I'm curious how you all differentiate between feelings of anxiety and a desire to consume alcohol. I have a LOT of anxiety right now about a long trip I'll be taking in January (without my family), worried that I'll miss them too much and vice versa. Anyway, I am also six days into a thirty day alcohol-free agreement I have with my husband and an alcohol counselor. I'm anxious and I want to drink. I can't tell if I want to drink because I'm anxious about not drinking, or if I want to drink because I'm anxious about the trip. I feel like one is a better answer than the other... I guess it doesn't matter, does it? They both scream problem (still working on admitting that one). To make matters worse, I don't want to talk to my husband about this, because I don't want him to know it's that big of a struggle. I want everything to back the way it was. You all find a connection between anxiety and an urge to drink?
-- Edited by runnergirl on Monday 14th of December 2009 10:29:25 AM
-- Edited by runnergirl on Monday 14th of December 2009 10:30:09 AM
I read this and moved on but, it bothered me. I'll try my best although, I do believe you're not going to like the answer. If your six days into a thirty day agreement and are anxious to have a drink then you may have thinking problem. You see in my experience, once I put down the drink my mind came up with all these different reasons of why I should or could drink. I have a disease that will tell me that I don't have a disease. All this after twenty years without a drink or a drug. I as an alcoholic have the most cunning, baffling and powerful malady called alcoholism. If you're concealing your struggle from the person who most wants you to see that there is a problem that in itself should give you your answer. If I could tell you how many times my wife saw through my disease when I couldn't it would cover many words, days, years of recovery. The reason to try it for thirty days is to see if you will go through, what, you're going through. I've watched many a newcomer enter into the rooms of AA and share their thinking problem with another alcoholic only to realize that they are not alone, unique or different than any of us. Try AA, share your problem, if your being honest the odds of that anxiety going away are high. You have nothing to lose. Twenty four more days and you can say I told you so or twenty four more days and you can surrender and say you were right. I hope this helps......
RG you have learned a lot in 6 days. I didn't know that much in a year!! "I guess it doesn't matter" what a profound realization!! So the solution is no matter the seeming justification...."Don't Drink" Your husband may just be the victim of your problem and the wrong person to talk to. It could turn out to be a set up. A set up is similar to a prophesy..."When things got this anxious in the past I drank because of it and right now I see it might get worse because __________ (insert what ever justification) and then I'll drink." Insert "I guess it doesn't matter" and "I will reach out for help before it happens". For me...the only place I am able to reach out for help and find one or many more fellows willing and able to keep me sober is the Spiritually based 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Knowing that all I need to know is how to contact them and then my anxiety lessens.
Get some phone number before you leave. If you're heading to Hilo...I'll give you mine. ((((hugs))))
It's all about honesty. Honesty with self, honesty with others. When we take the first step, and then the second step, and then the third step, anxiety should be greatly alleviated. Then the 4th through the 12th steps tend take care of any residuals and recurrences, if we are continuing to be honest.
runnergirl, six days into being alcohol-free is an anxious time for any problem drinker. The fact that you crave a drink should tell you something. If you stick with the program, your anxieties will lessen-- but more importantly, you will be able to handle anxiety and not think of drinking to alleviate it. Old patterns take time to change.
I'm a little over 90 days sober and I still get anxious at times (most people do), but my first thought is not a drink. I pray, come to this board, go to a meeting, talk about it, take a walk, or just let it pass. The instinct to turn to alcohol fades with time.
Your reply had me in tears. But thank you. I just made plans to go to a meeting tonight and will tell my hubby about it when he calls. Thanks again.
Oh thanks God. I was just about to lay it on you about keeping secrets from your husband and ask you: If you had to choose between drinking and your husband, what would your choice be? Because you very well may have to. What you don't know is that there are so many things working against you getting sober. Without knowledge and the tools to manage your sobriety, it's very difficult to do achieve. Let me tell you that there are no weak willed cowards in here. We all honestly tried many times to quit drinking on our own before we got up the nerve to go to meetings and work a 12 step program. What we didn't know was how wonderful this program, and the people in it, are. Get to as many meetings as you can. It's recommended that a newcomer attend 90 meetings in 90 days, but at least go to 3 or 4 in a week and see how much better you feel and how much easier it is to stay sober. Let us know how your meeting went.
