Need help, traveling again, new at this

Pitt Panther · Member

Need help, traveling again, new at this

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

First off welcome Pitt. This board can be a help to you in some ways regarding travel. You don't have to relive bad times and bad thoughts whenever you do something that reminds you of something negative. I spent a lot of time trying to learn that a thought can pass out of you just as easily as it can come into you. I have fears of certain places...some of those fears are healthy, but aside from fear of bars and the liquor store...most are just pointless. Time to make new and happy sober memories on this trip so that your brain stops the trauma cycle. And yes...I do know it's easier said than done. I do hope you found a sponsor, that would be making things much much easier to have a sponsor to call while you are away. Take care...and welcome to the board again,

Mark

Pitt Panther · Member

Mark,

Thanks for the response, I was sort of praying for one! I made it back to the hotel room and now have a movie on. Feeling much better now.

No sponsor yet but need to get on top of that when I get home. I probably should have sorted one before I left.

You are so right about the thoughts entering and leaving, need to just laugh it all off and focus on my work. Tonight, I just kept telling myself, meetings tomorrow....meetings tomorrow.....meetings are sheer hell when you are miserably hung over, go to the room and chill. Which is what I am doing now.

Thanks again Mark, your words were very supportive and encouraging.

Best,

Pitt

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt,
Is there no one in your group that is a non drinker? No AA member that you can hang with?Is there anyone of a faith that does not conflict with your HP that you can confide in? I am guessing you may be state department or military. Is there not a chaplin you can talk to? If you are ex mil, and you are in U'stan, you have been through this before.........just look at it like another tough training program where you have to hang on through tough times. How advanced is your AA quest? What step are you on? Its times like these where you need to throw this on your HP and lean on Him. While you are working, your time is taken up. It sounds like the off duty hours you are concerned with. Find the Gym, work out and get in bed early with a good book. Go to the library, check out a couple of DVD's. Draw plans for your dream house. You know, put your time to work.
I also am assuming that you are there with compatriots that are used to your drinking and you have known these folks for awhile. They are mostly pretty hardy drinkers, and are coersing you unmercifully. I have been in your situation before and it was tough but I found (and this is only a suggestion) that complete honesty helped. I just told my buddies I was a drunk, I was going to AA, and I was trying to quit drinking because it was screwing up my life and that I needed their help when I was on the road to help keep me sober. There ended up being a core of guys that understood and paved a path for me (even though they continued partying) and deflected the idiots that would start in with "oh come on, just have one" bull$hit.
My situation was a little different than yours because I was probably in a less "pressurized" environment, and though it was certainly "pressurized" it was a situation where I might be in U'stan for a couple hours getting gas and then leaving for a hotel in Cairo or Istanbul or even Frankfurt. In other words, I would be able to get to civilization.
Do you love your job? If not, a long range plan might be to put yourself in a less pressurized job. You are probably fairly young, and you have a long peaceful life ahead of you with AA. You have a disease that can be kept in check with AA. Anything you can do to help yourself out and make the 12 steps easier will help you. Good Luck and thanks for putting yourself at risk for your country.

Tom

-- Edited by turninggrey on Tuesday 3rd of November 2009 10:19:12 AM

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt,
Did you find a meeting? Man that would be great! You can use this board as kind of an "emergency sponsor" while you are on the road. Where do you go to meetings? You may be able to get the email of your local group from this site

http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash

And get an email sponsor. Good Luck
Tom

Pitt Panther · Member

Tom,

Thanks for the support man, I really appreciate it. I am actually a US military contractor so you can imagine the amount of drinking that goes on around me. I think you are right with that approach of just being blunt with these guys. "Look, my drinking got our of control as you know and have seen first hand many many times and I needed to get my shit together so I am drinking tonic water ok??"

You are right, some of them are already behind me and "get it" admitting that they should probably do the same thing as their drinking is totally out of control also. But the majority just see it as a party pooper and as a "weakness".

