Today I was reading my reflections and came across this phrase, 'arrogant self-criticism, I thought it was great as at the moment I am fond of putting myself down in relation to a task I am on, I always thought self-criticism was modesty but mine isn't, its the I know best variety, meaning if it cant' be done, it can't be done, instead of giving it over to my hp and being shown or listening, or just letting it pass, I have also been practicing getting on my knees at night as a member shared it might be better to do that than bend my elbows drinking, my fourteen year old dog keeps licking my face which makes me laugh, no disrespect intended, she also farts, this does not make me laugh,
Dog farts. Ugh. We have a Staffordshire-Rat Terrier mix. These breeds are known as "fiests", which turns out to be an Old Anglican slang for fart. And he does.
I loved today's Reflections, too. What I got out of it was that when I'm hard on myself, as a child of God - then I am being hard on God and if God is all encompassing, all forgiving and all loving - it's unfair of me to be hard on any of God's creations as that would be the ultimate act of hubris; to condemn God. I also saw that I should extend that principle to all of God's little human babies like me.
Good topic Newcomer. I think that you'll find it's a form of perfectionism. I have that in spades. I either overdue everything (like my 6 year mountain home project) or won't start something because I'm afraid that I can't do it perfectly and someone is going to criticize it. Newcomer, I think self reliance figures into what your were talking about (self reliance is on the character defect list), in your case I think I'd call it negative self reliance, like you don't need anyone to come along and criticize as you're doing such a fine job of it already. All of this stuff is parental issues and discussed at length in the Acoa program. Both my parents were alcoholics and my Dad was never satisfied. I'll leave it at that.
The bad news is that somewhere along the line, I took over his job for him and now I'm the one that's never satisfied with what I do. Well. not exactly because I have worked hard on this issue. On the one side I've learned to lower my expectations, especially when I'm doing something for the first time. I've also learned to ask for help on these first time projects, which is growth because codependents don't think that they are allowed to ask for help for fear of being thought of as stupid. On the other side, I've ponied up and gotten better skills to actually do a damn good job most of the time, and learned how to chose functional people to help me do stuff, who in turn make me look good. . There is hope but you've got to ignore the old self talk, it'll beat you every time.
Just the other night at a meeting I said "I don't deserve to be alive," by which I meant that left to my own devices I should be dead many times over. Either I was misinterpreted or I made a Freudian slip. A couple of folks said that since God let me live, God must have a plan for me and of course I deserved to be alive.
Good points. I must be careful how I judge myself. If God thinks I'm worthy, who am I to say I'm not?
Let's see...my cat (Pepper) snores & upchucks hairballs, my rat (Lunch) just plain stinks way too soon after I change the bedding, the birds (Burd 1 and Burd 2)never shut up, the python (George) freaked out my landlord and almost got me thrown out, and when I tried to help my fish (Big Blue) with emergency surgery I killed it.
So Lee, if nature were to take it's course naturally...all you'd have left is Pepper and George, and if I recall from when I had a cat and a boa at the same time...neither will even know the other one exists.
Hmm... Instead of hijacking this thread...let's start a new one...
. There is hope but you've got to ignore the old self talk, it'll beat you every time.