I sometimes use anxiety as an excuse to drown in any form of alcohol I can get my hands on. However, in the end I realize that making excuses is only going to prolong my problem.
Thanks so much, everyone, for the helpful comments. I did make it to a meeting tonight. Arrived a little late, so I missed the introductions, but that was okay since I wasn't thrilled about introducing myself anyway. It was a fairly big meeting, probably 60 people or so, but my friend saved me a seat so that was nice. It was a 12 x 12 meeting (does that sound right?) where they read a tradition and a step. It was nice listening to the stories people were telling. Everyone is so different, but so much the same, too. It's interesting that the main conversation wasn't about drinking, it was about living. Mostly the change from dysfunctional living to functional living.
I told my husband that I went and he thought it was a good idea. Sadly, I feel kind of embarrassed... guess I feel like it's a flaw or something. But he's very encouraging and helpful. I also told him I was planning on buying alcohol. Felt good to tell him that too. Still trying not to think past today...
I believe that everything you are feeling and experiencing is completely normal for a person early in sobriety.
I remember my first year staying sober ... I was on this huge emotional roller coaster and my thoughts, feelings and actions were all over the place . Oh, how my sponsor helped me thru those times and Im forever grateful for Her.
Time takes time. You are going to learn so much and have so many questions. This is why a confidential relationship with a same sex sponsor is so highly recommended in the fellowship.
You are blessed to have the support of your husband. As difficult as it might be, do the best to be honest with yourself, therefor finding it more easy to be honest with Him. I would suggest getting a big book of AA and asking him to read the first 164 pages so that He can understand what it is you are trying to accomplish. Or at least ask him to read the chapter 'To Wives', ( of course, have him change it to husbands ), and the chapter 'Family Afterwards' is good too. Heck - the whole book is good !!
Back in the early days of AA , the families recovered together. Everyone got involved in the spiritual process of growth. For it is a family sickness and anyone who is near or loves the alcoholic is affected.
Anxiety or Alcoholism you ask ? For me, they went hand in hand. I experienced much of the restlessness, irritability and discontent early on that is talked about in our book. However , working the steps in a timely manner helped to relieve that.
Try not to worry or concern yourself with a trip in January. January is not here yet. I decided to throw away my crystal ball a long time ago ... it kept lying to me.
Find a God of your understanding, Find a sponsor, work the steps , help others and take life as best you can one day at a time. Dont drink, go to meetings and pray. Call if you need help. Trust me ... you are helping me by just being here and Im thankful for your post.
Laurie, I hope this helps... Quitting drinking is not easy. I will share my own experience with 14 and a half months sober. My emotions were up down and all over the place...more down than anything because when I stopped drinking there was a big void where alcohol used to be and I was confronted with all these insecurities and fears I had. It is to be expected that you will have some intense moments with your feelings and you should know that is coming so that you don't use it as an excuse to drink. Feelings are not facts and a big part of this program for me was learning how to live with my feelings instead of drowning them in alcohol. I personally think it's best to be honest with everyone around you (who is of importance) about what you are going through. That is the principle behind step 1. Also Laurie, give more meetings a try. The one you went to sounded really good, but meetings cover such a broad spectrum of topics regarding alcoholism that you will hear so much more that you need to hear. You will hit meetings that deal specifically with alcohol and meetings where people talk about how it was for them to be a newcomer and what worked for them. Just remember to breathe when you feel the walls closing in. In the first month (and still sometimes) I have to practice saying "I'm going to work and I'm okay"..."I'm in a meeting and I'm okay"..."I'm laying on the couch and I'm okay." My mind wants me to believe I am not okay and I am anxious and discontent and need to drink to settle it. I highly recommend making a list of positive things that you enjoy which relax you that DO NOT involve alcohol. A big part of handing things over is practicing those things and taking care of yourself like that. Doing those things is admitting powerlessness over the problem, handing it to a higher power, then engaging in the solution (meditation, talking to another alcoholic, reading this board, watching a cheezy movie, praying)...whatever. You need to start replacing the drinking with healthy behaviors such as going to meetings, calling your sponsor, and all the other things in life you robbed yourself of enjoying by drinking so much. As addicts we need to replace unhealthy addictions with healthy ones and to nurture ourselves. Be good to yourself. Seek out recovery with a vengeance and all the desire you have within you to be what God wants you to be. Pray for strength and find solace and encouragement in AA. That is what worked for me and continues to work. When you hit hard spots remind yourself you are growing, recovering and becoming whole.