As far as steps go, 1 and 2 came easily. When it comes to "God" in step 3, I have a lot of thinking to do on that one and have been told many times at the meetings I went to that it can mean what you want it to mean or what you believe it to mean but I am still digesting this. To be honest, step 4 started processing by itself before I came to grips with even going to my first AA meeting and even more so after my very first (only been to a total of 5, my first one was three weeks ago before spiraling horribly out of control right afterward which led to my following four that all took place last week in Washington DC where I live, four in a row.) The moral inventory is what has been driving me to take this decision to stop drinking so seriously. Coming back over here has essentially amplified that process of taking a moral inventory of all the wrongs as some of the most messed up and horrible things related to my drinking all happened right here in this town. I can't even begin to tell you...

Tom,

I appreciate your comment also and am really leaning on everyone that has responded to my first post thus far, you have no idea how much this has helped me tonight, we are 9 hours ahead. Everyone is downstairs getting hammered. I actually had room service bring me dinner just now and asked them to take all the beers and vodka out of the minibar as it was screaming at me to open it up and "have just two cold ones" before bed. Of course this would have led to heading downstairs to do shots with the fellas and I would probably wake up late tomorrow and miss all my meetings.

Trying to stay focused now. This board is my sponsor until I get back. I plan on checking in everyday if that's cool.

Thanks again to all of you. I am amazed at the feedback and how much it immediately helped me get through just this night alone. It's only Tuesday though and I head to Dubai on Friday, god knows what temptations await for me there!!

Pitt

Pitt Panther · Member

Tom,

Sorry to have addressed you twice in that last one, thought I was talking to two tom's. (Jet lag).

As far as meetings, I have been looking and looking and seriously doubt it. I would feel uncomfortable going to the Embassy, they are my client so that might be awkward.

Pitt Panther · Member

Tom,

Checked the links, nothing in UZ.

Simple · Senior Member

It is really funny that I haven't been on this page for a long time and then read your post. My husband lived in Uzbekistan for a number of years. He's not an alcoholic, just a normal person (freak), and he told some very interesting stories about how people drank there - he even drank there more than any other time in his life. But I really believe you can get sober under any circumstances if you want to. Don't make it any harder than it already is. Sounds like you are doing very good things, like posting here and having room service take away the alcohol!

I have never lived abroad, but I have traveled abroad sober and it is a little different. Have you contacted intergroup to find suggestions about traveling abroad and sobriety? You may be surprised where there are meetings. I was in Botswana at one point and found a meeting of just two PeaceCorps folks in a tiny village. My visit to their meeting helped them way more than it helped me. I had got a schedule from intergroup before I left for that country. But most of the time I was in tiny villages with no meetings. I made sure some of the people I was with knew I was in recovery, I needed someone to be accountable to. Meetings are very important, but so are the very simple basic cornerstones of sobriety such as reading the big book, talking to other drunks (even if it is online), and praying and meditating. I was young when I got sober and HAD to live in an alcoholic home. I would take my mother's wine bottles, open them and smell them because I was so ate up with cravings. It was crazy. But I stayed sober because I did some of those basic things. You've got lots of time to get through Step 3, and I'm so glad that you found this site! Hang in there and keep us updated!

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt,
Try emailing these guys and explain your situation.

aa-dc@starpower.net

Ill pm you my email, but I may not be as accesable as you need. The above email is for the DC area and you may be able to get assigned a temporary email sponsor through them. This board is good because there is an international base, but it is not huge so I want to make sure you have back up. Maybe some others on the board would feel comfortable PM ing you their email as well. Hang in there.
Tom

Pitt Panther · Member

This board saved me tonight, thanks again to everyone.

ljc · MIP Old Timer

If you believe in any sort of a God, Id suggest getting on your knee's next to your bed and asking for help ... it works for me.

Welcome.

soberjulie · Veteran Member

www.xa-speakers.org

You can go to that site, download and listen to AA speakers from all over the world. Since you have access to a computer, is it safe to assume you can download and/or burn them to CD?
Do you have your Big Book with you? READ IT!
This website is a great resourse for support.
Keep talking friend. Just keep talking and dont pick up.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Pitt,
Welcome, and we're pleased to be of service to you. You are keeping us sober, too. Hey man,
you can keep this thread open as long as you want and I can promise you;
I will check in on you at LEAST once a day. No sh*t, my brother. We've got your back. Let's wrap up an imaginary meeting, just for you.

