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Post Info TOPIC: Introducing myself (tl; dr, trust me)
DBZ


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Introducing myself (tl; dr, trust me)
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Hi. Been lurking this forum on and off for a few months, the support and thoughtful insight is really awesome, so thanks for everyone's efforts to help others. Today I decided to register although honestly I feel a bit embarrassed typing a long missive about...me. But the sticky said it's recommended or at least permitted and maybe people can relate. I plan to have had my last drink today in hopefully a long time, or maybe forever.

Unlike some of the horror stories I've read here, I don't have a traumatic experience per se. Wasn't fondled as a kid and drinking to forget. Have never gotten a DUI. And unlike many I never really drank much as a kid. In fact before I turned 21 I got drunk maybe a handful of times.

I often like everyone else here couldn't stop once I had that first one, but until earlier this decade I didn't do much drinking at home by myself. Around 09/11 I recall that I started enjoying a couple of cocktails every night before bed. But I'd still get up at 5AM every morning religiously to go to the gym and rarely got plastered.

Then a bad thing happened to me in 3003 when a bank foreclosed on my place and sold it at an auction even though I was in the process of selling it to a relative (I had a long paper trail and was well down the road but the mortgage company sold it anyway and claims to have no knowledge of my doing this). This totally rocked my world and hit my morale and, like so many of us do, drinking made it go away. Shortly thereafter I was at the point where every morning after the gym but before work I'd mix up a cocktail for the drive in. I also started taking a flask for use on the drive home. After a few months of going exactly one day without a pre-work drink I said this is crazy, you have to stop doing this.

So I did. for a year or two anyway and then I'd occasionally slip up to help smooth things over the morning after a long night. I'm not really sure how suspicious my employers were of this, I was asked a couple of times if there was alcohol in my drink or it suggested I may be under the influence but I denied it of course.

Then I lost a job, the first time in my life I left an employer not of  my own volition. It wasn't a great fit anyway and they did me a favor as I found a better fit but the alcohol certainly didn't help. Another blow to my ego.

I was typically really smart about drinking and driving but earlier this year had a couple of those blackout really shouldn't be on the road/shoulda got a DUI type of nights. They were a wake-up call and I'd sober up for a week or two when reality that I was slipping set in.

Also, I told a friend from the gym that I was looking to clean up. He is ten years sober and wanted to take me to an AA meeting right then and there. I couldn't that day and he rode my ass saying I wasn't serious about it, but I honestly was and went to a couple of Step meetings shortly thereafter. The first time was step 9 so I really couldn't relate too much, but I went a few weeks later to a step 1. It really affected me in a powerful way. Although...that didn't keep me from drinking.

The other thing is, my health has suffered. About 3 1/2 years ago I had a blood test done which showed my liver was in bad shape. Shortly thereafter I began my vomit phase - one day after a several day bender I started to feel increasingly queasy. Finally in the middle of the night I threw up. And did all day. Ever since then after a multi-day bender it happens, first thing in the morning I hit the sink. It's gotten to where I try not to eat after a certain time at night so there is no food in the vomit. Also, it's affected my appetite in obviously unhealthy ways - sometimes I'll go a day or two without eating or being hungry. Which, when you're concerned about throwing up I might as well not eat. By the way, these symptoms were mentioned by some of the guys at the step one meeting which is why I'm mentioning this here. Maybe some can relate.

So that's it and gosh that's a boring story that should be about 98% edited. I plan to call my friend tomorrow to ask him to be my sponsor and/or attend meetings with him, which he does daily. Regardless, we'll see how long my sobriety lasts, hopefully forever. I'm not dumb enough to look at people and relapse and say "oh, they must be weak, I'd never relapse, I'm too strong". And I will continue to read this forum and soak in the insight.

If you got this far without skipping or falling asleep...thanks.

