I KNOW THAT IM NOT IN THE RIGHT CHATROOM BUT I WOULD LIKE TO EXPRESS MY STORY. THIS IS IN HOPES THAT PEOPLE THINKING OR DEBATING TO PICK UP THAT FIRST OR EVEN THAT LAST DRINK.
MY 31 YR OLD ABF PASSED AWAY THIS SUNDAY DUE TO COMPLICATIONS FROM ALCOHOL ABUSE. THIS WAS BECAUSE HE WASNT STRONG ENOUGH TO NOT DRINK.
HE WENT FROM FEELING A LITTLE NAUSEA... FOR A BETTER TERM OF THE WORD...LIFE SUPPORT... THEN PASSED AWAY FROM COMPLETE ORGAN FAILURE.
I WANTED TO WRITE ON THIS SITE BECAUSE I KNOW ALL OF YOU ON HERE ARE TRYING YOUR HARDEST NOT TO DRINK.
I UNDERSTAND IT IS A MALICIOUS DISEASE AND THERE IS NOONE THAT CAN DESCRIBE IT OTHER THAN OTHER ALCOHILICS..BUT I GOT A HOLD OF HIS JOURNAL AFTER HIS PASSING. I STILL FELT A LITTLE ODD READING THRU IT, BUT I DID.
THE STRUGGLE HE HAD EVERY DAY IS MORE THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE. HOW MAD HE WAS AT HIMSELF FOR LETTING IT GO THIS FAR....
I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY STORY BECUAE HE NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO DO SO FOR HIMSELF.
HE WAS THE MOST LOVING KIND CARING MAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN.... I JUST DIDNT WANT HIM TO BE KNOW AS THE "ALKIE" WHO NEVER GOT HELP OR TREATMENT....
TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT... PLEASE , FROM A NON ALCOHOLIC TRY YOUR HARDEST EVERYDAY NOT TO PICK UP. WHATEVER THAT MAY BE.... HE WAS ONLY 31 YEARS OLD. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES FOR YOUR BENIFIT AND ALSO YOUR HEALTH. YOU MAY NOT THINK OH THIS DRINK ISNT GOING TO KILL ME ....YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT CAN BE YOUR LAST.
Laynee, thank you for reaching out in your grief & sorrow for your boyfriend's passing. I hope that you can know how powerful your words are for me. They've touched me to my soul for inside for the last few weeks I have had the merciless obsession in my mind that I want to leave all of this, give it up & try again with the drink in some kind of fantasy of being able to have my cake & eat it. I have three years recovery & I am so well immersed in fellowship & service, still the obsession can come & it festers. I have been so grateful for everything that sobriety has brought into my life.
I work daily to attain & maintain a connection with my Higher Power that grows ever deeper the more I'm willing to surrender & just today I began to stop asking for just defects removed & actually to have the obsession itself removed because it had been growing that subtley large & so pervasive. You are the answer to the prayer I sent up just before. I can't believe it but I am grateful. Thank you for reminding me because most of the time knowing the first drink could be my last is usually enough to shatter any illusion building in my head. I hadn't really been able to shake it until now.
Thank you for taking the love you had with your boyfriend & sharing it with us. Your words are such a powerful message & I for one can only tell you how much they mean to me. Never any one of us ought to die in vain & though your boy lost his life I hope his legacy may save others like you have intended. Thank you for sharing with us. I'll keep you in my prayers while you heal. If you ever need to come back & share more with us we're here for you in this difficult time. God bless you & our brother. May he be resting in gentle peace now in God's love, Danielle x
Ps. I'm 32.
-- Edited by Sobrietyspell on Thursday 17th of December 2009 02:29:11 AM
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Thankyou so much laynee for sharing this. I am convinced I am one drink away from death and I can always use a reminder what could or would happen to me if I decided to pick up a drink.
Grateful for the God I have in my life today and the life changing program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I am very sorry for your loss and would like to thank you for posting at such a difficult time. I am send prayers your way. Your post has helped me today.
Thank you for the share Laynee. I am sorry for your loss and it is a good reminder for me to hear these things cuz as more time passes, I do start thinking I can handle things different...fleeting thoughts, but they scare me. My life is more manageable now because I don't drink and have been working the program, but my friggin disease will tell me that I was drinking so much cuz I had so many problems then and it will be different this time. It won't be different and I would wind up in the same spot as your boyfriend. Again, sorry for you loss and prayers are with you in your grieving.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you for your share. It definitely puts things in perspective for me. I'm 25 years old and i always welcome a reminder as to why we go through the tribulations that we do. I am sorry for your grief, you're message today will save many lives though.
I HOPE IN ALL TOO THOSE WHO ARE READING THIS...TAKE A MINUTE AND REALLY THINK IF IT IS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END..... I KNOW PEOPLE,DOCTORS,LOVED ONES TELL YOU THAT IF YOU KEEP DRINKING YOU COULD DIE...... I HOPE THAT YOU ALL TAKE FROM MY POST THAT IT CAN AND EVENTUALLY WILL HAPPEN..... AT 31, HE DIDNT TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY AND THOUGHT HE COULD BOUNCE BACK FROM ANY AND EVERYTHING.
HE WAS VERY YOUNG AND DIDNT THINK IT COULD HAPPEN, BUT WAS ALSO TO SCARED TO CONQUER THIS DISEASE HEAD ON ......
I HOPE YOU ALL READING CONTINUE SUCCESS AND YOUR BATTLES... YOU ALL ARE IN MY PRAYERS AND IN MY THOUGHTS AND I WANT TO SAY AGAIN THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR LETTING ME SHARE....... EVEN IF IT HELPS ONE PERSON TO NOT PICK UP ...
So very sorry for the grief you are going through.
And your Post is very much appreciated on this Board.
As Sobrietyspell said, please come back here anytime, and let us know how you are doing.
Have you been to the Alanon Board, that is for family members and friends of Alcoholics, in recovery or not.
You might find some comfort in those rooms, because they are people just like you that have to watch this horrible disease, and can only Pray that the person will reach a bottom before they die of this Disease.
Hope to see you again, and you are so welcome to come here anytime, think I am repeating myself. But really hope to see you again.
Prayers going up that God will Bless you and comfort you in your pain.
I AM ALSO A MEMBER OF AL-ANON.....I WANTED TO POST HERE CAUSE IF JUST ONE PERSON DECIDES NOT TO PICK UP FOR THAT DAY...THEN I FEEL MY MESSAGE GOT ACROSS......THANK U ALL FOR LETTING ME POST AND SHARE
I am very sorry to hear this of course. For me, this may be an exercise in empathy, which unfortunately AIN'T one of my strong suits.
I must start something which infuriates me. Alcoholism has nothing to do with mental or physical strength. This simply pisses me off. If someone has an alcohol problem, it isn't pertanent to weakness!
-- Edited by johnphilip19 on Friday 18th of December 2009 01:07:23 AM
Thanks for this timely reminder, Laynee, I too have had news that a family member was found dead 2 days ago due to alcoholism. She was the cousin of my first husband, and was found by her daughter, who was visiting her with her young children (Kathy's lovely grandchildren)
I cannot begin to imagine how that must feel for those youngsters, finding mum/grandma dead?? I suffer from alcoholISM - NOT alcoholWASm - I could quite easily choose to drink again, and God alone knows WHO would find me or where they'd find me.
Alcoholism is for LIFE, NOT just for Christmas.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