We've all shared, with some surprises. The meth-head, Jimmy, from the county jail bus who usually says "I just wanna listen" actually shared and once he started he wouldn't shut up for nine minutes! Good stuff, though. The new guy, Pitt, shared about how hard it is to be in a strange environment surrounded by booze-triggers. F*ck. I hope he does okay. Ole the hog-farmer who says he blinded his own wife and son with a bad batch of 'shine shared about his daughter's wedding...and how he was told he'd be shot if he showed up. We all love Ole. Janet, the one with all the sterling silver & jade rings, just finished her thesis and if all goes well, will get her PhD in a month or so. She's come a long, long way. GravyTrain spoke of how hard his first year was. I just shut up and listened. Promised myself I'd do that at least once a week. Maybe that's why Jimmy felt able to share. God only knows, and He's not tellin'.

The meeting is wrapping up. Ole straightens his bibs and knocks some pig-sh*t off his wellingtons, finishes the last of the 12 Promises and we all gave up a little "we think not". In unison with the toothless old coot we all say "if we work for them."

The woman chairing, Janet, is kind of pretty, in a way we're not supposed to notice, because we're still newbies and females in the group are off limits. For the first year, anyway. "Any AA announcemants?", she asks. A guy in a $50 polo shirt says "hi, my name is GravyTrain, and I'm an alcoholic." Everybody cracks up a little, 'cause he's a 30-year in the program man and his name is Gary Crane, but when he or anyone else wants to be funny, they call him Gravy Train onna count of he owns the up-scale pet-food store one town over. "There's an open meeting in Clayford tonight at the Community Center, 7pm. Guest speaker is gonna be Marcus from Spring Hills."
"Thanks GravyTrain" we all say in unison.
Janet speaks again. "any non-AA related announcements?"
"Hi, my name is Pitt, and I'm an alcoholic."
The reply is loud and cheery "Hi, Pitt!"
"I just wanted to say thanks for answering the phone when I called. This has been good for me. That's all."
The whole group, from Ole and his toothless grin, to Janet and her 'see-me-in-eleven-months-and-three-weeks-Cowboy' smile all take turns looking you in the eye, and warmer than family say things like "glad you're here, Pitt.", "see ya tomorrow?", "need a ride anywhere?" and me, standing to your left, says, "it takes a lot of balls to walk through those doors your first time. Welcome."

Then Janet rises, we all form up in a circle and hold hands. It's kinda weird at first, but you're better off having me on your left than GravyTrain. His hands always smell like Eukanuba, and the smell sticks to ya. "Let's just do the short one today.", says Janet.

Lord, watch between me & Thee, while we are absent, one from the other...Amen.

And then my favorite & funniest part...fourteen people trying to say "keep coming back; it works if you work it so work it you're worth it." while pumping their hands up & down, but all that comes out is "keep coming back,worth it , work-work, you're worked it worth it..work it." as the hand-chain breaks up starting with the most introverted person and ending with the two people who can say the whole darn chant word-for-word.

You got brass ones, Friend. You're not alone. I'll bet that if you look back into your past far enough, you'll find that once upon a time, you were someone strong enough to get through these next three weeks. Hell, you made it through basic training once, didn't you?

Best To Ya,
Rob

-- Edited by Aquaman on Wednesday 4th of November 2009 12:53:02 AM

-- Edited by Aquaman on Wednesday 4th of November 2009 12:56:01 AM

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

I've read this whole thread and can hardly see the keyboard cus my eyes are leaking. well pitt, you got some support here.

I travel too, throughout the UK, I take the minibar back down to the hotel manager. I take a coffee pot and a tea pot with me everywhere I go.

I drink coffee and tea and fruit teas. I bet you can get turkish style mint tea there.

If there isn't a meeting or I can't get to a meeting for some reason I make a point of communicating with a brother alcoholic - I do that every day anyway.

listen, i'm 5 hours ahead of America, i'll be here until around noon UK time, that'll be 4 or 5 pm your time. I'll PM you with my e mail and phone numbers. My phone is always on.