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angelov8


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Hi DBZ,

Welcome to MIP. I was glad your message was thorough. In my opinion, you have had plenty of negative experiences related to drinking going by your description. Not all of us have to wait till the brink of death or total disaster to accept the wonderful reprive that AA offers. I speak from experience. Nope, no Dui, jail, funny farm(may have been a matter of time), wild public drunkeness(kept it pretty private at home). Because my bottom is not as seemingly desparate as some, I initially had occasional thoughts that I wasn't really AA material.

First, my preconceved and almost always erroneous ideas about AA are continually debunked. If I want to stop drinking, I can be a member of AA. That's the only requirement. I also get to work on being a better person and having an amazing life, that I feel would never be possible in the same way while drinking.

Second, before sobriety, what I accepted as normal and OK I now feel are obvious symptoms of a drinking issue, like some of the things you mentioned-drinking before a work shift, drinking to deal with physical or emotional pain and discomfort, suggestions from the doc about liver disfunction and then continuing to drink regularly, binges, constant hangovers(me).   I feel certain that I am an alcoholic. It was pretty simple. I tried to stop, yes not even one little drink. Couldn't do it on my own.   The cravings and constant thoughts of drinking in the first month of sobriety were a clear indication that yes, I was definitely alcoholic.

I am happy to say my life has changed drastically by accepting the open and welcoming arms of AA. This is the best and biggest decision I have ever made for myself. It is not easy. However, I am experiencing love and support in a way I never did before. I am now able to experience life outside AA in a deeper and more profound way.

You sound interested so I want to encourage you to remain open, let go of expectations and give AA a try. The program and literature will help you decide if you are alcoholic, and if you want what we have, what you can do specifically to get it.

Best wishes, please let us know how meeting/sponsor thing goes. I for one love details. All my posts are long even when I try to make it short. Hugs, Angela

-- Edited by angelov8 on Monday 23rd of November 2009 02:37:21 AM

-- Edited by angelov8 on Monday 23rd of November 2009 02:40:20 AM

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ljc


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Welcome DBZ,

I made it thru your post without skipping or getting bored with your share either.
Actually I could relate to a good portion of it.
Im Lori, alcoholic from Michigan and Im pleased to meet you smile.gif

It sounds as tho you have a problem with alcohol.  It is highly likely that AA can help you.  And how fortunate that you already have a friend ( from the gym ) who is familiar with AA and willing to help you.  I would highly suggest you take His lead and tag around to some meetings with him.

You mentioned you are not dumb enough to relapse .....

All the knowledge of my condition and of my alcoholism in the world could not keep me sober .   It doesn't matter how intelligent I may think I am, or what kind of car I drive, what I wear, or where I work, or anything else that will determine my sobriety or lack of it.  It is my attitude that will make the difference as to whether I live soberly or die drunk.
Attitude, is everything for me.

Keep coming back, and remember ... even if you haven't been to jail for dui, or all the other horrible tragic stories from drinking have not yet been labelled to you, if you keep drinking, they most likely will be at some point in time in your life.   Thats if you live long enough to experience them.

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carlasober


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Welcome. Keep Coming Back!

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jasperkent


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Glad you're here, DBZ.

I went to my first AA meeting over 25 years ago. I wasn't like those people. I hadn't lost a job or gotten a DUI, I wasn't a morning drinker, hadn't gone through divorce, and had spent nary a night in jail. 10 yrs later, ALL of those things had happened, so I went back. I bounced in & out of the program, getting 1 yr here, 2 yrs there, and was 3.5 yrs sober at one point. Today I am looking forward to 90 days clean&sober.

In those 25 years I've been divorced, lost several jobs, lost 2 homes, HAD to drink in the morning, gotten 4 DUIs, spent many months in jail, suffered DTs, attempted suicide, spent weeks in psych wards, substituted addictions several times(always ended up drinking + new addiction), and very nearly died more times than I can count.
That's what it took for ME to get rigorously honest. I truly hope YOU don't have to go through all of that.

 I crashed to the basement, but I could have gotten off the elevator at any floor on the way down.

