Day 1...again.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Day 1...again.

Toad · Senior Member

Greetings Rob,
Are we having fun yet ?????

Toad

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Rob,
Thank you for sharing. I've been there... We drink because we're alcoholics. Resentments are the luxury of normal people- alcoholics drink over them. Your doing the right thing by getting back in the saddle and moving forward. Good to see you didn't cause any wreckage and caught it sooner rather than later. Everyone's journey is different and we all need to personally experience it to make it recovery effective.
On the wife thing- that baffles me. I've been going through a lot with my wife over the past couple years too. It appears they're comfortable when we're miserable? WTF? Is it because that's what they're used to?? Maybe they're miserable and glad someone else is? Comfort in numbers? Do they feel superior and us inferior?

-- Edited by Mike B. on Monday 2nd of November 2009 09:55:58 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Well Rob, do your best to learn from this and like they also say...let it be a kick upstairs rather than downstairs. Step 1...this has been some topic of debate on the board here but most seem to agree that it does include acknowledging powerlessness over people, places, and things... That includes places that sell alcohol (at times), the wife, coworkers...blah blah. Don't over analyze what you did wrong in the program...you drank and that's it. Just work harder. You weren't necessarily working the program wrong...you just were not working it in the instant that you drank and the events leading up to it. The months you put together sober were no coincidence...that was the program working so do not lose faith. I admire you getting back on track right away, as many people would take this to the extreme and wind up in rehab all over again. Also, the loving father type of god has not fully sank in with me either...You can wish to believe and fake to make it and those work to an extent, but time spent sober and working your way through life's problems and finding out that you are going to be okay without drinking is what gave me more faith and helped me to understand what I consider my HP today. It isn't as strong as others who have been in the program longer (in many cases..I do know some atheists with lots of sobriety time so..)...it takes time and that is okay. Stay strong! Prayers are with you. You are a great person and have much to give and share on this board and I am sure, in life in general. You are very much worthy of sobriety and I know you are still determined and will have it a day at a time.

Mark

-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 2nd of November 2009 10:11:19 AM

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Rob,
Very few of us are able to just stop. The Demon is always lurking for a weak spot--a chink in the armor. Many things happen with relationships when drinking is removed. It could be anything with your wife. She can feel jealous of your new participation in AA that she can not feel a part of. Who knows? Talk to her. I slipped after 20+ years, and because of what AA taught me, I got back on the wagon. You can too and I know you will.
The sober countdown thing has always been a two edged sword for me. It is almost like counting the months and days years and weeks puts a lot of pressure on us. We do this one day at a time. You are a smart guy and a quick study. Learn from this situation for the next situation! The next time you have this scenario where you cut off your HP, stop yourself and remind yourself of this situation. Let us know how the meeting went! You will be fine!!
Tom

ljc · MIP Old Timer

Hey, glad you made it back. There are Some who dont .. they either stay out there drinking, or they die.

Day 1 = Step 1, cuz obviously you forgot you were powerless over alcohol.

Uhhh the f'd up thing isn't about your wife and her reaction or lack of reaction.
Id highly suggest you stop paying so much attention to what she is or isn't doing and keep the focus on you and staying away from the first drink.

Remember ... a relapse ( and I really dislike that fancy word, I prefer drunk ) doesnt start with a drink, it ends with one. And your drunk was planned.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

welcome back, time to start again. Now you have more knowledge.

carlasober · Senior Member

There is still hope. Keep Coming Back!

Dodsworth · Senior Member

thanks aqua, I have a week today and the thought of drinking has been on my mind since last night (got paid). Thanks for the reminder of what I will wake up to if I act on my obsession. As for the wife, well I've no experience with that kind of relationship or situation but I have many people in my life that would rather see me drinking because it elevates their perception of themselves (not saying that is the case with your wife). Hope your meeting went well.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

I'm just really, really happy that you're back here today, back in the saddle. You've got the rigorous honesty part right, good for you. There have been times in my recovery when I went out for a week (didn't get plastered, but did drink) or so, and it too me a loooooong time to admit it anyone. And then I had two bottles of beer back in the summer when I went out with friends: the cause: I forgot that I was powerless over alcohol. That meant that I, me, like all of us alcoholics mentally could not say "no thanks" when my friend said "beer Steve?" "Sure, thanks." "Another" "Cheers."