Come back here everyday. Take your courage in both hands and put your heart on a plate and you'll get through this. Don't you worry about the God bit, the higher power. There has been a power greater than you in your life, it came in a bottle. But there was another ne that has kept you from harm, what ever that is, that's the one which will help you do what you can't do yourself.

For the time being, put your trust in a Group Of Drunks, who have Good Orderly Discipline in the fellowship of AA

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello Pitt, and welcome to the board. I got sober in DC (Falls Church/Arlington). I highly recommend the Unity Club in Falls Church, for meetings and fellowship when you return. After reading you posts it appears that you're being very hard on yourself and kinda jumping ahead on the steps. You really need to just concentrate on the first 3 steps and Step one in particular. Forget about step 4 until you get a sponsor and a couple months under your belt. As far those things in your past, just use them to work the first step, as in "when I drink, this happens" and keep it generic. Going into exact details, such as in step 4, now is going to make you very uncomfortable and make you want to drink more. Take consolation in the fact that many of us have done whatever it is that you think is so horrible (about your past) and other things that you've never thought of

. Enzo Ferrari was once asked why the mirrors on his sports cars were so small. He said "What's passed is past, what's important is what's ahead". Try and keep your rear view mirror small for now. There will be plenty of time to reflect on the past when your perspective is in an appropriate place, and you have a sponsor to guide through that mine field called your drinking past.

The recurring themes in the program are "one day at a time", "easy does it", and "keep it simple". "one day at a time" helps us focus on Today only. So when you start thinking about the past or projecting about the future ask your brain what does that have to do with Today? With that mind set, the rest is irrelevant, kinda like the joke "Free Beer Tomorrow" and tomorrow never comes, pardon the pun. Heck, I might have a beer tomorrow, but I'm not going to have one today. With that said, we just focus on staying sober today and use the tools that we learn from others and the program. This is not a religious program, it's a spiritual one and I do recommend that you pray daily (to the higher power of your understanding), for the obsession to drink be removed, and to stay sober Today. Even if it feels disingenuous at first, keep doing it, it will work, and you will begin to feel a connection. We say "fake until you make it". I sensed that you have the to greatest gifts for being ready for this program, which are willingness and desperation. Use them wisely to work for your sobriety.

Oh, and saying the serenitiy prayer, when you feel the walls closing in, will get through another day sober.

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 4th of November 2009 09:40:01 AM

Pitt Panther · Member

Well, another day down in Tashkent. Today was MUCH better that yesterday and have settled down quite a bit. I just returned from dinner with a large group of people clients, colleagues and friends. All but two were downing shots and pounding beers, I sat there sipping on chai and smoking my cig's and felt totally at peace, it didn't even phase me. Why? How? This board is how! You guys are amazing! When I wrote my first post I had no idea I was going to get this kind of supportive feedback, encouragement and advice!

Rob,

"You got brass ones, Friend. You're not alone. I'll bet that if you look back into your past far enough, you'll find that once upon a time, you were someone strong enough to get through these next three weeks."

I can't tell you how hard that hit me Rob, it gave me goose bumps and brought me back to times in my life where I was ME, who I really am as a person. Not this angry, boozy, constantly either drunk or hungover asshole that I became over the last 15 years. I can't believe I just said that, 15 YEARS??!! Jesus, I am 34 and can say something like the last 15 years of my life have been a drunken haze with mere brief stints of sobriety here and there. That's like 15 years of wasted time, for what? Wreckage, debris, and hundreds of lost friends and burned bridges!

Dean,

I agree dwelling on that past may not be healthy long term, but for some reason its totally motivating me to stay sober on this trip. On the taxi ride back to the hotel I counted all the clubs and bars along the way that I had either been kicked out of, made a complete ass out of myself in, pissed off friends, lost clients and business in etc. etc. and it just made me want to get back to this board and talk about it instead of stopping in to the one quiet place I used to go to just to put them back and drink to forget.