Love ya.
Glad yer here.
Keep coming back.

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Serenity,

jasperkent
kj


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Welcome -- Keep coming back!

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DBZ


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Hey all, thanks for the warm welcome and great responses. They are all appreciated but jasperkent's point about hey, this hadn't happened to me for awhile but eventually all of it did resonated. When I told my friend that I hadn't had a DUI, never been in a fight or had trouble with the law related to alcohol, he simply said "not yet".

Anyway, when I went to those meetings I wasn't ready and I knew it. Was just kicking tires, hadn't had my last drink. I also remember something someone told me a few years ago when I discussed this with him (he's not an AA guy but follows another program and is several years sober). He said the reason he quit is how selfish it made him - it was all about the next drink, not about anyone else in his life or taking care of his mind, body, and spirit. Mine's become ridiculous, I'm always budgeting to be able to afford happy hour or that bottle to take home, with little consideration for anything or anyone else.

One last thought...in the middle of the night a few months ago, after another bender that led to another sleepless night while I bounced back, a theme from a kid's show I watched growing up popped into my head. It kind of freaked me out and made me realize how from a fairly simple childhood I had made my life a completely complicated mess. As have most reading this forum, presumably.

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Just Toni


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Hi There DBZ,

Not ONE word of you're reaching out your hand  for help here, was anything like dull reading my new friend, I read it twice.

So happy you now are looking at that 1st. Step, it is the only Step that has to be done to perfection if we are to go on with the other 11 steps.

Your comment about being was too smart to Relapse made me smile a little. We have a Disease that will tell us, or in this instant, tell you, "here's another excuse to keep on keeping on without the others here".  We have a Disease that is so tretcherously cunning, baffling, and Powerful, and to that I want to say to you, directly...just to you....We do this Recovery thing together....I was a classified as a Chronic Relapser for almost 10 years before "getting" it.  I don't recall thinking I was too smart, but I did have a long Laundry List of excuses, that would end up getting  me drunk, over and over, and over. 

" I did not really fit in to AA, not like most of the people" that was one of those reasons I used the swinging door of the Program.

Then one day, when I was really looking at which way to turn, did I really want to let this Disease take my life, or did I want to do what i had heard a thousand times and then some.  "Surrender to God, to the Program of AA, and at that moment when I asked God to show me a different way, that was my moment in time, when I could see that laundry list of excuses, as excuses, and I drank ONLY for one Reason, I was rather a hardcore drunk, so riddled with the disease of Alcoholism, but the Miracle did happen, and it can happen for you too my friend.

Now I had a new problem, FEAR of another Relapse, and so I would take this Fear to an AA Meeting everyday, and ask God to please help me return to the next one, 24 hours away.

Next year I will have, and have to say, Only through the GRACE of GOD, 20 years of Continuous sobriety.

I need this AA Program, more that I need anything else in my life, because of the cunning nature of the Disease, and it is not a hard pill to swollow, I love the interactions of the needs for each others that we acquire over the years, and I would be willing to bet that would be your experience too.

From the moment that I put my "intelligence"  and other personal attributes, smiling now, cause I did not have a whole bunch left at that point, my disease took all of those attributes away from me. I became something or someone I would never in my life wanted to be, a very dishonest Person, around the Disease.

So I hope you are still with me, haha.

and you ask, how is this going to help me get Sober, well go to a meeting, everyday, get a Sponsor, commit to 90 meetings in 90 days, and see what Miracles unfold for you.

I am rooting for you, along with everyone else here that shares what you seem to have, Our disease of Alcoholism, and WE will continue to not drink if we are vilgilent in this effort, each and every 24 hours that tick away.

Good to meet you.
Toni 

Ps.  Had to come back and say, WELCOME! hope so much you will continue to share where you are at, and how it is going, as in Keep coming Back,  Hugs, Toni



-- Edited by Just Toni on Monday 23rd of November 2009 11:53:49 AM

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DBZ


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Thanks also for the note.