Your post just hit me hard because I fully identify with the scared and overwhelming feelings you described and I also see you teetering on step 1 which is the only one you have to do perfectly. You know you are powerless over alcohol and at 6 days in, your mind and body are clearly telling you that. Have strength and do the right thing...even if it means canceling your trip in January...but I would agree not to worry too much about that now. Just put recovery first. This is the most important thing in your life right now and it needs to be treated as such. In love and support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Congratulations on making a meeting! You've had some great responses in this thread! My prior experience in sobriety was that in the very beginning (where you are) a lot of exposure to AA and other alcoholics is very important. Getting an alcoholic's phone number (easy as pie to get) and calling that person when you are feeling squirrelly or having a craving is invaluable. I know it seems fairly ridiculous to call a virtual stranger, but trust me they WANT you to call. Talking to a non-alcoholic about cravings and anxieties regarding alcohol can be challenging. Hope you have a good evening.
Every alcoholic has a high level of serious anxioety while first getting sober. For some, it lasts longer than for others. But you are not here, nor are we to try to predict how long, or when, or what.... etc.
running girl, you have lived your life while drinking, with basically a buffer between you and reality. Emotions have been clouded by alcohol, so you didn't really have to "feel them" while drinnking. Stress did not seem as stressful, because it was buffered by drinking. Now, it is as if you have been walking around with an opaque bag over your head for however long you drank, and suddenly, you have ripped it off your head, allowing everything to come rushing at you- noise, bright lights, stress, feelings, awareness, worry and strife. Your senses are on overload right now. And that is unfortunately part of the process of moving away from alcohol and toward true happiness and fulfillment.
All people have some level of anxiety, triggered by different. Some people are more easily upset by things others are not upset by, etc. Each is a little different. But every alcoholic who stops drinking goes through a time where everything is new and stressful, and when the body THINKS something is wrong because it has learned to compensate for all the alcohol you put into it. Without the alcohol, your body is trying to adapt back to it's healthier chemistry, and that is stressful as well.
That is why people in AA speak of "Easy Does It", "One Day At A Time", and so forth. We did not get sick overnight, we will not feel well overnight. But if you do not pick up a drink, then you won't have to start this WHOLE cycle all over again. So go with what you have, and keep NOT picking up, one day at a time. You only have to stay sober today. Don't worry about tomorrow, you can't live it today. If you focus on it, you will spoil today for yourself.
And about getting things "back to normal", you can't. Things will never be the same, but sometimes, if you can get honest, things can be better than you even thought to wish for. Don't try to hide the difficulty from your husband. That si just another way of blocking him out of yet another part of your life. And you need to start letting people in. He will respect you more for asking for his support, rather than being very obvious at trying to hide your anxiety right now. Just be you. No one is expecting you to have it all together right now, so don't try to fake it. It won't help your recovery, and it wopn't help your relationships with others. Tryinhg to still be in control does not impress those who will see you as doing the same old thing... hiding your problems and feelings.
I am so glad you are here. You have a ton of love, experience, strangth and hope to draw upon. Big hugs to you for making a good decision about quitting the alcohol.
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
