Today I am reminded of how I came, came to, and came to believe.
It was a time when I was drowning in despair, rage, sorrow, hate, terror...you know, just couldn't quite make it to my "happy place".
Then someone in the fellowship told me I hadn't a clue about the second step, because in my almost loving embrace of my poor pitiful state of being, I was really just saying that I was so much more powerful than God (HP---take your pick).
So, I arrogantly (in the guise of self-pity) believed that there was no power greater than me, or if there was he couldn't possibly help me, or want to help me...after all, he hadn't done much for me so far, right?
Thought about that for a while...as I came, and came to, and came to believe.
Today, I know that anytime I'm feeling like I'm alone with no hope, I'm just being arrogant again and have to knock it off...whatever that takes. Works every time.
thanks lee, arrogance (and lack of humiltiy, same thing right?) are an ongoing struggle for me. I don't see it as turning away from HP or denying HP's power (not now) but perhaps it does block the sunlight of the spirit from shinning on me. The end result is that I'm not unconditionally receiving or giving of Love, untill I let go of the arrogance and gain humility.
If I ever get so hopeless, thinking that Im alone in all of this , then there is something very, very wrong with me. Especially since I have been taught that Im never alone.
I didnt have a clue about what the 2nd step meant either . I do now ....
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than Ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Simple- I cannot take one drink and stop. the insanity is me thinking that I can. I rely on God to help me realize this and restore me to right thinking. the 2nd step is about staying away from the first drink. Cuz its the first drink that is gonna kill me. I am far from being insane. Yeah sure I did some pretty uhhh stupid , crazy stuff when I was drunk, but I most certainly was and still not am insane. My thinking that I could take one drink and stop was insane.
Keepin it simple , works for me !
Grateful to be sober this morning, and now Im gonna go show that gratitude by making my husband some pancakes for breakfast Practicin the principles in all my affairs ....
I was shocked to learn that my low self-esteem was a form of arrogance. Indeed it is. If my HP thinks I am worth saving, who am I to disagree?
I used to think I was only powerless over alcohol if I drank it. But after 3.5 years of sobriety, I was powerless against picking up that first drink. THAT'S the insanity.
Thanks for a great post. I think that I'd been forgetting how comprehensive that that second step was and that my worry about things going wrong, losing everything, etc so that I will get drunk again was my own arrogance, ultimately a non-belief that my HP could restore me to sanity.
Yep, when I worry, feel depressed, feel lonely, it's all about me, me, me and me having the arrogance not to believe that my HP can restore me to sanity. This thread has really come at a good time. :)
Very Fine topic. Knocked my socks off when self pity was linked to arrogance. I trusted it. I had a real fondness for self pity. It felt safe. It was familiar. I was always welcome there. When I somehow discovered self pity was connected to CONTROL, I got nervous . Real Nervous. Having a need to control so deep that I welcomed self pity was not good news. That is where arrogance smied at me with it's ugly face. Something I had read in the Blue Book early on took on new meaning. "the real alcoholic will bow to niether God or man". Desperation drove me to ask our Higher Power to learn how to trust NEW FEELING'S. Like, Hope. Trust. Love.
What great timing to this Post. Thank you so much.
I am perhaps watching how that arrogance, (self-pity) can just sneak in the back door, ever so quietly, and then sit in wait.
I have just been through some serious health issues, and so truly blessed, again that this is now in completely managed and out of the way.
Awesome Post, opening up my heart all the way, to GOD, to all, with love, and so much Gratitude that just for Today, I am sober, and will bask in just that glory, and try and see if I can give it away to another.
Yes I did Come, Come to, and Come to Believe, Thank you a thousand times for just the right words that helped you, and me, and all that participated in this message.
Toni
PS, Sort of smiling a little, cause I had to come back and take out all that personal physical stuff out, just part of the me me's that sometimes go on in threads, and just have to keep asking myself, someday you will learn, have to Prayer about that. Anyway Leeu, great post, Thank you.
-- Edited by Just Toni on Monday 23rd of November 2009 11:58:48 AM
I loved your post leeu. I hate the part of me that can be so arrogant. I ask everyday that he give me the willingness to set that aside so I might better serve.
Yup, have all of the above, Arrogance, check. Judgement, check. Self-pity, check. Fear, Huge check. Thank god the steps help make me better. Thanks for the topic.
Practicin the principles in all my affairs ....