I knew it was getting worse, but thought I could control it. I even let my sister bring me to a meeting. But last week, I drank when I woke up, then headed to work. Next thing you know, I was surrounded by police. I don't remember much, except that I got lucky. They impounded my car, and put me in a cab home. I should have been arrested. One of the responding officers was female. That helped. The fact that I was crying uncontrollably about the loss 18 months ago of my 8-month old daughter made her take pity on me. That and she noticed a friends name in my cell phone who was a friend of hers. I obviously missed work that day. And called in the next. Work is not going to put up with me much longer. I haven't been able to eat or sleep since. I haven't drinken, but my nerves are a mess. I'm terrified. My family (only a brother and sister) have been great, but I still feel so alone. Please tell me there's hope. I've never been this scared before.
welcome to the board. this is a small window opening for you to look and see what your disease is doing to you. there is a limited amount of time for you to really commit to your recovery before you "no big deal" this and continue on drinking. I recommend that you give this commitment to recovery everything that you've got and do all the suggestions that you'll hear sober people telling you, that got them sober. It takes a lot of effort, there is no magic pill, words, or wand that we can pass over to you, just our experience, strength, hope, and a promise that "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path".
I highly recommend that you google search for an AA meeting schedule/ AA office in your area. Call them and ask them to suggest beginners mettings, and speakers meetings for you to go to. Commit to going to a meeting every day for 90 days. It's a small commitment of one hour a day. Compare that to your drinking commitment. You can do it.
hi rgmarbles, welcome. Good for you for coming here. Lots of really great folks on here who can help. We've all, every single one of us, been in hell and with the help of AA, gotten out of it.
There is a solution. It's in AA and it's there for you if you want it.
Here's what I was told by a guy 30 years sober who was told this when he first got sober: just don't take that first drink and get to an AA meeting. Keep doing it.
It's that simple to start. I NEVER believed that it could be that simple, but AA works if you work it.
To answer your question dear, Yes there is Hope, Don't drink again, NO Matter what, follow everything that Dean outlined for you, and the Hope will come to Fuition. But You have to do this Work, or the Window of Opportunity will close.
The tragic loss of your liittle girl, I strongly suggest you get some Grief Couseling for this. Also wanted to say that made my own heart hurt a little too.
Add alcohol to the tragedy, only is making it worse, Alcohol is a depressant.
So Welcome, hoping you stay with us, get to a meeting, and keep coming back to this site, and tell us all about that Hope you have found.
Faith, Hope, and Charity, is that not what life is about.
You mentioned you felt lucky that you did not get arrested, my opinion, the lesson would have been made a whole lot simplier in you had been. In time you will understand that statement.
hugs to you, and Praying that you cut and Paste Dean's Advice, and follow his lead, he has, as always just the words, and 20 years of Sobriety to back it up.
Come back, please and let us know how you are doing, ok?
Toni
PS. Just to share too, that in Sobriety, I have gone through a family homicide, and the loss of a Child, who is very mentally ill, that now lives in a Prison, and will probably for the rest of his life, he was the Perputrator of this crime.
Yep what Steve said, we all know what hell feels like, and look to our Higher Power, that I personally choose to call God, to keep me Sober, one day at a time. When I walked thru that family tragedy, the best I could do was try to hold on to my own sanity, drinking was never an option. God was just holding onto me, and was with me every second of every day.
-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 14th of November 2009 12:04:13 PM
Rgmarbles, My sobriety began with a similar incident. I crashed my car and did not get a DUI for whatever reason. I consider it a blessing from God but that was my window to take action before things got worse. I was drinking in my car...had done that for years. I always said...if I get into a drunk driving accident or get a DUI, I will go to AA. Well, it happened and I went. Do not catastophize about your job. Yes, things are at a low, but this is where you reach out for help and start climbing upwards. You are not alone. We have been where you are in different, but very similar ways. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter, but you are still alive and I do believe there are solutions for you in AA, even if you have to cry and be very upset for a little while...it will pass and you can stay sober. Active drinking is hurting you and punishing you for things in the past. A new beginning does await you. We are here to help you move forward and you just need to concern yourself with going to meetings and doing the things Dean suggested. Take care and be good to yourself,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Pain, anger, fear and sorrow are Alcoholism's best friends. Alcoholism loves it when you're vulnerable, so it can beat you down, rape and then own you.
There is help. AA's fellowship and program have helped millions of alcoholics not only stop drinking, but find joyful, fulfilling lives where before there was only destruction.
We all stood at a turning point at which we finally had to admit that we were alcoholic, and lost control of our lives. We help each other, every day, to stay sober.