It's the second time it's been mentioned that I may think I'm too strong to relapse, too smart, etc. Just to clarify, I meant exactly the opposite. I don't view the people who relapse - which is of course an extremely high percentage of those who try - as weak or unable to control their impulses. Quite the opposite, I believe we are all powerless to it who have the disease and if I understand step one properly, understanding that is necessary to surrendering to a HP and moving forward with the program.

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kkotz401


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Welcome to the board nice to see you here. I am sure you will find it helpful


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bikerbill


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Hello DBZ, so many similarities in your share to mine. As others have said, you can get off the downward spiral whenever you want. All it takes is the understanding that it hurts enough now, it will get worse and you can change. A tiny, tiny little bit of willingness to change and faith that you can will get you through the door. Then when the fog clears you work on yourself. Sounds like you have a jump on many as you have a gym buddy ready to help.

Go for it my man, no lurking notions, today could be and should be the start of the rest of your life.

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newcomer


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I wish you the very best, I, too, did not find your post in any way boring and I could relate to a lot of it. My alcoholism escalated quite quickly, though drinking had ceased to be fun for a long time I could always plan how to get drink but became powerless over the outcomes and ended up in very dodgy situations. I have been going to meetings for four months now, great job, don't understand all that goes on but am happy just to sit there. I have found the support and comfort of my fellow AAs invaluable and the cynicism that I wrapped my life in is starting to melt. I have learnt about the arrogance of self criticism and low self esteem, because I try to cop out of a lot of things, 'it doesn't matter, I wanted that anyway' kind of attitude. I too had failed to take care of myself as well as what I might have, sending prayers and good wishes your way, keep coming back and the best of luck with meetings, just keep an open mind.

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StPeteDean


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Hello DBZ and welcome to the board. Thanks for the well thought out and well written introductory post/thread. You've been very thorough about the mechanics and progression of your drinking history and it will pay off for you working the first step. You're lucky that you're some what of a "garden varieity" drunk, lots to compare in while working you're first step. Best advise that I can give you is to go to a meeting every day for at least 90 days. It's a small commitment for your recovery and will greatly increase your chances of staying sober. Guard against getting to well to quickly and forgetting why you came here. Your disease wants you to find reasons why you don't belong/ aren't an alcoholic so that you'll continue to drink. Hang in there and shoot for a year, one day at a time.

Dean

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DBZ


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Thanks again for all the subsequent responses.

A bizarre thing happened yesterday that had it happened a week ago when I was mid-bender probably would have freaked me out more. I'm back to working out first thing in the AM and while getting ready for the gym a little after 5AM I noticed some water on my entryway tile. Got a towel to dry it up and realized it was probably coming from what was a wet bar ten years ago since removed. Sure enough there was some water on the hardwood in the cabinet and I noticed dripping from one of the stop valves. Dried it up and went to turn the valve shut but instead a clamp came off and hot water went shooting straight up into the granite. Little did I know of this ticking time bomb all the years I've lived here.

The outcome was it took over an hour for maintenance to respond to my emergency call and turn off the hot water on the roof. In the end, the carpet and floorboards in my entire place are trashed, the unit below me lost all its carpet and had to have the ceiling drywall removed, and the unit below that had some lesser carpet and drywall damage.

Ironically, had I still been boozing and sleeping in like last week maintenance would have already been on the grounds and the damage would likely have been far less. On the other, I am glad this happened in a sober state where I could react to it as sensibly as possible and know I did my best instead of chalking it up to another of a long line of disasters in my life. At no point did I say "man I could really use a drink" or justify it as an excuse to suspend my sobriety. Not sure I believe in signs but this one would say "life hands you crises, they are better dealt with sober".

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jasperkent


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"life hands you crises, they are better dealt with sober"

That is so true. You will find yourself becoming more & more grateful for this fact as you progress in your sobriety.

Love ya.
Glad yer here.
Keep coming back.



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Serenity,

jasperkent
DBZ


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Just wanted to give an update.

