I'm new. I just signed my date of sobriety in the other thread - 11 days.
Does everyone need a sponsor? How does that work? I feel like I'm working through things my own way right now, with the help of AA. So when should I reach out or whatever, with/to a sponsor?
I reached out for a sponsor when I realized that everyone else in the program and around me at my home group were growing past me and I was beginning to not understand but wanted what they had. I chose sponsors who had what I wanted, certain qualities that I found necessary to changing my life. They had to have more time than myself and be of the same gender. I was good at manipulating the women I drank with and did the same thing to my first sponsor who had more time than I and was woman. It wasn't good for me and I wasn't good to her either. Got fired and then started with the directions the next time. In support.
It's never too soon to get a sponsor. In the meetings in our area, the chair person asks for members who are available to be sponsors to raise the hand so that someone needing a sponsor can ask them after the meeting. Try and get to a meeting every day for the first 90 days to get in the habit of not drinking and going to meetings. This will also allow members of the meetings that you go to to get to know you. Making friends in the program is a huge part of our recovery. We call it the "Fellowship".
Hi Erin and welcome! A sponsor is good to get ASAP in my opinion. It is good to soak up info and work through things on your own...which you will be doing anyhow even with a sponsor. You will just be getting more feedback and direction and it will add to your support. Having a sponsor will guard against what is common for us to start thinking when we begin feeling better....which is that we don't have a problem and don't need AA. Addiction is the only disease which tries to tell you that you don't have a disease. So that is one of the main reasons to stay in close contact with a sponsor because they can help catch us when we do that cuz a sponsor has years of experience (typically) dealing with that and other issues we face. Of course it goes without saying that a sponsor will guide you through the steps and, truly, the steps cannot be worked effectively without a sponsor. You can stay sober without working them with a sponsor, but I would not recommend it. Either way, don't necessarily feel pressured to get a sponsor, but I would start looking. In support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
After I posted that I realized he time is now because I am feeling desperate. I just have to get over calling one ofthe numbers I've collected. I know two men in recovery, friends, but I need a woman, I realize this.
I would have liked to attend severL meetings this week but my schedule does not allow. I sought out online communities and none seem too active. I really want this to work! I am determined.
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done and I didn't even think I had a 'real' problem when I said 'i quit'. I'm just sick of not being in control.
I decided that I needed a sponsor because 1) I wanted an objective guide to help me work through the steps with a plan. 2) I am, by both nature and nurture, a self-serving, self-driven, arrongant-doesn't-play-well-with-others-PRICK.
I knew that I needed someone to put a ring in my nose and take charge while making it seem like it was my idea until I realized it was HP's doing, not mine. That's my Greg. Loving as a Father, Tough as a Drill Instructor and crafty as a Salesman. He knows me better than I do.
You'll know when you need a sponsor, and you'll know who to ask. Just tell your HP that you're willing to recieve a nudge in the right direction, keep your eyes open, and you'll get the answer you need.
Not being in control is one of the main things we have to confront in AA. We really can't control much of anything other than showing up for life and dealing with it without drinking and using the tools AA gives us. Step 1 is We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanagable. On a deeper level, I was taught that this step does not just apply to alcohol, but it means we are powerless over so many things in life and the main reason we are extra powerless over alcohol is that it was our main maladaptive coping skill to try and deal with all the things in life that seemed intolerable that I could not control and was afraid of. Part of our sickness is perpetually trying to control the world around us rather than accept it for what it is and find strength within. Getting a sponsor is part of the process of learning to hand over problems to a higher power. At first, I would say that my sponsor and the meetings were the strongest higher power I had and I went to my sponsor with every problem I had. I am still in the process of handing those over to God now and letting go in that manner. This was just the natural unfolding of how things worked for me in my journey thus far. My sponsor did hold me accountable for making meetings and calling people. He was very active in service and that got me smack in the middle of AA. I am a firm believer that, in the beginning, AA only really works in high doses. That does mean many meetings and trying to be part of the fellowship so as to build a new way of living, sober friends, and sober activities. My sponsor gently, and not so gently sometimes guided me through all of that and even though I had to change sponsors recently, as I found myself needing something different, I am forever grateful for what my first sponsor did for me. Never before has a person helped me so much free of charge. That is a wonderful thing that AA offers, so sponsorship is a blessing.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I was reading in a different post, your obsessing about Beer, that is pretty predictable at 11 days, not shocking is what I am saying. But a Sponsor would be the one to talk to about that, and hopefully change your thinking on that one.
Sounds like your need is in the Critical catagory.
I hear you saying your having problems with getting to meetings, keep trying, you will find a way, I know a whole bunch of woman that did have that problem, and now go to a daytime meeting, everyday.
Praying for you that you get that schedule going for yourself, and finding a Sponsor, we are powerless over Alcohol, as in our First Step......you will find a way, just keep asking and working on it, please.......way too early to be out there doing this on your own....just as Dean said, please try to enter the Fellowship of the "WE" Program.
Prayers going up for you that you succeed in this.
My sponsee came round tonight, to share his step 4. Where is it said I - in my head says he. Why not written out says I - don't know where to start says he. Would you like me to help get you started etc.etc.etc.
What did I get out of this? Learning! If I want a man to do a thing a particular way then I have to be sure he understands exactly what is required. If he understands what is required I maybe need to show him how to start.
Growth - I relaised that I had assumed things would be done a particular war, I assumed that my sponsee understood what was required. That was my mistake. That's what I had to step 10 on.
Y'see, sponsors get as much out of sponsoring as sponsees do.
So all you potential sponsees out there who hold off getting a sponsor, not only are you holding your recovery back needlessly, you are also depriving a sponsor of the opportunity to learn and grow. And learning and growth is central to ongoing sobriety.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I resisted getting a sponsor in the first couple of weeks because I did not trust others and was anxious about social contact outside of work.