That, in retrospect, was the best moment in my recovery: I realised that I, Steve, had absolutely no power to say no. I, Steve, just did not come with the equipment to say no to a drink. Those two beers saved me from going to the pub today: but for them, I think that I would have, b/c I would have told myself "Well, you only had two that night, tonight will be the same."

It's not just me. I was at a meeting last night and the chair said that she had a slip after 12 year in. The cause? She stopped working her program.

So, today, and just today, I've handed it over to my higher power, who is restoring me to sanity viz that first drink. That's helped me to be here with you and all my other AA friends tonite.

I might not hand it over to my higher power tomorrow - and if I don't, well, I now KNOW that I will drop into that pub for just one quick pint of Stella. Bye-bye marathons...heck, bye bye life.

I'm wondering if you've had my two beer moment or something similar?

We drink b/c WE have no mental defence against that first drink. Our defence must come from a higher power. Me having gone through what you did has made be believe that.

I'm thinking of you right now, good thoughts, Rob.

Keep coming back, buddy! :)

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Thanks, ya'll!

It was painful scratching my name off from the "July" anniversary page in our home group and flipping all the way up to "November", but the meeting was perfect, as they all are. I respectfully suggested to my wife that we should to either go to couples counseling, or she should to go to Al-Anon. I'm not the only alcoholic who has hurt her, but I'm the only one paying for it and I'm the only one in honest recovery.

Oh yeah, and I bought a 12x12 today.

Rob

jasperkent · Senior Member

Rob, welcome to the club. I relapsed many times over the past twenty years. I don't know much about staying sober, but I'm an expert on what NOT to do. Feel free to e-mail me if you wish. At least you made it back quickly. I very nearly didn't make it back at all! Good for you getting a 12X12.

In case you didn't see what I wrote in your Crappy Halloween thread, this is part of it:

"It has been my experience that when an alcoholic spouse gets sober, the relationship changes dramatically. Previously, everyone's attention was focused on the alcoholic's drinking and its consequences. Remove the alcohol. Now other problems fill the vacuum, some that were never before acknowledged. If the nonalcoholic spouse enjoyed the codependent role, there will be huge problems. I had two relationships end because of this. In both cases, I got sober and suddenly they didn't like me as much nor did I like them as much. Ironically, I got drunk over both break-ups!
Rob, I am NOT suggesting that this will happen to you. I AM saying that things do not suddenly get better in every way just because you are in recovery. Your relationship will grow...and growth is usually painful.
I pray that your wife will give Alanon a try."

I'm still praying for both of you.

Keep coming back.

newcomer · Senior Member

Well done Rob for getting back on track, I am not long sober, but I found this post to be the post helpful yet to me, as I, too, as the big book says, cannot afford the grouchy attitude or the brainstorm, my resentments get me right where the drink is, and every day it can be a battle, also I am getting a bit of disapproval from my family, not for being an alcoholic but for finally dealing with it, there is no mention of literature when it is seen around but no support either but I am not staying sober for them, I did not get drunk for them either. Thanks for your post, it has helped me.

Dave Harm · Senior Member

Rob,

For me, I know I couldn't have had any chance at long term sobriety without having my slip. I needed it to remove any doubts. I never had a problem admitting I was an alcoholic... but boy I battled accepting it.

The happiest day in my last marriage was when I began drinking again. The ex-wife was so happy. No matter how dysfunctional our marriage was - she knew the rules when I was drunk. She didn't have a clue on how to live with me sober.