When I get back I will definitely get back on track and work the steps, but for right now, for some reason, my past is scaring me into the hotel room. For some reason, I am starting to take comfort in acknowledging my past and knowing that, at least for now and at least for tonight, I am not going to do those things.

BB,

Thanks for your support also, I will check my inbox and might be in touch.

To all, I want to thank you again. Right now this is day to day for me. Tomorrow could be much worse.

I will keep posting, but all in all, today was a good day. Tomorrow may suck.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

That's cool Pitt, whatever works is good. Well at least you have some company there. "I just returned from dinner with a large group of people clients, colleagues and friends. All but Two were downing shots and pounding beers." It may be that some of those others were actually drinking moderately. We tend to see what we want to see. I know that my perception, when I was first getting sober, was that most people drank, and drank to have fun, when in reality, there are many people that don't drink and many more that drink occasionally and responsibly. That might not be the norm in your current circumstance but try and set your brain (the almighty evaluator lol) straight on the "others" and count yourself amongst them with acceptance and gratitude. I worked overseas on a couple occasions as a construction management contractor, in early sobriety. Our project manager/owner was taking the staff out every night for kareoke and drinks. He was Korean, and actually was kind of offended that I didn't partisipate. Oh sure I went with them a couple times, drank iced tea, and left early before they got obnoxious. I did notice, though, that there were several "others" that were hanging out to be social, who were not getting drunk. I could tell that they wished that they were leaving when I did, but were sticking around to not be contrary. I had to do what I needed to do to stay sober, and that meant not exposing my self (putting myself in harms way) with regards to my sobriety. Sobriety needs to be nurtured, taken care of, and guarded, like a child. Hang in there, it gets easier the longer that you stay sober. I sent you a pm with contact info.

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 4th of November 2009 11:00:33 AM

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Hi,
My name's Rob, and I'm an alcoholic.
I got a lot out of today's Reflections reading.

Daily Reflections
A DAILY DISCIPLINE

", . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and
interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98

The last three Steps of the program invoke God's loving discipline upon my willful nature.
If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along
with an acknowledgment of those aspects that didn't please me so much, I gain a personal
history of myself, one that is essential to my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful
meditation to be relieved of those continuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation
and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day
gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help
me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know
there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep
me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day brings - without the thought of a
drink."

The part about a daily inventory being part of my prayer and meditation regimen really stuck, just like yesterday's reading. My recent relapse showed me that I'm not working my basics hard enough. I need to keep that "God Channel" open no matter what, especially when I start to feel distanced from It. There's a lot of us here today, so I'll just say I'm happy to be here, and grateful for another sober day in the Grace Of my Higher Power and I'm gonna pass to.....

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Perfect Pitt,
One day at a time.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Thinking about all that stuff regarding the bars and the lost clients etc...is not so bad as long as you do like you said you are doing. You are having it add to your motivation and your knowledge of what happens when you drink. This is really not step 4 stuff...it IS step 1. When you drink, your life becomes unmanageable and you are just stocking up on all the evidence that proves this to be the case. Don't beat yourself up over it, but it does make for a strong step 1. You really do know how much alcohol screws your life up. Furthermore, you are reaching out to us, finding help and doing all you can right now to stay sober. In other words, you are using a higher power to remove insane drinking behavior (the start of step 2). Getting in the practice of praying to whatever form of God you believe in will certainly help also. Those steps will gain more meaning and perspective over time. As far as "easy does it," I was told early on that when I lay my head down or get through the day and am about to go to bed, I can go to bed a winner cuz I just kicked alcohol's ass that day. This did put things in perspective for me and made me see that just not drinking each day was a MAJOR accomplishment and something to feel good about every day. This as opposed to worrying about the future...how I screwed things up...how I would rebuild...my character defects...At 13 months, I can say a lot of those things worked out and the mental torture I put myself through was not worth it. Again, Don't drink no matter what and keep sharing! Of course praying does help as I said before...I don't typically stress it enough because when I came into AA, my self-esteem was so dirt low, I had to use tools like I mentioned above to just feel good about myself, what I was doing, and the path I was on. The higher power was the rooms and the people and then I sensed how God lifted me up from there once my mind cleared up some. Keep being strong!

