Finding things tough at the moment, have kind of got over busy again, am making meetings as much as I can, and I love the meetings, no matter where I get them, I always get something from them. Am just feeling overwhelmed and ratty, constantly ratty, over nothing, though I am very aware of it and am not trying to take it out on others, My sponsor has been great and when I feel like this, I try to think of all the good things, and that this too shall pass, I would appreciate it if you could send on prayers, find myself trying to isolate but at the same time not to isolate from meetings but just other things in life, am stuck going to a card game tonight which I don't want to go to but have committed to it and am providing transport, just am so sick of doing things like this that bore me to death, I feel guilty about this because these people are not drinkers and I used to enjoy their company,now I don't, its as simple as that and this has been happening a lot since I became sober, things I could tolerate while drinking do not suit me now, one friend of mine has an alcoholic boyfried and she practically hounded me with calls while I was in London last weekend, I also found that when I was losing my job two months ago, she made the situation worse by gossiping about my potential actions in the department. I was just lucky that I was sober and worked out a deal where I became self employed but just to think that my judgement of people was so totally off when I drank upsets me. I am terrified of meeting up with that scenario as it has been suggested to me to avoid the old playgrounds, playfriends and I find that works, I am not trying to take anyone's inventory here, I have enough problems with my own, its just that I'm trying to avoid certain irritating triggers and can not afford anger right now,
Hiya friend. As a person who used to be constantly ruled by her feelings....I can tell you what has been taught to me. They are *just* feelings. They are not my reality. Sounds, crazy, huh? When I experience any feeling now, especially feelings of anger or frustration...I try to acknowledge what Im feeling...and then just move on and try to act in acordance with how my Higher Power would have me behave. LOL...my sponsor tends to ask me how Im behaving today....rather than how Im feeling.
Hello, It was sugessted to me to feel the feelings , look at their validity , Then put the "How Important Is It " slogan into the mix. In early recovery I felt so many new things I did not have names to idenify them. Honesly sharing alwats helped. Good For You, Toad
Wow, I hear exactly how you are feeling. Ive been there. Im not sure how long you have been sober. But I know for at least the first year I felt everything you described. I was angry, still, even after putting down the drink.
I can only speak for myself, but my feelings are real, they aren't fake. I feel them, I deal with them, they are mine. ( I do relate to Toads suggestion, look at my feelings, their validity, then determine 'how important is it ?'
Every situation, circumstance and enviornment I am in is different. Some of them Im not gonna like, its just that simple. How I get thru them is the secret. I talk/share with my sponsor, go to a meeting, pray, take a walk in the outdoors, read some AA literature. Whatever it takes to get me thru without picking up a drink is good.
I think it is so common early in sobriety to have feelings of inferiority, confusion, and being overwhelmed. I mean .. I know I was, I had lost my outlet to deal with life, the booze.
You're doing great , good for you. Keep trudging and dont take the first drink.
Hang in there! I've been told many times that as alkies, anger simply is not a luxury we can afford. So, I figure out what leads to anger and nip that sh** in the bud. Resentment, fear, martyrdom, intolerance...whatever. Anger can no longer be a guest in my head.
I still find anger, anxiety and panic welling up in me from time to time. I've found recently that the only thing that works with those feelings is to hand it over to my HP and, yes, to share with others in the fellowship. Saying the serenity prayer (sometimes a few times) works for me too. Just my own experience.
So, I hope that you sharing on here can help with those feelings. That's what we're here for.
Julie is so on the money: they really are just feelings and they will pass.
As far as feeling guilty about avoiding old scenarios and friends, situations goes, I have felt exactly the same things. I used to feel absolutely guilty that I just stopped seeing my fellow pub drinkers, wracked by guilt in fact.
Then I realised that I would not be angry or hurt by a dear friend who said that as much as they love me, they wouldn't be able to see me so much anymore b/c they need the time to have life-saving treatment.
I now realise, with the grace of my HP and thanks to this wonderful programme, that those feelings were my illness trying to get me to drink. As an alcoholic I have fatal illness that will do whatever it can do make sure that it is fatal.
Howdy' Hope this note finds you reasonably well. Keyword for me has been reasonable. I had to and still am learning what that really means. It is becoming clear recovery is not for lightweights. Watching the leaves fall off the trees today reminds me of something I heard along the way. Surrendered problems have a way of falling away as the leaves fall from a tree. No real effort on the trees part. Sobriety is the easier softer way friend.
Thanks all for your replies, they have helped. Read my big book today and found that there is no room for a grouchy mind or a brainstorm, they are luxuries I am simply unable to afford. I dragged myself to my class on operations management one this evening, bit comical really as unmanageability is more of a strength for me. Enjoyed the class and I have come to realise that yes this sobriety is not for lightweights, I had thought there was an easier softer way,not so, all through the day I have been asking HP for help and getting little signs that help has come, not maybe as I want it but the right way,
So, your HP doesn't follow orders either, eh? I'm reminded of a little parable I told a Friend who called me last week...
So, I'm on the bank of a river. Pack of hungry wolves have run me to the bank. I see a dock-light straight across on the other side. Gotta decide...no way I'm going back into the wolves; certain death. The river is wide and strong. I'm too tired to jump in and swim straight across to the dock-light; I'd drown. So, into the water I go anyway, and just start swimming to stay afloat. Evenyually, I reach the other side, albeit quite a ways downriver from where I wanted to be, but alive, and able to walk back upriver to the safe haven of the dock-light.
That river's my HP. If I'm willing to float, It's willing to get me to safety...but not on my terms.
