Can you try a different meeting? Find someone there you may be more comfortable with? Or go back to the original meeting and take any one who would sponsor you because it sounds like anyone would be better than the one you have now!!! Sorry the sponsor did not work out, but you are doing the right thing by going to plan B.
Tom

Hi Deirdre,
Welcome to the board.  It's good to see the willingness on your part to get a sponsor.  Once I was willing:  I found a sponsor by going to many different meetings and watching and listening.  I looked for someone(same sex) that had something I wanted.  I then ask them to sponsor me and asked what I needed to do...

In the meantime- go to meetings- there's many in your area- and reach out to your fellow sisters and say hello and tell them that your new.  It should'nt take long before they take you under their wing and guide you through the process.  There's also many meetings where they announce if anyone is willing to be a temp sponsor please introduce themselfs.  You could speak with these women also.  Keep in mind; sponsors are temporary in the beginning and typically last as long as YOU want it to last.  Meaning; if one isn't working out... you can move onto another. 

IMO-  I would recommend any newcomer find a sponsor that has a sponsor and that's been through the steps and practices them on a daily basis.  It's o.k. to ask these questions.  I personally would be happy and encouraged if an individual ask me these questions while they did their research.  Some do.... many don't... 

I hear people at meetings (and at a recent sponsorship workshop) mention that they all want and need different things.  Based on my experience I agree with all of the above, try different meetings, read the pamphet on sponsorship (ask for it if you don't see it out), get a phone list (ask for a new one at each different meeting), pray for guidance.  You can always call others or an 24hr hotline if sponsor is not available. 

My criteria was a sponsor willing to use e-mail as a primary contact.  I have been forcing myself to use the phone.  It's hard for me to accept that I should call when I need to.  My sponsor insists that I should call some one, no matter what.  Her first, and keep calling down the list if necessary.  I haven't done it, but it is great to know that the hand of AA is out there.  My sponsor made it clear that we would regularly and actively "work" the steps.  First though, I have to  do the work and set myself up.  I hope you find the next right sponsor for you. 

The person I e-mailed had not offered to sponsor, but took it as a "sign" when I "chose" her; we are now sharing a wonderful relationship I am eternally grateful for, I know my HP was looking out for me.  She is firm, focused, gentle, loving and humorous.  I feel supported in a way that is new experience.  I cannot say enough about finding  a good sponsor.  I agree about the same sex sponsor, but I want to mention that my sponsor's first sponsor was an man in his seventies.  She was a young gay woman in her early twenties.  This was 35 years ago.  She said they had a great relationship.  Just goes to show that things can work for us in ways we don't expect.  I suggest keep asking questions if your instincts aren't clear to you.

Last Thursday we celebrated my sponsor's 35 years sober.  I found out she sponsors 10 people actively in AA and Alanon.  I would have been bothered by this if I was aware in the beginning.  Now that we have established trust I know that I am totally taken care of, and my sponsor will not do more than she is capable of.

Others that have sponsors with less time tell me that their sponsor is quick to ask for guidance from their sponsor(sponsor Grandma) if they need  help.  A sponsor can work in many ways.  Sounds to me that finding a sponsor who is very active in the program might help.  Initially I thought my sponsor was so active that she must have no life outside AA.  She says AA gave her life back and she pefers to stay active so that she is not looking into the window from the outside, but always hanging with winners.  In giving we get more than we know.  I like being around a sponsor who's knowledge of the program runs deep and true.  She is at the same time flexible and treats me individually.

Hope this helps someone.

-- Edited by angelov8 on Wednesday 25th of November 2009 04:10:21 AM

I feel blessed that my 1st sponsor chose me. Though I did go around quite a bit and say "I need a sponsor." I did go about this a bit differently than others described above, due to going to a ton of newcomer's meetings for my first year. In those meetings, newcomers share first so those with time get to know them and it is much easier to get support because it is offered to you on a platter almost (thank the lord). With that said, I see nothing wrong with raising your hand in a meeting and saying "I am a newcomer and am struggling and looking for a sponsor. I am willing and wanting to call my sponsor daily and I want to work this program." Often times they ask in meetings for people who are willing to be a sponsor or temporary sponsor to raise their hands and this helps you to at least start keeping your eye on some of your choices if not asking someone right away. Sometimes help comes to us through divine intervention, but most of the time it takes asking for it. Also, grab the phone lists (share and care list or whatever it's called) and ask for phone numbers. Although it's hard, try and call at least a couple people on it every day. There is a high likelihood that you would find a sponsor through those actions and you would still have the support while looking.

Mark