I have such a long story, but am at work with a deadline to meet in a few hours, and can't seem to get my head straight and have my thoughts toward work as they should be.
Went to my old clubhouse this morning before work, and had just missed the end of the meeting, talked with a guy I knew for a few mintues, then came on in to work.
Husband is totally not supportative of my going to meetings...will talk about that later. And he isn't one of us, and DOES NOT understand AA, or members, and why it is so important for daily meetings, etc.
Please just say a prayer for me, and I will check back in, in a couple of hours.
thanks to whoever may respond...until I get back..
You are moving in the right direction again. Remember you are doing this for yourself so as far as retaining sobriety goes the wishes of others may have to be ignored for the time being. That is how it was for me and it wasn't fun. Thankfully my Higher Power was working on my behalf and I got through that part of getting sober. Sometimes I still have to put the wishes of others behind my needs but without sobriety I have nothing to offer. Keep the positive attitude! take care, Neil
Miss T, Welcome back. For me it was kept simple each time I went out and came back. Go to meetings, ask for help and let HP(God) sort out the details. Like Neil said you need to do this for yourself. No one else. This is a program not for people that need it, but for those that want it and take action. Please come back and share your experience with us and help us stay sober. Good luck to you.
Welcome back Toni!! You pushed my amends button. I was at one time your husband and felt and thought and did what he is doing to be non-supportive. I apologize for doing that...it caused my wife to go back out and you know what going back out is all about now yourself. I was fearful and jealous of AA. I did not want any one person or group more responsible for her being sober and happy than me and so I ended up sabotaging her recovery. When she asked if I thought she was an alcoholic I told her NO! and then later realized that this is exactly what she came to me for rather than her sponsor. She was craving going back out and I was the door opener for her. This is a cunning, powerful and very baffling disease and I am glad you are at that baffling part of coming back into the rooms. Go ahead and offer your husband some compassion and understanding that he may be feeling scared and jealous. Tell him he could come to a better understanding if he so desired in the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups (this is what I did...HP directed). I wish him luck and peace of mind and serenity. I wish you courage and continued sobriety and much more. In support
Ya know, when I got sober Sept. 3, 2003 and working the program, very involved in service work and being a sponser, I always said, I don't ever want to forget my last drunk and how I felt. Said I never wanted to have to get sober again.
I had thus far...been sober 2 years. then
Then "he" came into my life. (my husband since August). We didn't start out in the best of circumstances. I was married but getting out of it and he was still married and living at home. I know, I know...I was the other woman...but a sober other woman...how f--ked up is that?
I fell in love, my meetings started twindling down, in order to make time for him (remember he was still married) and would choose to see him instead of sitting my a$$ in a meeting. He was jealous of my meetings, especially the hugging that goes on...my mistake letting him know that one.
Was going to meetings on my lunch hour..luckily I live where there are a total of 143 meetings a week...but then my phone would vibrate, and I would jump up and take the call outside. I let someone else step in front of my program.
Long story short. He left his marraige in May 2008 and moved in with me. Very happy our life was starting together. Went to a 4th of July party at his boss's house, and was offered a beer. Thought well, beer was not my choice of drink. I'll just have one. Had two. then the stinking thinking comes in and says...oh you can drink. Just drink something different and not the same way you use to.
So being the good little southern girl ...I all of a sudden started mixing my drink with o.j....after years of chasing with coke...now I could handle this..it is mixed. BAM!!
I'm hooked again!
My drinking started out in only on the weekends..then of course got right to where it was in 2003 before I quit.
I have talked to AA's here and there while being out. Calling to check on me or run into them somewhere. Talked to my sponser this morning and told her the...ya know stories etc. She is hard as crap on me. She is tough as nails, and tells it like it is. She would always get on me when I would say...yeah but...and her response would be anything after but...is bullshit. Justifying at it's best.
I need AA again. I want it again. My peace and sincerity have gone out the window when "I" allowed someone/something to take first place in my life.
My husband is going to be a tough cookie on these meetings, but like I told him, I have to have support. He can't give me that kind of support...he is not one of us, and doesn't understand why, what and all the issues that comes with being an alcoholic.
Thank you for your understanding and kind words Jerry F and Mike B.
I need to go tonight to a meeting and pick up the half ton white chip and start over
thanks for listening and letting me share
MissT
-- Edited by MissT on Tuesday 8th of December 2009 02:42:04 PM
MissT, we have a lot in common besides being neighbors (I live in east TN)--
I'm an alcoholic. I've tried the "beer experiment." I've tried the "different mixer experiment." I've relapsed after 3.5 years of sobriety. I've been the "other man." I've let relationships push my recovery aside. I'm back.
Good for you to keep trying. Go to those meetings-- no matter what.
Welcome to MIP, Toni. I hope you'll stay close & include us in your recovery. We are with you in your journey of sobriety no matter what & I hope you refind your joys of service work after rediscovering the steps. I sense that you have known a faithful recovery & my hope is that you will have that again & keep it with you 1Day@aTime. It's good to have you here. I'm glad you've joined us. We're fellowship everywhere. Never alone again, Danielle x
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Well aren't YOU a very lucky lady?? Like ME a good few years ago - I made it back to AA, I have been to many funerals of those who don't get away with it. I was living with a guy who was like your husband, but having had another go at it, I told him he either had to accept that AA is for life, or I'm outa here.
I left, and have stayed sober ever since, but complacency can sneak in catching me unawares, especially on cold dark winters nights, I get that 'can't be bothered' head on, so I try to remember what weather conditions I have gone through to get another bottle, so I have to put as much into sobriety as I did into drinking if I want to stay sober.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Have been back out since July 4, 2008.