So...I'm a little new...should I even be here?

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

So...I'm a little new...should I even be here?

Avril G · Senior Member

My Darling, I think you totally BELONG here, and a very big welcome to you. I don't have much internet time left right now, so can't write too much, as I am iin Malta at an AA convention, but I am sure other members will be along to give you some hope and encouragement. From what you posted, I reckon you are a fully paid up member, all dues paid, and I can promise you, if you stick with it, although you may stumble many times along the way (although that isn't mandatory) you will get all the help you want/need and from people who understand more than anyone else ever can.

My partner walked into an AA meeting in Brussels Belgium 20 years ago, and never had another drink since (up until today that is) Me? Well, I used AA meetings as a social circle, loved the people, but was deeply sorry that THEY couldn't drink because THEY were 'proper' alkies.

THAT attitude kept me bingeing for 7 years, stuck in the revolving door of AA, until finally I made a big effort and stayed dry for 6 months, after which I drank again, and that drink was the best one I ever had. It got me to my knees, although nothing really happened in the 3 days that drank, I didn't steal, didn't get arrested, didn't write off my car on anything like that, but what I DID do was finally realise that I was gonna die if I continued to drink.

Well, as I said, the convention people are circling, I think we're gonna be starting a meeting anytime soon, so good luck to you, hope you stick around. You have much to learn, and on this forum we have the finest teachers you could ever wish for.

kld47 · Senior Member

Hi

First off Welcome to the board here--do not be afraid to ask questions--there are a number of us here with lots of sober time and can help.

I am a 47 year old female with 7 years sober time. Part of your brief story sounds like me over 7 years ago. I too blamed work, friends, and just life in general about why I was drinking.

You have made the first move in getting help. Have you been to a meeting yet? You should be able to look up AA in a phone book or call a help center to see where meetings are for your area.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Welcome home ET

Yes your story sounds familiar to me. I began wishing to be sober at about 20 years old, knowing that I'd been drinking alcoholically since 15. I really didn't get serious about it till age 27, when my son was born, and couldn't apply the tools of this simple program until I completely gave myself to it at age 29. Even though I'm 49 now, I'd still like to have those 9 years back and the productivity that I lost. I'd be retired now instead of looking at at least another 10 years of working. More later, but once again, glad that you could join our happy bunch here. Stick around and help us to stay sober.

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 5th of November 2009 03:33:15 PM

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thank you all, thus far, for the quick responses. Really. I didn't think anyone would post back at all, let alone so so quickly. I appreciate all of your encouragement and kind words.

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey ET,
To get you started, browse some of this book:
http://anonpress.org/bb/
You will recognize yourself in some of these stories. Thats good news because our disease is stoppable, AND for some strange reason, the AA program also has a side benifit of fixing lots of other vices at the same time! Good Luck and ask all the questions you want!
Tom

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha ET...yes you have family in Hawaii and are not alone in any sense because
we recovering alcoholics cover this globe and reach out to others like yourself who
are questioning and need feedback in the form of our own journeys in AA.

I drank because I could; because it was there; because (I learned much later) I
was chemically tolerant and seemingly not like the "others" around me and in my
family who were drinking until the autopsy told our families they died of alcoholism.
I wasn't a drunk. In my family I was the poster boy of what a drunk wasn't and
no one in the family including myself could explain the sickly yellowish green tint
in my complexion. I got drunk on occasion and got in trouble more often. I've worn
different types of socks dressing for work and different types of shoes at the same
time. I got in trouble with the police (they are the easiest group of people to lay
blame on and get sympathy from) exwives, neighbors, friends and after doing
a couple of deep assessments found that alcohol was always present. I have been
in toxic shock (overdose) on several occasions while not feeling drunk. Hangovers
yes and that is what Bloody Mary's and asprin were created for right? And...I
married the women I drank with. Drink before, during and after work that is okay
because I never fell from a rafter of a house I was building or got a DUI while
racing anyone including the cops, or vilolated any of my fellow workers or clients
while under the influence I've been told and that didn't include my spouses who
were a different class of person while I was drinking or drunk.

I was without alcohol, as a member of the Al-Anon Family Groups, for 9 years
when I finally took an open, honest, clear minded assessment of my drinking
history. The assessment is free and you can get one on line although from
reading what you have freely and pratically disclosed here I'd say you are
qualified for at least the first 90 days of open AA meetings to decide if the
total abstinence we desire and need is for you also and you will keep coming
back.

I am always delighted for the young people (there is a world wide group of
young people in AA that my own step son and his wife were members of) even
when I consider that I was 37 years of age before I stopped and near death.
I am glad that you are looking back and considering and already have very good
information about the chemical you have build a solid relationship with.   It owns
your thinking and belief system and at the same time it is taking your emotions
away along with your body.   There is no more powerful disease on the face of
this planet that is as cunning and baffling than what we deal with and in spite
of the pain it encourages us to continue to participate.    It drove me crazy.