If you want what we have...find & go to meetings. Don't take another drink, go to meetings and work the program. I promise...we ALL promise, that a new, better life will unfold for you.
We here at MIP are very glad that you came to us. By doing so, you help us all stay sober today. Please return, post as often as you want and as freely from the heart as you can. Not a single one among us will judge you. We are all deeply flawed and try our best every day to progress towards moving away from those flaws. We are not saints. Not by a long-shot.
We accept you as an alcoholic reaching out for help from AA. As you will hopefully discover, it is our duty to welcome you with open arms.
Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Saturday 14th of November 2009 04:18:37 PM
Welcome to the board. Sometimes it takes a scary situation to realize you need to stop drinking. I know it did for me. Try going to some meetings. That might help. You might want to commit yourself to thirty days in rehab. Perhaps you could take a medical leave from work for that? I think it should qualify for that. I will keep you in my prayers.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I need to try some more meetings. There are not many of them in my area. The one that I went to, aside from a few when I was hospitalized a year ago, was hard because I had to read aloud and then also speak. I'm a pretty shy and quiet person, so it is especially hard for a first time meeting.
I also need to let go of some anger....My significant other just told me that a friend says he saw me at a liqour store with brown bag to my mouth, but he wouldn't say when, which just makes me feel spied on, b/c the only place I ever see this man is at liqour stores, so who is he to "tell" on me. Sorry I'm just angry now, but I know we can all get that way when we wish people would just leave us alone.
You're back Rgmarbles! We're glad you've returned. Shows me that you want to stop drinking.
You don't "have" to say or do anything in a meeting above and beyond "Hi. My name is RG and I choose not to drink today. I'll pass."
Now, let's talk. You don't have to say anything - you can just listen.
It's a nice day out, so sit down next to me on this big concrete planter on the street-side of a park in a medium sized-city, like Minneapolis, or Tampa. Here. I got you some coffee. Nothing fancy, but it's warm.
RG, I know you've had a hard go of it, and it seems like every time you try to get a leg up, or even just maintain; it gets worse. Jesus - you lost your baby and if you ever needed some solid parents, it was then, but they're gone, too. Your job is on thin ice and now you have this boyfriend, or whatever, riding your ass to shame you into just quitting drinking, like it was some kind of switch you could just turn off.
RG, look at me a minute. I'm sorry that everything sucks so bad right now. I really, really am. I wish that I could make it all better for you, but I can't. Not by a longshot.
Wait - don't get up yet. Hear me out.
I belong to a group of people who all have two things in common; we are all powerless over alcohol, and we all want to live better lives. None of us are perfect. Some of us are criminals, some of us are preachers, some of us are farmers, factory workers, nurses, doctors, writers, construction workers, students, secretaries, actors, homeless people, millionaires, housewives, soldiers and on and on and on. We all went through some kind of hell to get to the point where we said "enough is enough...alcohol and/or drugs have hurt me for too long and if I don't stop now - something bad is going to happen."
If you've had enough - we're here for you. You're not alone, and you don't ever have to be alone again. We're AA, and you knocked on our door for a reason. I don't even know you, and I can tell you right now that I Love You; we all do. Here's a little hint for your next meeting.
Look around. Look into every woman's eyes. One of them will be ready to help you start your journey. It may take more than one meeting at more than one place but RG, help is out there.
Well, I have to go now. Somebody else needs me. Enjoy your coffee and I hope I see you here again. My name is Rob. Feel free to message me if you want, but you should really reach out to a woman. It's kind of an old AA protocal. Anyway, have a great day.
So very happy too that you are here again, and yes that is you reaching out for help with your Drinking.
You last note, sounded so full of Alcoholism, with the bag, and the gossip, and the anger.
And wanted to add that when you find a meeting, I would really try as hard as you can to find one, and go today, and what AM said, well I think you can sit and listen and not say one word. You will be noticed, and when woman see that you are not speaking, that would be their clue, that you are too full of fear to speak, and they understand that, believe me.
I hope so much that you will make that your priority, to begin this Journey of Sobriety. All you have to do, is take your body, your desire to quit drinking....and the rest will unfold, someone will offer you an AA Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and will give it to you for free if you dont have the money to purchase it.
This will be the greatest adventure of your life, and I Pray that you will not miss out on it.
By sitting in one of the Chairs, you are proclaiming that meeting is yours now, and you can keep that membership going for as long as you want, just the sitting in the chair and listening. Let the fear melt away, and it will, but only if you sit in that chair.
Sending over a giant Hug and Prayer for you that you will somehow try to put that meeting as your top priority.......a world of love and compassion and lack of judgment is waiting for you.
Again, just so happy you came back to us. There truly is a Solution to your drinking problems. That is a Truth for all of us to you.
.