Mark

jasperkent · Senior Member

You can't think your way into acting sober, but you can act your way into thinking sober.

Thanks for being here.

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Yo Pitt,
You still there?

Pitt Panther · Member

I AM HERE! No worries all, another day down in the most alcoholic Islamic city in the world! I feel like I have gotten past that barrier and am in cruise control right now. Tonight was actually really entertaining for me because a two people at dinner and drinks after were getting really out of control and making total asses out of themselves and I found myself just sort of observing with interest. I also started noticing other people in the bar observing with interest and amusement.

I don't know if this is some natural stage you go through when you commit to give up the bottle but I feel like I never want to touch the stuff again, like its poison and I am totally afraid of what it might do to me. I came really really close to ordering a beer tonight though, I will admit that but what happened was I just realized how miserably guilty and defeated I would have felt afterward, even if it WAS just one. (of course it wouldn't have been just one!). But still, I kept reminding myself of how people would have just kept saying, aahh, there goes Pitt, we knew he couldn't do it. Welcome back Pitt!!

Anyway, I am back in the room and feeling fine. Still lots of paranoia running through my veins maybe a mixture of my past continuing to haunt me and the stress of business here but I can handle it. I feel like I am looking at everything from the different side of the fence for the first time in my life, everything literally looks different to me. People, walls, traffic... I look at physical things like that totally differently now, maybe I'm nuts, can't explain it. My conversations with people are totally changing too, asking more questions about them, inquiring about more things in general. Normally I would just be resigned and pissed off and give people the occasional glare like "what the fuc% are you looking at? stares...

I don't know....This is all very new and exciting to be totally honest. I feel like I never want to touch that filthy shit ever again. I have to admit I am smoking more than I have ever before in my life. I used to smoke only when I drank but now it sort of takes the edge off which I think means my body is still not used to not drinking on a regular basis but my whole view on things are totally changing in physical ways, I seriously can't explain it. Totally weird, never been in this place before.

I am almost getting cocky which leads me to believe I better humble my ass down really fast before I start to think I can handle just one or two here and there. I need to sleep and wake up and write again on this board.

You guys are all amazing, ALL of you. I can't thank you enough! I want to meet all of you and thank you in person. I thought of this board a lot today whenever I had bad thoughts, would just think back to this board and be like I don't know these people directly but they know what I am going through and if they were here right now they would help me out with whatever I needed to talk about or ask questions about.

I love you all.

Thank you sooo much. I will make a point of checking in every night for updates. Please don't be offended if I don't respond to you personally I just have millions of emails to work on and not enough time in the day so I post on the board instead. I will be calling some of you shortly in the next few days when I have some down time this weekend to personally thank you over the phone. I WILL DO THAT! So don't be surprised if some number starting with +998 shows up on your phone!

Night all, and thanks again.

You guys are awesome!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt, you're doing a lot of the right stuff, thinking that first drink through and where it will take you. The reality is, that if we are alcoholic, then we just can't drink safely. We can't predict what will happen, what we might do, and what might happen to us in that variably altered state. It's a crap shoot at best or more like russian roulette. Just keep in mind that there is life beyond booze and it's very good to unbelievably good. There's a very good chance of meeting up in DC as i go there several times a year. I'm a Redskins season ticket holder and not a very proud one this year though. But I do get up there for a couple games a year and to see my Mom and Brother (Alexandria and Fairfax respectively).

btw, here's one of many sites where you can listen to AA speakers tell there story.

http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=category&id=1

one that I like very much is Bob Earl. He has an amazing story of growing up in East LA in the 50's, got sober in the early 60's after a pretty tuff street life, run ins with the law etc... He was an 8th grade dropout, functionally illiterate, and after getting sober wound up writting TV screen plays for "Iron sides" (writing about we knew best, Crime!) and later becoming the Senior Editor for One of the larger Hollywood studios (MGM I think)

http://www.healtalk.com/dl/mp3/bob-earl-la/bob-earl-la-1.mp3

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 5th of November 2009 03:56:40 PM

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt,
I found that I had to leave parties once I quit drinking because the things I found funny while drunk, were not funny sober. Eventually, I quit hanging with my drunken crowd and found a sober crowd to be with or just staid at home more.
Tom

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Pitt Panther wrote:

I feel like I never want to touch the stuff again, like its poison and I am totally afraid of what it might do to me.