Should you even be here? What is it that you want? If you are looking for a
way to control your drinking we don't do that. If you're looking for the support
to eliminate it from your life journey we can help. It won't be easy because by
now even the chemical doesn't want you to stop and the process with bother
you in the least as you attempt to step away from it. Alcoholism runs itself it
doesn't need your choice beyond the first one your made...today it does the
choosing and it does not care how you feel or react as long as you just drink.

We all need newbies. You are valuable to even the old timers. We need to
watch the miracle of recovery in others so that we will desire it more and more
often.   Stick around and help us get and stay sober. When I finally got into AA
for real and for me I knew the routine; Get a sponsor, go to meetings, read the
Big Book and as much literature about alcoholism as I could possibly get (I
included college), sit down, listen, learn, practice and then pass it on to others
who ask. Most importantly get a Higher Power greater than myself or anything
I ever drank and build the strongest relationship with that Higher Power that I
could. That Higher Power is currently in use as I read your post and as I just
hang up the phone on a call about another alcoholic who has just taken his own
precious life feeling alone and helpless and hopeless. It would have been different
had he been here.   I say to my HP Please help her (ET) and its already being done.
You have your part to play in your sobriety.   We are here to support you.

(((((hugs))))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 5th of November 2009 04:55:22 PM

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Hi! My home PC crashed & burned, I'm at work now, so i don't have time to read everything AND welcome you, so I'll get to the welcome.

You are VERY welcome and please keep coming back!

Best,
Rob

carlasober · Senior Member

Welcome. Keep Coming Back!

ljc · MIP Old Timer

Only 8 shots of vodka ? That would have been 'pre-game' for me, lol.

You belong here if you decide you belong here .
Id highly suggest you obtain a big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Read at least the first 164 pages and read it not only once but several times to see if you can find yourself on any of the pages.

You sound like a fairly intelligent young lady , and seem to be aware of what the booze is doing to you. Do you think you could just stop completely on your own , or do you think you need help ?? If you need & want some help then you've most definately come to the right place. There is a group of wonderful ppl here on this site who are more than willing to share their own experience, strength and hope with you.

For the most part of our own sobriety , we must help others in order to maintain our own recovery .

AA is not the only way to stop drinking. It is however the only way I know.

Another option is for you to go to an AA meeting. check it out, listen to the members there, ask questions.

You are young. That doesn't make you any more or less of an alcoholic if you do find that you are one. Alcoholism doesnt pick and choose according to age, sex, religion or the like.

If you are one of us, you are. And there is no shame in being an alcoholic. But , there is shame in being one and knowing it and not doing anything about it.

Welcome !!

Jason J · Veteran Member

Electric,

You just described my drinking career from age 18 to 38. The good news is you have admitted to yourself what is going on, that took me about 10 years and I spent the next 10 admitting to myself I was alcoholic but nobody else.

Here's the good news that nobody told me: you can live without it and be happier. I spent those last 10 years miserable and unwilling to ask for help. I could not imagine walking into an AA meeting with "those people". It can be awkward at first but give it a chance, it has changed my life in ways I could not have imagined and those people inspire me and keep me going. I couldn't imagine not going to at least a meeting a week now.

I'm glad you found this site and hope you keep coming back.

Jason

-- Edited by Jason J on Thursday 5th of November 2009 08:54:21 PM

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Everyone....

Thank you so much for your kind words. Your messages were ones that I am happy to have read first, today, as I sit here sipping my coffee at work. You've given me many things to think about, consider, and fill my heart with. I am so thankful that you posted smile

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you <3

-- Edited by ElectricTwist on Friday 6th of November 2009 09:08:23 AM

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Electric,
Welcome. Glad you wrote. If your asking whether you should be here or not, might be a sign that yes you might belong here. Only you can decide that. The good news is: if you decide you belong what awaits you is a fellowship of woman and men that share a common problem and common solution. A fellowship where you'll feel wanted, needed and loved. A program that can remove the obession to drink alcohol and change your attitude and outlook upon life (for the better).
I would suggest going to an AA meeting with an open mind and inner honesty and see what you think... If your honest, you'll know if you belong. If so, let people there know your new and talk to a few members about alcoholism and recovery.
Please come back and let us know how you made out.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

