Need some advice - please help

Loulou · Newbie

Need some advice - please help

tryin1moretime · Newbie

I am also new to this board and have been struggling with this myself. I don't want people to know that I am in this situation. I'm embarrassed and ashamed, and fearful that going to meetings may put me in a position to be recognized and it may get back to my job.

However, I was reading a book this morning that said "Our sense of shame is one of the most poisonous emotions we can ever experience. This sense of shame drives us deeper into our addiction in an effort to escape or compensate for our loss of self worth. Pretending that we are strong and able to be in control of our lives keeps us from gaining physical, emotional, and spiritual healing and freedom".

It suddenly seemed like the dread I've been feeling about going to meetings... all my excuses.. I don't have time, my schedule is too full, someone might see me that would embarrass me.. they all are just part of my disease and if I buy into them I am guaranteeing that my alcoholic behaviors will just continue. I am realizing today that I cannot do it on my own--if I could I wouldn't even be here!

I still dread going, but I'm going to go to my first meeting this afternoon.

carlasober · Senior Member

Welcome Loulou, to my surprise my partner and those around(especially family and friends) me already knew I had a problem long before I admitted it. So, in other words it was not a secret to them only to me. I remember people telling me that they knew I drank but they did not know that it was that bad until later on down the road. It became impossible for me to hide it. "An alcoholic in its cups is an unlovely creature"(Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous pg.16) This is how I eventually became when I was drinking. When I hit a bottom sufficient for me to reach out for help, I found out that it was not about my partner, family, friends,job etc..It was about me not wanting to drink, continue living like I was living and die. I was slowly drinking myself to death. If it was not for the Grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous(meetings) I do not believe I would be here talking to you today. In the meetings is where I learned about my problem and also my solution. Through sponsorship and the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous I have gain so much much more. Not only did God remove my obsession to drink, he took my life and turned it completely around. I still attend meetings because I need and want to. If meetings are not what you want to, do what works for you. This is what worked for me and many others that I have came in contact with. "We" admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable. You are not alone, the fellowship is willing and able to be of service Thanks for sharing, Keep Coming Back!

carlasober · Senior Member

Welcome trying1moretime. Keep Coming Back!

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hello both LouLou and Tryingonemore time.
There are lots of folks who try and do this without AA and a very very small few are able to stop, but there is no track record on them or how many times they relapse or what horrible fates await them because we don't really come into contact with them if they are not in contact with us, and we are in contact through AA. There are other advertised ways people try and get sober, so I guess you could do an internet search, but the AA program actually has a 70plus year track record.
I would really try and go to a meeting somewhere. Tryin1moretime, your last sentence,

It suddenly seemed like the dread I've been feeling about going to meetings... all my excuses.. I don't have time, my schedule is too full, someone might see me that would embarrass me.. they all are just part of my disease and if I buy into them I am guaranteeing that my alcoholic behaviors will just continue. I am realizing today that I cannot do it on my own--if I could I wouldn't even be here!

Is an inspiration! That is exactly correct! I really recommend both of you peruse a few chapters of this book:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Its an online version that lays out how the system works. Read a little and feel good about yourself when you read the examples of others like yourself (and me too) that have recognized their problem with alcohol and taken steps to fix the problem. I do not recomend trying sobriety on your own, but if you do and it does not work out, we are always here!
Good Luck,
Tom

Philip D · Member

I've been there..and screwed up big time.

Honesty is a priority..

And let the chips fall where they may..

It'll all work out..

All the best..

ljc · MIP Old Timer

No, I have never been able to stop drinking successfully without AA meetings.

That is not saying that AA meetings will keep me sober, cuz' they dont.

This is what keeps me sober .....

God, AA, the fellowship of AA, Me, the 12 steps, daily reading of diff types of literature, praying, meditating, and very simply put ... the desire to stay sober instead of die.

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi Loulou,

i could really relate to this Post, I had a major drinking problem and when I met my second husband, made a decision just like yours to hide it from him. I only drank wine when we were together, and we were getting to be together almost all the time. He never seemed to notice I was the one that drank most of the bottle. And then we got married, and my disease took on a "hidden" quality to it.

Well that was the beginning of the marriage, and I am going to fast forward to the end of the marriage, he and his son finally left, for the hidden aspect just could not stay hidden. It mushroomed out like an atomic bomb. and when I did finally start meetings and really trying to stay sober, I was very codependant, and he still mattered more to me that meetings. I wanted him to see me succeed, more than I just wanted to live a sober life. I think you call that having another Higher Power, and other Higher Powers, just dont work.

So what can I say, you sound determined to just go ahead with keeping it from him, just said a Prayer for you that you will put yourself first, and your own life first. If you had another illness, and if you did not know, the AMA, American Medical Association many many years ago, classified Alcoholism as a Disease, a life threatening disease. any way back to my point, if you had a slow growing illness of MS, or Cancer, would you be hiding that too.

The woman that wrote below yours talked about the Shame of the Drinking as the most Poisionous of all, and I could not agree MORE. If you had MS or Cancer, would you feel shame, I dont think so.

Coming clean with your new partner, could be a wonderful and freeing experience for you. If the love is there, this would be a wonderful time to get that support of someone you love.

I tried your way, and as i said it did not work. The shame was the main problem, I really did believe I was an amoral and shameful person, but today I know better, and when we know better, we do better.

Prayers to you Lou Lou, no matter what. My Prayer is that you will not miss out on your own Life, and that is what your Disease of Alcoholism will take from you.

Someone writes on this board all the time, Meeting Makers, make it!. What a truism if there ever was one.

Please stay with us here on MIP, and let us know how your life is going.

Hugs, Toni

Stephanie14 · Veteran Member

Try a meeting....

They teach me how to LET my life fall together instead of pushing it apart.

I am praying for you