I have been sober for over a year and still suffering from the recovering alcoholics depression, if anything it is getting worse. To be honest I find everything boring since I stopped drinking and when it comes to the end of the working week instead of having drinks with work colleagues and friends I find no way of relaxing and letting go of the weekly stresses and strains in the workplace. I find myself wondering if it is going to get better, and if this is it.
Hello Thanks and welcome to the board. There is this thing called "getting a life" that all of us have to do. Drinking made us extremely lazy when it came to entertaining ourselves, have a few drinks and it was like going to an amusement park. What we left on the table, with this deal, is missing most of what life has to offer. Most enjoyable are the simple things like observing nature by walking in the woods or down by the river or seaside. Riding a bicycle, enjoying a hobby with like minded others perhaps in a club. Many AAs get together for meals and movies. I was lucky enough to find others to ride motorcycles to meetings and catch coffee and/or dinner afterward. It' s the fellowship in the friends that we make in the program that makes it so special. I didn't get that for the first two years and consequently relapsed more than a couple times because I wasn't doing it right.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 17th of December 2009 08:23:07 PM
It will get better. Your mind is still reaching back to the "amusement park" Dean described. As you know the amusement park was filled with vomit and insanity, so it really was not fun either. What are you doing for fun? Tell us more about yourself. How old are you? Significant other? Kids? Church? Hobbies? Sports? Music? Are you actually throught the 12 steps where you found your spiritual side? Are you white knuckling to stay sober? I really enjoy working on historic houses so I do that as a side business. I liked doing it so I turned it into a form of work that gives me pleasure and accomplishment. My full time job is pretty challenging as well and it keeps me occupied. Like Dean, I keep busy with boats (he does motorcycles). The main thing I try to do in all of this is give thanks to my HP for giving me the extra time on Earth to find fun. I have kids and a great wife all due to AA. There is a busy and frankly wonderful life out there, but there is a depression period that does take some time to break free from. You are not alone in this. Just try and look for the simple things in life for awhile and pray for understanding. I'll keep you in my prayers. Tom
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Hmmm ... are you working with other alcoholics, have you worked the steps, are you attending meetings , are you praying, working with a sponsor, involved in other activities outside of AA ??
I am thankful to not suffer from depression anymore. I had plenty of it when I was drinking. Sure, I have a 'blue' day now and then , but they dont last. I cant afford to allow them to last.
My emotional sobriety, my happiness and my growth is dependant upon how much I am willing to do to acheive these things. Getting healthy and feeling good takes work. I must participate in life .. the good and the bad and be ready to accept whatever comes my way. The choice is mine
Remember AA is a program of action. Without action the steps, things said at meetings and what your sponsor says are just words and nothing else. Words won't keep us sober they never did before and they won't now. You have to become willing, no matter how much people try to help you and get you involved it won't work unless you are willing to help yourself. It's been my experience in AA that we can help the willing but the needy continue to struggle. The 12th step says "having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps" which means you can't pick and choose which steps you want to do. When I first started i did 1,2,3 and 10,11, and 12 and missed the most important steps of all, the action steps. Get involved, do service work make coffee, empty ashtrays, speak with newcomers and let them know they are not alone. Basically get out of self.
-- Edited by Bob K on Friday 18th of December 2009 06:58:28 AM
-- Edited by Bob K on Friday 18th of December 2009 07:08:54 AM
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I was waiting for responses from some people with more sobriety time before contributing anything. Your post stood out to me because of course there are times where I have asked the same thing and felt the same way...now going on 15 months sober. I think it is one of those crossroads in the program yet again where I need to rededicate myself to it in a new and different way while still doing all the things that got me this far. I do need to work those middle steps as Bob K stated. I might really think about sponsoring others, and if not, be more active in a different kind of service (I already secretary a meeting but that is going to end in a month). I find that the depressed feeling I sometimes get is largely due to loneliness in my case and I need to keep reaching out and keep connected with others. It used to be a significant other would alleviate that, but like all my old ways...that stopped working when I stopped drinking. Anyhow, I wanted to tell you I can definitely identify. The first year was all about just making it to that year and there was such a deep yearning to get to that milestone that once I got there, there was like a "Now what?" sort of feeling. The now what is, I still have to work on recovery, but it's on different levels and that's not really a bad thing. Either way, I'm with you on this one. We will get better. Don't forget how far you've come already.
Mark
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Hey Mark, great stuff. Of course, get on with the 4-9 steps, but also set your goals on more years (one day at a time). I was fortunate to be in my second year sober when the AA census results came out in 1990. There was a haunting statistic that the majority of AAs leave before getting to 5 years. THAT scared the hell out of me. I almost went to a meeting every day until I had 5 years, and don't remember ever feeling complacent until I got past that milestone. I look at it like any other primary disease, such as Cancer. You are not given a "clean bill of health" as a cancer survivor until you reach 5 years. This disease kills people. It's not about being bored, it's about waking up tomorrow. Work hard, enjoy the benefits and practice gratitude and your life will be amazing and you'll happier than you ever imagined. I was a hard case and I should be dead a 100 times over. I was given 101 second chances and the gifts of the program, desperation, and willingness. I understood that I had a mountain to climb and the one more slip and I was a goner. The view is pretty good these days (most excellent really) and I'm grateful that I don't even think about using when I'm trying to find solutions to what would be problems if I cared to look at it that way. Today, my personal development is still about relationships and how to treat others and my self with dignity and respect and refrain for acting impulsively. I'm not perfect, and I'm still "more than a little bit misunderstood" sometimes, but now I can blame that on my age and most times I get a pass.
Good topic, Thanks. Read and reread the above responses. Excellent advice there. It could be that your recovery has become stagnant and needs to be revitalized. Keep in mind that when you eliminate a big part of your life (drinking) you need to replace it with something. You can't be happy living in a vacuum.
Consider other possibilities, too. Have you talked to a counselor, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist? It is possible that you have issues other than alcoholism. Many of us do.
You said: "...if anything it is getting worse" and "...I find everything boring..."
If it's been over a year since your last drink, I doubt that your worsening depression is physiologically related to alcohol. Boredom, apathy, and disinterest are common symptoms of clinical depression. If that is the diagnosis, there is good news-- today there are much better antidepressants available than there were a few years ago.
Take it from someone with grave emotional and mental disorders-- many of us do recover if we have the capacity to be honest!
-- Edited by jasperkent on Saturday 19th of December 2009 03:51:19 PM
Congratulations on your sobriety, Thanks! Personally, I like the boredom. Now that my measure of a 'good time' is different from before, I get more pleasure from simpler things. Now, however, I am going to go to bed. I look forward to laying there, emptying my mind of all conscious thought and letting the dream-parade begin.
It get's better but it temds to sneak up on you gradual. I need to put the work in to maintain my sobriety. By maintaining my sobriety, I can find pleasure in small things. I have learnt to unwind after work with a little routine. I have a drink. I've always had a drink after work. Only this time it's a mug of tea, or hot chocolate, or cocoa, or in summer, it's an iced tea, or an iced fruit juice - something special, something out of the ordinary and I treat it as a special, do not disturb me, turn the phones off, turn the radio off, sit down and enjoy, drink.
In the past when the end of the working day drink (the dustcutter) was an alcoholic drink, I wasn't sociable and I didn't relax. Now I can be sociable, even if it's just with the birds in the trees and I do relax.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