I do hope your wife goes to Alanon... mine would never give it a try. It was all my problem... probably why she's my ex...

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Good Morning Rob,

have not been here for a week, but I felt a need to put my two cents in here.

The only reply that rang really clear to me was ljc's.

This program is based on rigorous honesty so here goes.....you reminded me of how I did the Program for almost 10 years, had a husband and a step son living with us, and when push came to shove, (just so to speak), they would be the United front against me, instead of the other way around, the parents are suppose to form and hold firm a United Front, right.

Now this was a time when over and over and over I was trying my damnest to gain some sobriety, then when I would feel that they had once again sort of "ganged up on me, in some little agrument, or whatever, I would feel hurt and inside So Friggen angry, instead of getting in car and just leaving for the day or evening, I would take my anger to the Liquor store, bring it home and get very drunk, in retrospect now it feels like what I was doing was getting angry at others and smacking myself in the face, with the Alcohol.

Then one awesome moment in my own desire to Live and not die from this disease, I could see (visualize this long, I called it my laundry list of Reasons I drank). And the lightbulb went on and very brightly so, I threw out my Laundry List of Reasons, and finally, and only through the Grace of God, did I finally GET that the reason I drank all those "incomphensible demoralizing" years in attempting to get sober, was I just was not getting the point at all.

Finally, almost over my own dead body did I see that I had a Disease that was going to take my life.

My own husband, just like your wife, did not like Alanon, and did go, but then stopped, but that was NOT why I ended up leaving him, we were in Seattle, and I was a native San Franciscian, and just wanted to go back to where we had spent most of our Marriage. He would not go home with me, for his own's Business was doing better in Seattle, , and so finally, I gave up on trying to see if he could stop smoking Pot, which he did non stop.

And I see a little bit of a parralel with you, Drinking AT, or blaming her for your Slip with drinking...... also, (sorry folks,) but not only do I see that, I also see some others here are concurring with you.

So going back to what ljc said, you have faced that you have a terminal illness, and the treatment is, or was working, with your great Sponsor, and the meetings.

"The drink is the LAST part of the Slip" Your own Recovery is based on your Spiritual condition, not on anything or anyone, person, place or thing.
Period.

Remember my friend, "we will know a moment when we will have No human Defense against that first drink", and the answer to that is pretty obvious, for myself my Relationship with my HP, that I choose to Call GOD, has to always be in the forefront of all other relationship.

So this one was pretty wordy, but I strongly suggest that you go back and cut and paste what ljc wrote, he, in my opinion anyway, HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!

Happy Sober day to you, just one day at a time, and the Record in this Program Rob is just 24 hours, so if you got up first, then you have more sobriety that I do today.

Praying that you will just get back to that good feeling you had, and know that what I wrote to you was coming straight from my heart to your Heart, my friend.

A Big Hug, Toni

-- Edited by Just Toni on Tuesday 3rd of November 2009 05:17:57 PM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Rob,
glad that you're ok. Don't be too hard on yourself. "it takes what it takes".

Avril G · Senior Member

What Bill said in such a few words is absolutely true, no-one can ever take away fromn you the experience you have had in recovery, so don't think you are a complete no-hoper, those of us who do drink again and are lucky enough to get back, are fortunate to have had the experience, and one day your experience will help others.

We had this conversation last evening, myself and two of the guys from USA had all had a period of sobriety followed by relapse, so shared our ES&H for a couple of newcomers here, and one of the American guys had 15 years in recovery beforew picking up again, and we all agreed that sobriety is dead easy!!!

I could keep anyone sober, I could tie them up in a cellar and tell them they will never drink alcohol again, but I would keep them fed and clothed, and would look after them well, so they would be sober. BUT is this what I want from MY sobriety?? NOt a chance mate, RECOVERY is much more than sobriety. Sobriety and beyond is what it's all about, building a new sober and content lifestyle is what recovery's all about, so now you also have had that experience, use it for your future recovery.