I was sober for eight days, so I guess until the 1st of December or so. I slipped, having just a few drinks (aka a few too many of course). Not too tragic but we all know what happened next. I fell back into my destructive habits.

On December 18th I made a snap decision to drive to Vegas to visit some friends. It wasn't disastrous but I really drank my face off and stayed three nights. On the way my vehicle - which I'd already recently spent several hundred fixing - started acting up, check engine light was blinking and it was behaving sluggishly. I decided to stay another night so as to drive back on a Monday when garages would be open if I had an issue. This isn't super important to mention other than it added to my stresses - stresses that could be temporarily relieved by the bottle of course.

On the way back I stopped at a liquor store to get some rotgut vodka to ease my stress because I really was freaking out about the drive. It just shows you though the depths of my depravity, getting vodka to calm myself on a drive across the state with a poorly functioning vehicle. Before I mixed my vodka with Diet Coke I pulled off the side of the freeway and threw up as I was having my typical stomach problems and wanted to clean things out.

So on and off between then and yesterday I continued a bender because my father was out of town and I was out of control, and also the guy that runs our office was out of town the whole time so I could kinda sneak out for early happy hours and the like.

My numbers at work have sucked and he's heard I've been out a lot so tomorrow he is going to have a discussion with me. Already today, another person took me out to lunch and said let's talk about my drinking. I haven't been drinking with him, ever, so it must have showed in my behavior. He suggested trying out AA meetings and said he's been himself to check them out, although he still drinks socially.

As some of you might be able to relate to, it's pretty scary when your employer finds out you've been drinking on/around the job and obviously pretty shameful. I'm not really worried for my employment in the near term but who knows.

I had my last drink again last night. I came home and was fiending so decided to walk over to the store. I didn't have the back gate key handy and I was perfectly willing to jump the fence over and back just to get my fix. Totally impractical and just tells you the lengths we'll go to. Luckily someone happened alonng and let me in and out. I only had a drink or two and today have abstained while feeling miserable. Because of the wreckage to my system I haven't eaten in over 48 hours and haven't even been hungry for that matter. Also, at the moment I've never been so depressed and stressed and the drinking is a key component to that but I've had a large run of unusually stressful things happen to me in the last few months that are largely not my fault for once.

Seeing as this is long enough, I might as well give an update on the flooding situation. It took until just this week to finally get new carpet, which was luckily covered by insurance. The unit below sustained so much damage the guy had to move out for a couple of weeks while they repaired everything.

So it's time to commit to 90 for 90, and no looking back. We'll see. Thanks for reading and I hope everything sorts itself out.

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StPeteDean


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DBZ, glad to see that you're giving it another shot (no pun intended). I went back and reread your opening remarks, which to be honest I don't think that I got completely through the first time (I'm a slow reader).
What you have described are symptoms of late stage alcoholism. You've really been fortunate not to have a few DUIs, wrecked cars, jail, serious medical problems, and unemployment/homelessness. But your luck isn't going to last. Guardian angels get tired and often go looking for the more deserving lol. I urge you to get serious about your recovery. This isn't something that you can "throw a little time at", you've got to give it your all like your life depends upon it because it does. This is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. The trouble is, how do you come to grips with mental disorders when you have to depend upon the mind for daily survival? The answer is - with guidance. But with Who's guidance?

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DBZ


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Ugh, I really suck and it finally hit the fan pretty good this week. Perhaps it's the wake-up call I need.

Monday I started drinking early in the day - before work. I made up an excuse to buy some time and said I had a lunch meeting across town. I ended up drinking some more and finally made it down to the office. That night I went to my favorite watering hole and for the first time ever they insisted I get a cab, which I was amenable to.

