Nic, I just read your post on the thread from yesterday. I feel that the world, AA,or a family would be a very boreing place if we were all the same, had the same personalities and veiws.None of us have the same DNA, so thank God for the different thoughts, actions,and responses.
When I came into the programs I didn't trust anyone, especially the female gender. Remember I grew up in a alcoholic home , was an alcoholic, my Mom has mental problems, and I had a lot of character defects to work on. I had not been loved in the right ways by my parents, boyfriends, husbands, I didn't know what love was. I couldn't cry because I had been told that was weak,I couldn't hug because I felt someone would take it the wrong way.
I prayed for the right sponsor at that time and God send her to me to begin a journey, my experience was different than anyone elses. If they were all suppose to be the same we could just read the lesson and be done with it, instead we must live the lesson.I needed the teacher and she was there. I worked on myself, after awhile somethings came up she didn't feel she could really help me with soooo I turned to another lady in the program. Her approach was totally different then my other sponsor, but it worked, I was able to work through those issues.I have had several sponsors over the years and know I will probably have a few more as I will always be a work in progress, I will never arrive or know all the answers on the test.
There are no cookie cutter people in AA or in sponsors. I know Alcoholics who are tough, soft, preverts, sunday school teachers, preachers, parolees, policemen, some hug, some don't, some love some don't. I will never try to force myself, my opinion , on anyone, in or out of the program, but I'm not ashamed of who I am today because of all the blood, sweat and tears I shed working the 12 Steps. I continue to work on my defects of character today, will they ever be completely gone, I doubt it, some of them I cling to like a child to a blanky, if God wants them removed I know he'll do it.
I cherish my good fortune to be able to attend the meetings I get to attend. We have some great meetings, we talk AA, we read the Big book, As Bill Sees It, Came to Believe...Have step studies. I go to the meeting before and after the meeting. The last camp out I went to ,we had 6 Speakers and a Big book study. But our group also likes to have fun, so we threw people in the water, danced, sang,ate tons of food, slept under the stars.
I am proud of who I am today. I can walk into a room full of people with my head held high, or I can sit in a room all alone and not feel lonely because I like who I am today.I can give people big bear hugs and recieve them with joy. I can cry in front of anyone and not feel ashamed, I can be the me God intended me to be, not someone hiding in a bottle of booze, falling down , throwing up,or wanting to pick a fight with someone who looked at me wrong.Not someone wishing she was just like so and so...I've grown to like me.
I can let others make there choices and when someone ask me to be their sponsor I can say yes, because I have a sponsor, or I can say no, cause I feel we aren't right for one another, or I'm to busy to do them justice. I have choices today and most days I choose to see the glass half full and to be a positive asset .I value each and every person on this board, their differences are what make things interesting, our common bond of Alcoholism is what makes us a group. Thanks for your response, I enjoy readind g all of your shares. And believe me when I end my posts with a hug, I mean it, because it is something I had to learn to do through gritted teeth and now there are times I don't want to let go. I hope you all know that what you see with me is real, I am a very grateful sober alcoholic.
I am not sure why that post was addressed to me Gammy, and have gone back and forth between my share and yours trying to work out why it has my name on it.
It's a good one though, and I relate to lots of it. Except for the fact, I can never refer to the fact I was an alcoholic. I will die one.
The cookie cutter thing...I agree. I was trying to share my understanding of why I may appear different in how I address things. The experiences I have had, that lead to the way I handle things, surrender them and live today. I was talking about me and what I felt I had learned after sitting with myself. I do understand there are lots of different people and sponsors, and a myriad of responses.
If people are interpreting my questions and differing perspectives as divisive or argumentative, then I must be a much lousier communicator than I thought. I am trying to communicate my experience of sobriety, and what I came to find important (during a moment of reflection) in terms of valuing newcomers and other members and responding to them. I personally believe, if we offer people nothing we are actually robbing them and ourselves. Working with newcomers is a struggle. It takes effort to go back to a place we know we don't want to be at, and lead another out. It works your head over and it can tax you on many levels.
Right now I need the support of others, because I'm doing that. Working actively with another in early and fragile sobriety isn't easy. I don't have meetings to fortify myself with, so I am voicing my thoughts here...reasserting what I have been taught in order to prepare and pass that on. The alkie I am dealing with would play me like a fiddle if I tried to show him a softer gentler way...instead, I figure it's more a case of me showing him he's exhausted those options. And I don't just suggest that and go home...I have ensured he lay out his bankrupcy and continues to look at it, add to it and address it by not drinking over it. Only then can I leave with a clear conscience. That is the nature of the program I have come to understand. If others disagree, or feel there is something wrong in my approach, or that I am overlooking something that should be considered, then say so. I am not easily offended. I would consider your words thoughtfully and apply any advice, and see how it 'sits' with me and in my world. It would be appreciated.
I understand that in hindsight we can identify a mish-mash of emotional, personal and family issues that we slowly address, but in terms of addressing alcoholism - specifically for newcomers - I have to remind myself to stay aware of our primary purpose and respond with that in mind. Am so glad you feel strong and proud and positive about yourself. I wouldn't want anything else for you. They are wonderful blessings, especially when we remember the flip side.
Nic, Thanks for your reply. I do understand where you are coming from a little better. The statement " Remember I grewup in an alcoholic home,was an alcoholic..." simply meant at the time I came to the program. Yes, I am still an alcoholic in recovery, I am one drink away from being an active alcoholic just as we all are. Thank God I got on my knees this morning, ask God to keep me sober today, to lead and guide my steps.
Does the man you are working with have a Big Book, a 12 and 12? I sure hope so...let's see. You and a fellow alcoholic, and perhaps Mick, hey,Nic it sounds like you have a AA meeting.Only you know how you need to deal with someone, I think you have a good handle on that one.The only other thing I would say is that my experience is no matter how tough we are as women, there is still a difference in men and women, it's just how it is, so the old AA idea that it is better for a man to have a man sponsor is still best for me.I have a lot of men in the program that I seek there advice or who seek mine, but it is not a sponsor realationship.
Yes the newcomer is important that's 100 precent why there are AA groups all over the world, and my prayer is that all find a sponsor as soon as possible, for me all I can do is share my experience ,strength and hope. I can't tell someone else what to do except, to say" Don't drink alcohol or use drugs." ,"Get to a meeting." And "turn your life and will over to a higher power", the rest will come in time.I choose to keep things pretty simple because for so long my life was so complicated.
I'm glad you are here and as I said I understand you are who you are and express yourself as you do. That's what I love about face to face meeting, you can look in someones eyes and tell a little better where they are coming from.Have a great sober day and I pray your friend has one too. Is he still activly drinking?
