I'm wrapped up in myself and my fear today, so I thought a good solution would be to write about it. So I'm throwing this out to the world: Please help me Be Here Now!
There are some unknowns in my life and they are nagging at me today. I'm responding in fear, but at least it's not overwhelming fear. Just the kind that keeps me from enjoying life the way I should, considering how wonderful it really is. My future fears are about my health (blood pressure issues), whether or not I'll be able to have another child, where we will live in a few years, and questions about my job (and money) situation. With some of these things, I think I want them to go a certain way and get overly focused on those thoughts. With others I feel completely lost, like I should have a direction for my life and know what is best. (Notice how it's all about how I think things should be, no God mentioned in the Fear List!)
So I've talked with my sponsor about creating a meditation practice to help me stay in the here and now. Of course, we keep missing each other on the phone and haven't started yet. I know we will but right now I'm feeling impatient (hahaha to that, because impatience is NOT being here now!) I've done different meditations like this before and they really help. I need to be present so that I can be helpful to others, so this topic is really my way of being present and open to others. So this is where I'm at today!
I counted about four different topics of concern, all of which you are completely powerless over, right.
At times when I feel there is possible a fear attack coming up, I do this simply and very effective breathing exercise, I keep my mouth closed, breathing deep into my lower abdomin, through my nostrils, then hold that air there for as long as I can, and then holding my nose, I breath it all out in a blowing fashion, slowly, and pause and I repeat this exercise about 3 time in the course of maybe 14 minutes.
When I am exhaling, I am exhaling all that fear stuff, concentrating on the exhaled air holding all that fear stuff in it, (have to use you imagination of course). But when I do this exercise, I feel the Fear being released back into the atnosphere.
I heard a young man, once talking about this subject, and he did this exercise, that helped him so much, I have tried it and it also works, he said he will get into shower, and begin washing his body with a warm wash cloth. As he is wash his feet, he says, outloud, now, I am washing my feet, and then goes up and over his whole body, repeating the process of saying out loud where he is currently washing. Might sound so silly, but anything to bring us right back to exactly where we are.
Step l, then 3, then Step Eleven, will sort of automatically take us to the 12th Step, and we are whole again, reaching out to another.....
Hope you day eases up, so happy you shared how you are doing, please write and tell us how you are doing later, ok?
A warm hug to you my friend, Toni
PS. Just wanted to say that I learned that exercise, when I made a Mayday call to my own Therapist, for I was in so much fear, it was getting out of control. and the above exercise completely stopped it from going into a Panic attack. Completely turned it around and out of fear.
If you lived next to me, I would say show him (fear) to me, I will kick his butt today)
-- Edited by Just Toni on Wednesday 9th of December 2009 04:10:36 PM
Okay Toni, you are cracking me up with the coffee pot! Actually I drank too much caffeine today and I'm sure it's not helping me. But I presently appreciate your "present".
I also think I need to do some deep breathing exercises - it would certainly help my blood pressure too. I've gotten back into working out and it really helps my state of mind (except for today, lol!). I'm glad that I've been connected to this Board, I read it much more often than I write on it and it always helps me get my mind right. Thanks!
Jen, I very much understand what you are talking about. Very much! I have something wrong with my health (biliary problems), getting tests at the hospital next week. Having my stepkids fly here for Christmas for 10 days, after the youngest was hospitalized for 5 mo. this past spring for severe violence and mental health problems. (He's 10). I start more hours at work soon, I work 3 and 1/2 days now (was good for my recovery and MY mental health issues!), and soon to 40 hours now, in January. (It is a necessity for the practice.) My husband is very inconsistent with the kids, which makes matters horrific. My basement leaks when it rains, and my side door is about to fall off...... what else???? My husband's job is very dangerous in the winter, several guys he knew had been killed or maimed over the past few winters. There will be times when he is working so many days in a row, and such long hours, I will not see him for days on end.
I worry about our being able to get rid of this house, and about how we are going to go about buying the house next door. I have a vehicle that, although very cool, is very fussy, and I wonder after we restored the whole thing, what is going to happen next. I wonder how I am going to enjoy my favorite foods over Christmas, with this new digestive problem. And sometimes, I just plain am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which is senseless!!
I am with you, there is a need for meditation in my life. I keep SAYING, and thinking I am going to get back into Yoga. But have I been doing it? No.
Is my worrying about any of this going to help me enjoy and appreciate, and be functional TODAY? Absolutely not. And what are my chances, amid all this worry about the future, of being helpful to ANYONE else, let alone me?
I thank God I no longer have "cyclic thinking", where I get onto something and iot keeps me awake at night. That stopped a long time ago, was removed by the Grace of God through this program. But I think my energy level is truly compromised by the worries that I at least visit ONCE throughout every day.