Yesterday morning, couldn't resist the urge to take that drink and showed up in the office again a little crocked, although it wasn't as noticeable. Then one of the guys I work with told me the guy that runs our company suspected my drunkenness on Monday, and my colleague told me he noticed me being under the influence when I came in yesterday as well. He told me another friend of mine in here noticed it too but didn't want to say anything, and then last night a third friend called and said "did you drink anything before I saw you on Monday?" It's clear that the one friend put him up to asking me. Aside from employment issues it's very embarrassing.

Anyway, I asked him to go to a meeting with me today and that's what we did at lunchtime. It was a new group to me but I got my first chip (24 hours) ever and may hit a second meeting tonight - the one I've been to previously. Everyone was very nice, and it turns out that my colleague's midday disappearances are tied to the fact that he too attends meetings.

Who knows what will happen with my employment but I'm thinking of coming clean and just telling him I have a problem and to stand by me and give me a chance to recover. That could go either way, I just don't like the tense feeling in the office and he tries to avoid confrontation.

Has anyone been through something close to this with the boss? Any advice on handling? Thanks in advance if so.

EDIT: I should add that I am absolutely committed to the 90 in 90 thing, if not more than once per day.

-- Edited by DBZ on Wednesday 27th of January 2010 04:07:11 PM

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StPeteDean


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Hey DBZ, welcome back. About the boss thing. I would schedule a meeting with him before he schedules one with you. Most HR departments now have a procedure that includes giving the employee time to handle these kind of problems. They already know so you might as well bring it out and deal with it. You can do it. Noon meetings are awesome, and so are 5:30pm and 7am meetings. Make sure you indentify yourself as a beginner in the meetings and collect names and phone numbers. You've been doing a bit of isolating, and really need to make some friends in the program, get out and do some extra curricular stuff with these new found friends. Find a sponsor asap. See if your sober office friend will help you find one.


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DBZ


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StPete, thanks for the advice. I am going to meet with him shortly, when he gets out of the meeting he's in. I also consulted with the guy who attended the meeting with me and told him I want to do it. I feel like full-on confessing that I have a problem with drinking but he thinks "problem" isn't a good term to use, but to admit that I "made a mistake" and am getting help.

Also, something about this forum software - the threads that I post in sometimes get put on another page and I can't find them. This is kind of embarrassing because I am a moderator for another forum (30k+ posts, lol at me right?) and have helped them in beta testing new releases in the past. Yet this always tricks me.


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StPeteDean


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DBZ, you have to change the prefences in your "user details" to list threads that were most recently posted in and the order will change. Good luck with your meeting. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a pretty common situation and people have been able to get a handle on this and bounce back. We just need to accept that we can no longer drink safely and therefor can't drink at all. You'll have plenty of time and money to take up a cool hobby later after you've put your time in getting sober. Put a good year in, with going to meetings regularly, working the steps with a sponsor, making new friends and getting healthy. it'll go fast and can be quite enjoyable. I really enjoyed my first year and I still have my calendar from '89/'90 in my desk to look at all the events/ concerts/ and vacations that I took sober. I had a great year.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 27th of January 2010 05:46:08 PM

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DBZ


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Thanks. I can still go to some of the same places and do the same stuff without drinking, including bars. A couple of recent sabbaticals taught me that, I had no urge until I took that first fateful drink. Then you know how that goes for us...

Also, while on the bottle I am so very selfish about my time, I believe that's a fairly common trait among problem drinkers. Me, me, me, getting my next drink or neglecting simple life responsibilities.

The meeting went OK but not great. He aired out a lot of frustrations with my production, which are almost all the fault of the bottle. When I'm not drinking I'm sharper and care more. I apologized a bunch and seem to have retained my employment.

Finally, I just called my friend who coerced me into going to two meetings last summer and told him I finally stood up and said those fateful words to complete strangers today. We're going to meet up and hit a meeting tonight. I'm not sure how much work being a sponsor entails but he'd be great if he's up for it. I see a lot of posts on here where people have a hard time finding sponsors for whatever reason. It could just be they're afraid to ask or burden someone and don't know anyone well enough at the meetings to ask.

Oh yeah - thanks for the help with the forum settings too.