ET, like many on here have said...you just described my drinking career... Only difference is what you are describing is where I was for several years before things actually got worse. Had I payed attention to the fact that not all my friends were drinking like me, that it wasn't normal to be drinking every night WHILE driving home, that I would sometimes drink all hours of the night during the week when I had to work the next day, that my stomach was bloated from alcohol, and that my side/stomach started hurting all time....had I realized that sooner, it would have saved me a lot of trouble. Had I realized that...I would not have had the crashed car, the totally dysfunctional 7 year relationship I had, having my lights and water turned off, having royally screwed up finances, regular black outs, and several other experiences which I also convinced myself were "normal" for a while. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful and it is the only disease that tries to convince us we don't have a disease. There is some pamphlet with 20 questions to "see" if you might be an alcoholic. I think they recommend help if you have 3 or more checked off. By the time I ever got around to seeing that or being willing to look at it, I had 17 of those things. So...life can be better without alcohol, especially when you have a full knowledge of where it is most likely going to take you. I don't want to judge you in any way, but some of the things you wrote did sound like serious harbingers for me...cuz I did all that stuff at 25. AA meetings are a great place to start... I started with what some of us call "a gift of desperation" because the bottom I hit was pretty freakin awful. The good thing is that this is not required and you can listen to all of us and spare yourself the next 10 years of where drinking is your friend some of the time, but ultimately winds up your worst enemy. At this point, I can tell you that I love AA and I feel lucky to be able to be part of it. It shapes my life and has helped me grow in directions I never anticipated. It hasn't made life totally easy...but I have not drank in over a year and things are getting better. Welcome to the board. I don't mean to frighten you with any of this. It is really just to confirm what would seem that you are already thinking and to then have you take some action.

Mark

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thank you Mike. I appreciate it - and i appreciate everyone else here as well taking the time to write to me :)

Does anyone know what the best route is to find a meeting?

I guess i'm just....a little new to this....and want to try and do it the "right" way, or a way i feel comfortable with - a way that makes me feel like i have options and encouragement and friends and if nothing else - just the thought in the back of my head, knowing that there are others i can turn to, if i need them.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Here's the AA website for your location. AA meeting list is on the left. I live in the next state up from you and have heard your area has great meetings and lots of them.

http://www.aaboston.org/

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

You're right. There ARE a lot. Thank you for looking into this for me! confuse

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi ET, it's highly recommended that you call your local AA office to inquire about meetings for a newcomer. The phones are staffed with recovering AAs like us that will help/guide you to some good meetings. You can even request that a member take you to or meet you at your first meeting so that they can introduce you to some other women, so that you won't feel alone going in. That's what I did.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Good suggestion Dean! Never thought of that......

ljc · MIP Old Timer

Yeah, good idea . Hate for you to walk into a meeting full of old timers that are grouchy , callin ya 'Kid' and stuff like that ,lol.
Find a woman to go to your first meeitng with, great idea !
Id try a beginner or newcomer meeting if they have them in your area.

Whatever ya do, just go ! Dont put it off . I realize its scarry ... but everyone has had to go thru it, so again, you're not alone.

And dont be discouraged or turned off by your first meeting either , try different ones before you make any hard & fast lifelong decisions.

Good luck, and please come back and let us know how things go.

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thank you all :) Mike B was right - there are several in the Boston/New England area. For newcomers...for young people....for women....etc. I will certainly look into this.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

several? a metro area like Boston should have hundreds of meetings a week. Check out (ask about) AA clubs. These are dedicated leased spaces with usually mutiple meeting rooms with half a dozen to a dozen meetings a day. Many are pretty upscale with juice bars, food, and a lounge area. It's a great place to make friends as many members go to the club daily for meetings and you get to know people more rapidly. This is a "Fellowship" and that is a very important dynamic to getting sober. "Together we can!"

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Glad you're here!!

Avril G · Senior Member

HEY great to see you have got some good advice here, and I hope you will tell us all how good your first real AA meeting was. Hang on in there, we are all rooting for you, all we ever want from anyone new to our fellowship is for them to find contented sobriety.

Wonderful to make your acquaintence. Stick with the winners (or win with the stickers)

moby4ever · Newbie

Hi ET, welcome. It's hard to think about not drinking at your age, huh? All your friends drink, everywhere you go socially there is drinking going on. You wonder what you will do for friends and a social life if you quit. Won't life be boring and lame? I was there. I waited years, thinking I would grow up, "settle down", and control it. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. It just got worse. The more you grow up and more responsibilities you have (i.e. career, family, bills, etc.) the more stressful life gets, and it makes you want to drink more. Every day I think about all the years I wasted and wished I committed to AA earlier in life. Don't let that happen to you! AA isn't just about "don't drink, don't drink, don't drink". It teaches you more about you, and you will be so happy. The BB says if you commit to this thing "you will be amazed before you are halfway through". I would say truer words were never spoken were it not for the fact that in the program you learn at least one thing every day that couldn't be more true. Go to a meeting and get involved. You'll love it!!!

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hi ET...welcome. AA's worked for me today. Woke up without a hangover and without the horror of what I might have done in blackout.

You've come to a good place.

Best

Steve