Sponsee stuff again

soberjulie · Veteran Member

Sponsee stuff again

cocoa · Member

I have had the experience with a couple of ladies and gents that just kind of dragged their feet. I have notice that individuals who are currently actively engaged a re-hab program find it very difficult to balance a relationship with a sponsor and the treatment center.

What I have found worked for me was if they were in a program to worked with them on the steps in line with where they are in treatment.

Des D.

MDC · Senior Member

Is he/she in AA just to satisfy a court order? I've never been a sponsor, and probally can never be one, but I would think that a sponsor needs to figure out one's motivation to be sober. I know my sponsor is frustrated with me, but I pray that he doesn't give up on me....it's easier to tell someone how to do something, try to be patient and remember how you were when you started. Again, just my input, but I have NOT been there.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Hey soberjulie - I've learned in my short time to ask the potential sponsee "Are you willing to go to any length?" I can use this later, although they can still come back with the "Yea but's". I've had several like you've described. I cannot co-sign B.S., work harder than they are on their recovery, or allow them to effect my sobriety in a negative way. When they start to rent space, it's time to do something. I used to say I was doing something about my drinking just to get people off my back and I've found a lot of this in sponsoring. "Tell my husband/boyfriend how good I'm doing", "Will you go to court and write something for me?" I get really peeved when I find out I'm doing all the work. (Which is my fault) The drama phone calls are normal, at first, for most of us. I usually suggest a meeting and that we talk afterwords. If they don't want to do that, a few times, I assume they don't want to work it. *Go to any lengths* My sponsor will also come to my aid or get on my case. Whichever I need.

Just recently I had to end, or should I say she ended the sponsor/sponsee relationship with a woman who would not take suggestion, which caused more problems and they assumed it was my job to listen to the mess they made after ignoring mine and others suggestions. It took a week for me to get "in the right place" to be able to do this like an adult. What I did was give her a choice. Recovery or the drama she seemed to crave, to start taking suggestions and stick with it or to find someone who would sponsor her the way she wanted to be sponsored. She let me go a week later.

I also started working with a woman who was in an Out Patient Therapy Program. I kept it pretty simple with her while she was in this program. But, she was going to meeting everyday she didn't have "Group". She's out now and all ours and she is really doing the best she can. She is meeting with me, calling when she supposed to, and in a meeting every day. She will have ninety days soon.

The best thing about all this is that I'm staying sober and my life is in the hands of my Creator and when I let Him manage it, it's usually pretty manageable.

Keep praying, listening and H.P. will show you what to do. Thanks for being of service!!

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

it says in the book, in working with others, to not waste your time and so deprive someone who is willing.

I've never yet fired a sponsee, but 4 out of thelat 5 have drifted away.

My sponsor, a kind, gentle, thoughtful and patient man, set out some basic groundrules for me

go to any lengths, listen to the suggestions, ring me before you drink, don't come near me if you are drinking, put the work in, get in the habit of ringing me for no reason.

ljc · MIP Old Timer

Aww Jules, I certainy feel your frustration, I can so relate.
What does your sponsor suggest to do ?

I once had a gal asking me to sponsor her to please the court system / counsellor too. It didnt work out.

I have sponsored about a dozen women in almost 5 yrs of being sober myself and it seems I dont have to 'fire' any of them, they do that to themselves.

When ever I am having difficulty in sponsoring, I usually go to my own sponsor and she usually directs me to the book , chapter 7 Working with Others. but only after we have discussed whats going on. And my sponsor always tells me to pray about it. And I see you have been doing that too, and in all reality, its the best thing we can do when working with another alcoholic.

We dont know when God is going to give another alcoholic the gift of sobriety, and we dont know when the alcoholic is going to accept it either.

You said in your post that maybe you should just do nothing, and thats probably the best answer you could give yourself. Along with not letting it bother you so much. Give the sponsee to God .....

Bob K · Senior Member

I can not count the number of people from our local rehab who have asked me for my number just because they were told they needed an sponsor. I learned early on that 95% will never call and have no desire to get and stay sober. Some will tell you that rehab is better than jail. I tell them when the have completed their tratment if they are stll serious abot a sponsor come talk to me and I wll be willing to help.Like bikerbill said if you waste your time you are depriving somone else who truly needs and wants you help and is willing to go to any length.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

soberjulie, I was doing some recovery reading and when I read this I thought of your thread. It's from the Alkiespeaks book. Hope you like.

Alkiespeaks

It seems a sponsor's job is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

- Bob E.

http://recoveryemporium.com/Quotes/DailySlogan.htm

-- Edited by Jane05 on Wednesday 4th of November 2009 07:15:11 PM

soberjulie · Veteran Member

Thankyou all.
Loved that quote Jane.......Im gonna stick it to my fridge.
My sponsor tells me, "When in doubt....do nothing except pray for diection. HE answers with, yes, no, or maybe later."
Guess Ill keep praying for direction. smile