-- Edited by DBZ on Wednesday 27th of January 2010 06:10:36 PM

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DBZ


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I had another question that I can't find a thread on: today I told a bunch of friends and colleagues that I was an alkie (er if they didn't already know, but I have always been fairly good at concealing it, mostly with home drinking by myself, although they say that the drunk guy in the room is obvious to everyone except the drunk guy himself). My strategy here is to get the word out so I can know that they know not to see me with a drink in my hand. Put another way I guess it's a way to put pressure on myself not to slip. I don't care if people know for some reason. It is what it is.

Is this a decent strategy or is this bad for some reason I can't figure out? I suppose with step 8 I have to make amends with a lot of people anyway so this may be inevitable.

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StPeteDean


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DBZ, It worked for me. I've never been very anonymous. These days getting sober is pretty common and people accept it as a malady.  The secret is out, from your perspective anyway. About this time, I did a lot of writing. I wrote a list of priorities - "God, taking care of myself, work, family, friends...". Then I wrote a weekly schedule spread sheet with hour by hour daily tasks very rudementary like eat, sleep, work, meetings, exercise, laundry and house work, social, recreational, pay bills, time with family... It took awhile to follow it to a tee but I'd say that by 6 months I was on that schedule. And it was strange how the idea of routines, that I despised, turned out to be what I most needed. My father used to grind on that routine stuff (Navy Commander 28 years) and it was exactly my last priority. DBZ, what I heard, in your bosses comments, was concern for production more than about your drinking, which is typical. I'm not saying that means work more at the expense of your sobriety. It's all about balance and routine.



-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 28th of January 2010 11:25:09 AM

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FlyingSquirrel


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DBZ,

This is the first time I've read this thread and I have to say that when I first read your story I could tell that you were not done drinking.

It sounds like you want to depend on other people around you to keep you from relapsing.  For me, that was not the answer.  For me, the answer was to give myself completely to the program of recovery outlined in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

I noticed that you said you still go into bars sometimes.  So do I - I currently host karaoke in a bar 3 nights a week.  But I do not depend on the bartenders (who know I am a recovering alcoholic) to keep me from drinking.  Why not?  Well, for one thing, there is no guarantee that a new bartender who doesn't know me might show up there on the exact same day that my mind has mysteriously become ready to relapse.  Also, I could very easily drink out of someone else's unfinished drink at the end of the night while helping clean up.  I'm also offered drinks pretty regularly by customers in lieu of a tip, and I could easily accept and just tell them not to tell the bartender who it was for.

So you can see why I would not want to depend on other people to keep me sober, in that setting.  I think the same principle applies in other settings as well, however.  If you want to drink, you are going to drink despite any precautions you think you may have set up.  I don't go to my place of employment any time that I don't have a valid reason to be there.  Sure, I might be ok - but I am working this program as outlined in the book as closely as I can, and in the book it says the following:

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In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure.  If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever.  We have tried these methods.  These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties.  To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

You will note that we made an important qualification.  Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place?  Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?"  If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension.  Go or stay away, whichever seems best.  But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good.  Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion.  Think of what you can bring to it.  But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!

(There's more after this, it's on page 102).

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From my own experience:  I had a near-slip at the place where I work.  It could have led to the real thing, and is most definitely burned into my mind.  Long story short, I remained in the bar after I no longer had a valid reason to be there.  If you want the full story, it's here:  http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42735&p=3&topicID=28551839

So I don't mess around with that kind of thing.

Anyway, bottom line is that this program is not for people who need it, it's for people who want it.  An old-timer in one of my meetings says that his sponsor told him this was a 7-day a week, 24-hour a day commitment for the rest of his life and if he wasn't willing to commit to that, don't waste his time.  For me, I think that's the kind of commitment I need to have as well.  I need to be willing to go to any lengths, period.  If you're not there yet, you might as well go drink some more 'cause you're just not done yet.  Just my opinion, of course.  smile.gif

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