Yep, it's not just like poison - it really is poison!

Freinds in the fellowship told me to remember that behind all the fancy labels and pretty bottles there is another label with a skull and crossbones and the word poison on it.

Poison kills people. You wouldn't drink Draino would you? Alcohol, to us, is just the same.

I've just got back from Newcastle upon Tyne- not quite as distant as Tashkent - the team went out for a meal, the deal was meet in teh hotel bar at 7:30, have a drink, go to eat,go back t bar, have a few drinks.

So i aranged to meet at the restaurant, had my meal, did the business, glad handed the client, went back to the hotel with the client and the team and I went to my room. The client said he was going to be offended if I didn't have a drink with him. Well that's his problem,I told him I was too tired and had some work to do,he pushed it and I said I don't drink alcohol, he pushed some more and said again he would be offended if I ddn't at least come for a soft drink.

Well I sppose he was offended for a few minutes but he was OK this morning, and so was I. My sobriety comes first!

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Wow, He actually said he would be offended if you did not have a drink with him? I would have asked him if he was asking for a date. Anyhow good on you Bill. Hang in there Pitt.

Pitt Panther · Member

BB,

What an a-hole. Was he Korean by any chance or Japanese? Sounds like something an Uzbek would say.

Glad you handled it the way you did. It's all about the next morning anyway. I keep telling myself that, its all about the next day, the next morning. How you feel when you rise out of bed in the morning, how effective can I be in my meetings throughout the day without a hangover as opposed to WITH a hangover. I can't tell you how many times I used to call in sick to work because of hangovers in the early days and in the more recent times, cancelled meetings because of family emergencies and the like. What horse shit, everyone used to see right through it. Pathetic.

Not anymore, at least for now, I still have a long way to go. Just signed a deal this morning which was a huge accomplishment for our company, everyone wanted to have a drink to celebrate, I just said its 11am for christ's sake lets celebrate over some tea!! Everyone agreed!

Cheers (with chai)

Pitt

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

I often come across people who say they will be offended if I don't take a drink with them - it's very common for people to say that in teh UK - but they don't really mean it, it's just a saying. My Dad often used to say that as did many of my uncles. It's just a silly saying - I think it stems from a misguided sense of what hospitality and manners is really about. In much the same way as when two people get in each others way over here there follows a round of I'm Sorry, no no, I'm sorry, no really it's my fault, etc. etc.
it can get like a pythonesque sketch at times. it can be hilarious to watch two polite people trying to out apologise each other. Is this the only country where a victim would apologise to their agressor?

Anyway - the sh!ts hit the fan at work and if I am going to have an easy weekend, I will work late today - it makes up for all the easy days I've had - but just needed to check in with my brother alkies here.

soberjulie · Veteran Member

Hmmmmm, gonna haffta go download Bob Earl now.
So far my favorite is Sonny. C........listened to him 3 times in one day and cried every time. Amazing story....he was convicted of murdering 3 people, spent 25 years in prison, 3 on death row. Got out, got sober and had an amazing spiritual experience. Ahhh, gives me goosebumps. smile

Pitt Panther · Member

10am in Tashkent. Still sober. Woke up really pissed off today for some reason. I don't know why, just pissed off at the world, pissed off at myself. Fed up with everything.

I don't have an urge to drink but it's the past again, coming back to haunt me coupled with business here. People don't understand what I am going through here, nobody I can talk to here. I feel like I am some kind of freak now that I "can't" drink, like something is wrong with me.

Of course it was a Friday night last night and everyone went out to carouse, I woke up at 730 and have been bouncing off the walls, thoughts aren't clear, I am just pissed off.

Want to yell at someone. I think I am going to go for a really long long walk today through the city and check out some of the bazarres and take some pictures. Been here on and off since 2002 and never did any of that tourist stuff, was either too hung over or busy with work or just totally wasted.

