Howdy, Once the booze and dope was removed I started feeling, feelings. I felt so many new ones I did not even have a name for a lot of them. I got to be afraid of feeling my feelings. Booze and dope and lust and crime kept all those feelings buried. AS the steps removed the things I used to keep myself hidden from myself, the feelings remained. It startles me to realize that a lot of this stuff was going on in my subconscious. I was not aware of it. As I "came to" I found I needed a new kind of of courage. Not to be afraid of my feelings. As I share today I still try and gently remind myself something I learned a quite of bit a time ago. Feelings are just feelings, they have a valid place in me, THEY ARE NOT PROPHESIES !! I do not need to let them dictate my choices.
Toad, Thank you for the excellent reminder today. Like you, my feelings can go crazy some days. I remind myself its o.k. to feel and feelings aren't necessarily facts and I don't have to react to them. When I feel to much, I now realize that I may be taken over a little to much will and have to remind myself to turn my will and life over the care of my HP.
Good Morning Toad...Your's is part my story also. Had to have my VA alcoholism counselor give me his definition of feelings and then I got it and then I got angry. I've learned also the feelings just are and they really cannot hurt me. I can poke at em...hug em and just listen to them tell me whats up. Not dealing with my feelings is like listening to a movie with the sound turned off. Some times thats okay too. Thanks for the share.
Jerry-just realized VA is vets & not the commonwealth! (c ur whiteboard) Now I "feel" silly LOL
Back to the issue...for me, it has taken a long time to find some balance between my emotions and my thoughts. Therapists often say it's our thoughts that create our feelings, so disputing our irrational, negative thoughts (often about fear, anger, shame, etc) and replacing those with positive self-talk (I am lovable, I am not a victim, blah blah blah) is supposed to provoke more uplifting, less problematic feelings. Wwweeellllllllll, lemme tell ya...for so long I "felt" so fast I could not believe there was even time for any kind of underlying thought! Still not sure...I have...ha ha...mixed feelings about it. But, again, for me it's all about balance. And for balance, I need those 12 steps and a sober brain.
The only direction I am into believing today regarding my feelings is that I am responsible for them. I learned one part in program and the other in therapy. I find it true. As for thoughts causing my feelings...I am not so sure unless there was but one feeling only...anger and then I still know the difference twix the feeling and the thought. I can turn the thought on and off. I can change the feeling just as well.
I have difficulty feeling much; other than the fear of what is going on in my body. Days ago, I drank large amounts of mouthwash, and after feeling drunk, started to cry due to the feelings of drunkenness. It is still difficult for me to get an AA number, since I don't have the motivation, and am trying to get it it! HELP! Thanks...
-- Edited by johnphilip19 on Wednesday 16th of December 2009 02:38:34 AM
Oh John, I am so sorry you had to go through that. If you are still dangling at the crux of surrender, I would rather have you drink actual alcoholic beverages, than mouthwash. That is so dangerous, but then, so is ALL alcohol. You take care and pray tonight, even if you don't know whom to pray to.... just say a prayer to the sky. It can really hlep, we all have doen that and it has changed some lives here. You will be in my prayers tonight, too. And I hope that for tonight, you realize that you don't HAVE to pick up anything with alcohol, no matter what it is.
Hugs, Joni
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Heya Toad. Good reminder about feelings. Yeah...probably one of my greatest fears if not the greatest is fear of my feelings. This is largely due to having clinical depression and anxiety...But, we shall see how those problems and my emotional functioning improves with more learning and more sober time. More will be revealed right?
John, you DO NOT ever have to drink again if you don't want to. There is a solution and if you want out of this insanity bad enough pursue AA with everything you have in you. It's easy to get numbers and to call them. Ask for them and just do it. Don't wait until you are more desperate, have more to lose, and are older and even more set in your ways. The gifts you have to give as a young person getting sober are many. I will never be able to tell a 19 year old how to get sober like you will. I am praying for you and hoping you take action for yourself. You have a long happy sober life in front of you! Seize it.
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
about feelings... we can eventually feel all our feelings, no matter where on the spectrum they lie. feel it acknowledge it and let it go. we can choose to wallow in a happy or miserable place. my HP is in charge, not the feeling, and choosing to be of service can level out my ups and downs.... and get me out of my own head.