So basically, I share your desire to stay in the moment, and your post has hopefully brought me one step closer to that good yoga I am missing out on. Thanks, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Aloha Jen...Almost seemed that you were at our meeting this evening with the topic on fear. There was a Jen in the room too!! HMMMMM Can you transport to Hilo?
Prayer and Meditation is right on and one of our members shared on her growing recovery with it and how it is coming out for her. She is growing alot and willing to go to any lengths to find her self in the same room as her HP all the time.
For me Fear broken down to False Evidence Appearing Real first reminds me that the problem starts within my head and with my brain not having anything constructive to do other than dream up worry scenarios and then create dialog which had nothing to do at all with reality and then attempting to make it all plausible or real. When I find myself "talking story" in my head I know what I need to do next...STOP!! and focus on what is in front of me and not on anything in the past, not realistic and not in the future. Fear is a wall I build between my HP and myself which locks me inside of a stressful temporary situation making it powerful. Thanks to the program and all of my sponsors and fellow mentors I have come to the realization along with the help of my HP that Fear is the absence of love and love HP. So with that I practice not trying to outdistance my HP and meditation is a 24/7 practice on HP's presence.
Staying in the now is humbling and easier to practice. If I need to be anywhere else I look up and ask, "Where do you want me."
Sure you weren't in Hilo this eveing twix 6 and 7?
Hey guys, thanks so much for the posts. Jerry, between 6 and 7 I was getting home from picking up my toddler and fixing dinner. I haven't been to the online meetings because of my schedule, I tend to use this board online and my "in-person" meetings at night. But sounds like this Jen would like the other Jen! I laughed as I read your post, thinking "but my worries ARE real!" Other people have false evidence, mine is real. Ha! So thanks for bringing me back to reality.
Like what Joni was describing, it's easy to focus on the "real" problems to the point that they seem almost debilitating. It's a way of thinking/feeling I'm very familiar with. (Used to be, Next step: drink). I've been affecting my husband with this mindset, too. Joni, I'm currently working 40 hours and my husband works about 60 hours so I end up doing the most for our now 2-year-old and taking care of the house. I'm exhausted. I want to work 20-30 hours a week but we owe some money so I have us on a schedule and told myself I won't try to change jobs until we are completely debt free. But AAAAHHH to that! I'm also about to turn 42 and want another child but I've had two miscarriages and now I'm worried that the only blood pressure medicine I can take won't be enough. So life is up in the air - SO WHAT? Okay, sorry to just ramble on to you guys, put it's like a deep breath blown out.
Thanks for the posts, for letting me know I'm not alone and reminding me of what I need to hear!
I know this seems simple and doesn't cover all of your post - but a favorite saying of mine that I have posted on my wall is "Don't Always Believe What you Think" I can sure make up some doozies in my head - and then believe them. Generally leads right to stinking thinking...and me carrying around thoughts that have no basis. Such a time waster too....
Totally agree with finding the time to do yoga and the clearing of the mind -- I too need to make that a priority. Why do we not?
Toni-- your post reminded me of a thing we used to do in my early sobriety and needed to calm or quiet my mind. When I would lay down at night my husband would start to say "I'm relaxing my left foot, it is relaxed, it is calm" and then he would say the ankle or the next body part and generally by the time he was at shoulders I was asleep-- I've tried it saying those things myself and it does work that way as well. Thanks for reminding me of another tool in my basket!
Glad I got to "be here now" to read this post~ Good stuff.
When I get all wraped up in fear I notice thats its usually about something that hasnt happened yet. I love the above saying "Dont always believe what you think". What also works for me is asking myself "Whats wrong right this minute?" Usually the answer is "Nothing". Helps me to stay in the moment.
It's amazing how a little chatting can re-direct my thoughts and actions. Thanks for the posts, it has really helped. Without writing a book about it, I'll say that something big and not nice happened at work and 3 coworkers are now gone. I was (and am) pretty calm, and I think it's because of your help, these great reminders and the fact that I actually took time to meditate before all that happened. THANK YOU!
I agree with Just Tony about the reaxation technic, but I would preclude it with a couple of minutes deep breathing whist rasing your shoulders up on the in breath, and letting thm flop on the out breath. It was quite a shock to me when I was taught this, many of us really do literally carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.
I just did it myself, and I feel more chilled.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
I can relate to health and economic concerns. My wife is disabled and I have a bad liver. I am unemployed and our home is in foreclosure. Still, these things don't get to me like they would have at one time. I have faith that my HP will provide what I need if not neccesarily what I want. All I have to do is the next right thing, one day at a time.
Sometimes at night I just watch our cats. Their needs are simple and their wants are few. We can learn true serenity from our pets.
I also walk in the woods whenever possible. Mother Nature always calms me down.
I remember seeing a poster of very cute puppy and the caption read "Don't tell me worrying doesn't help, everything I ever worried about hasn't happened". Cute eh???
The only thing to "fear" is "fear itself". Cheers Carlotta
