted. NA for the drugs and AA for the booze and the winners are the ones who keep the rooms separate.
It's the same but different, if you had a dodge charger and a harley davidson and they both need an engine service, you'd take the dodge to the dodge dealer and the harley to the harley dealer yes? but they both need oil and filters and spark plugs and tappets checking etc. but without the service from the specialists they'd both fail. If you took the harley to the dodge dealer then the harley service wouldn't be quite right, but they'd work.
If you take the drugs and the booze to AA, maybe they wouldn't be quie right, but they'd work. If you don't take them anywhere they's soon break down.
So what am i saying? NA for the drugs, AA for the booze. Same problems, same solutions, different workshops.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Welcome here aivil ! yes you will have to 'start at the 1st step,and also "have the desire" our only requirement.Many of us here have alcohol as there drug of choice no matter what else we used.Time for a real hard look at "what you want to do"We are here ,keep comin back peace...Feeling embarrassed is much better than feeling"dead"!!!...........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Aivil, Welcome! Some good experience/advice already posted. Sounds like you may be on the fence about the powerlessness or acceptance of being an alcoholic. I've been there- I would recommend going to meetings (AA) and listening and talking afterwards within the fellowship- same sex recommended. Their experience can do the research for you. In other words; let others who have gone before you share their research during the denial phase. It may keep you from doing your own. For me, it never got better only woarse. My last drunk consisted of a 12 hour blackout, hospital visit and woke up in jail. This was after I was determined to have a night of controlled drinking. I like you am an addict. Whether it be booze, drugs, sex or anything to make me feel good- I wanted more. Wishing you well. Please come back and let us know how it's going.
Welcome to the board. I know you can be pressured to drink in college but keep in mind that not everybody drinks. Find some people who understand your concerns about drinking and won't pressure you. Maybe go home on weekends if you can.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
Welcome to MIP, aivilO. I hope you'll keep coming back & sharing in your journey with us here. I have been to NA, they freely acknowledge alcohol is a drug & include this in their program. I wonder how you fell? Get whatever help you can possible. Have you been through the BB of Alcoholics Anonymous with a sponsor word for word?
Fearless & Thoroughness, Honesty, Openmindedness & Willingness to be our watchwords. I learn & action the steps like this so I can carry this message to other sufferers. When I continue to return to the literature where the program is held & work with others it helps to restore me to sanity. I continuously need the steps to help me stay honest with me & with others.
Wishing you well & wanting the best for you. Your experience will be your asset in the future & you will be able to help others come through what you're dealing with now. You are worth it. Do not be afraid, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