I am so glad I started using my list. My sponsor and I hooked up orginally as a temporary situation. Now, I can't imagine a better person for me. HAVING MY SPONSOR HAS BEEN AN AMAZING GIFT IN SOBRIETY AND IN LIFE. CAN'T RECOMEND IT ENOUGH.
Just wanted to say that up at the top, there is a Permanent Post on Websites, spiritual tapes, etc. lots of websites there, but what stood out to me, was something you might really find helpful at this moment in time, the last poster has a website, where you can actually listen to the Whole Big Book, of Alcoholics Anonymous.....hope you find some woman, even just one meeting, ask in the middle of the meedting, if you can, Ask if woman would leave their phone numbers with you. You just might be surprised how many woman would love to do that for you.
As Bill said, Sponsors need Sponsees just as much, part of our wonderful WE Program.
I made it to a mtg tonight. It's like I can breath again when I head to one. I'm home now, with my fam, there is a case of beer in the fridge that my husband got today. Uh. I feel like shit. No one seems to think I have a problem but me so ....
I made it to a mtg tonight. It's like I can breath again when I head to one. I'm home now, with my fam, there is a case of beer in the fridge that my husband got today. Uh. I feel like shit. No one seems to think I have a problem but me so ....
So, I don't know.
It's very important for you to talk to your husband about not keeping alcohol in the house. It's way to tempting, especially since you like to drink beer, for it to be in the house. You do have the right to request this and he should comply without making a fuss.
My husband thinks I'm being silly by going to meetings and speaking of aa. He thinks I'm over reacting. My kids are in bed and now so am I. Questioning everything. Maybe it doesn't really matter if I'm sober, maybe I AM overreacting. Ifeel likei could throwup. My head hurts, lose of appetite, moody as hell... 12 days, what for? I don't know.
Hbg, if it didn't mater then why does it hurt, make you moody, and not want to eat, to stop drinking for 12 days? I mean, that's one hell of a reaction to Not doing something, isn't it? It's typical for a spouse (especially a drinking spouse) to be in denial about their newly sober spouse. They don't want to lose their drinking partner
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 6th of December 2009 08:29:29 PM
I opened myself up to sponsors tonight but nothing came my way just yet. Still relying on my buddiesfor guidance. Noon tomorrow can't come fast enough (mtg).
I agree, I was/am so surprised by my body's reaction. Obviously it shows there to be a bigger prob. I have portion control issues. I am an alcoholic like most of my family. What am I supposed to do, turn my back on my husband? Ugh. I'm freaking out.
I opened myself up to sponsors tonight but nothing came my way just yet. Still relying on my buddiesfor guidance. Noon tomorrow can't come fast enough (mtg).
I agree, I was/am so surprised by my body's reaction. Obviously it shows there to be a bigger prob. I have portion control issues. I am an alcoholic like most of my family. What am I supposed to do, turn my back on my husband? Ugh. I'm freaking out.
Keep looking and you'll find one. Say a little prayer for a sponsor. You don't have to "turn your back" on your husband at all. Just have a conversation with him. Tell him that drinking alcohol is causing you problems mentally and physically and that you want to stop. Tell him it's important to you and it doesn't matter if he doesn't understand, and that you would greatly appreciate his help (and support) by not keeping alcohol in the house. It would help you if he didn't drink in the house at all, but at least he could place the beer that he isn't drinking (that day) in the trunk of his car. Hang in there, one day at a time. You can do it.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 7th of December 2009 06:42:15 AM
hbg, Welcome to the group , really glad you are here !
Your head is spinning, your thoughts are out of control and it sounds as tho you are confused and scarred. All very, very normal in early sobriety. Relax, take deep breaths in thru your nose and let it out slowly thru your mouth. Slow down and do the best you can to take it easy.
You are going to meetings and that is good. I would suggest you sit and listen. Search out a woman that portrays the kind of sobriety you might like to have yourself. Pray and ask God to put the right lady in your path. When you find this woman, ask Her to sponsor you. ( please look for the AA phamplet called : Questions & Answers on Sponsorship. It should be in the literature section at meetings, and you can ask the chairperson to get you one. )
My husband tried to tell me I was not an alcoholic too. He said I just liked to party to much, lol. He thought I was making a big deal out of AA. And to be honest ... I did make a big deal out of AA. The ppl in the rooms gave me hope for a better life and that is what I wanted and needed .. a new life. Cuz the one I was living was killing me !! There are many changes to go thru in getting sober and they not only affect Us, but everyone around us. Keep the focus on YOU. Be cordial and as kind as you can be to hubby and other family members who may not understand. Take care of yourself and let the ppl in the rooms of AA help you.
Please feel free to email me anytime , I am here to help. We all are here to help you. We have to help others in order to maintain our own sobriety.
If you are a real alcoholic, AA offers a solution to the drink problem. Its not easy sometimes, but it certainly beats the way of life I was living. You can have it too !! If you are willing to change and care enough about yourself to get yourself healthy , then join Us for the ride. Its a great journey and Ive never, ever regretted one single minute of it.
Im Lori and Im an alcoholic. loricrawford63@yahoo.com
I also treated my alcoholic wife like she wasn't alcoholic and mostly because of my own ego and pride...I didn't want to be married to one!! What was the consequence of my treatment and lack of understanding and compassion? She went back out again. Had I known better and was more compassionate I would have done better at supporting her quest for sobriety. You might be up against a deterrent to your sobriety. You won't be with the MIP family...Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Another tool of AA...When you are having a crappy day, you can choose to start it over and make it great at any time. Sometimes a call to a sponsor helps in doing this as well.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