Anyway, its been a difficult morning and I am pissed off. Angry at myself and everyone around me. This new course of sobriety is not all fun and games after all like it was the other night when I wrote about enjoying watching other people make asses out of themselves, now I just hate them.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt -- first things first: good for you for staying off of the juice last night and waking up at 0730. Waking up without a hangover is a great experience, isn't it? Sure, you were pissed off, but if your drinking career was anything like mine, you didn't have to go through the drinking away from home morning after experience of : 1) where am I; 2) am I with some local woman (attractive or otherwise) that I don't know and have just taken on a world of their shit (such as, is her boyfriend a thug who is going to kill me -- I mean this literally)? 3) oh shit, where are my wallet and valuables?; 4) OMG what did I do last night: did I get into a fight, can I show my face around this town anymore; 5) how much money do I have left; 6) how did I ever get back; 7) am I still drunk. Personally, I'd take being pissed off. ;)

My suggestion and (selfish) request: to check out those bazaars, tourists sights, etc. those things that alkies CANNOT do. Take some pics and post them on here. I personally love travel -- doing that will help YOU to help this this alkie (me) get something new out of life today.

Thanks for being here man.

Steve

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt, thanks for checking in, I was just wondering how you were doing. You're going to have some ups and down's in the first 30 days while your brain and body chemistry reach an equalibrium. The good news is that it just a phase that will end. This is an extension of withdrawal as your body is used to the ups and downs of drinking/recovering from drinking/not drinking day in and day out. Give it time to adjust, it's part of the process. Sort of like a roller coaster ride, try to ignore the highs and lows and cling to the "everything is OK today" not fantastic and not ****ty. When were drinking, we live in an "all or nothing" world (a form of perfectionism) where everything is super or it sucks @$$. The opposite of that is to learn to live and like some mediocrity, embrace boredom as being "ok". Getting out and doing recreactional stuff is where it's at. Doing new stuff with your new found sobriety will force you to live in the "now" instead of up in your head about the past. All the past can do is make you want to drink. We have a saying - "when an alcoholic is up in his head, he's in a bad neighborhood". Stay busy, have fun, post pics.

Take a little time each day and start reading the Big Book. It'll explain what you're going through right now. You can read it here free. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 7th of November 2009 05:53:01 AM

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for checking in, Pitt!

Friggin' rollercoaster! I'm finding in my sobriety's infancy that as long as I hang on to my AA & my HP...the rollercoaster eventually comes back to a stop.

Peace, Friend -
Rob

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt, where you gone? Not heard from you for a few days.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

bikerbill wrote:

Hey Pitt, where you gone? Not heard from you for a few days.

ditto, you didn't get well on us did you wink

Pitt Panther · Member

I fell, I fell hard. Dubai got the better of me. I am going dark now. You won't hear from me again until I hit another meeting when I get back. This place is an impossible place for someone like me. I am sorry I let you all down.

I let myself down, I let my family down and I let all of you down!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Pitt,
you didn't let anyone down, you just did what people with an alcohol problem do, drink. It's unnatural to not drink, that's why it's difficult. I would say that a good percentage of us had to make several attempts before we "got it". It's not how many times we fall as long as the number of times we get up = +1. Don't give up on us and we won't give up on you.

Dean

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

You didn't let anyone down. Maybe you aren't ready. Maybe this is your last drunk. Maybe this time it'll hurt enough. Keep coming back.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Pitt...I was too scared to go on any trip at all for the first 7 months of my sobriety. At 7 months is when I had to go away for work. I was going bonkers until I found a meeting. So...you didn't let anyone down, it's just that you need to work on building a solid foundation in AA so that you can take it anywhere you go. When you are home, find a sponsor, go to as many meetings as you can, get literature...that way you will be more connected and in a better spot mentally when you have to travel again. It is all okay...I highly doubt I would have stayed sober trying to travel out of the country in my first month of sobriety. Like I said, work on the foundation at home and find tools to take with you... Tools like this site...but more.

Mark