Getting rid of character defects wasn't as easy as I expected it to be, and to this day, one or another of them will still raise its ugly head at times. It was only when I was told that HP didn't just remove them - no siree, He/She/It puts me into a situation where I need to work on them, just to make me see what they are and in what situations do they arise, and once I was aware of this, I became aware everytime one of them cropped up, and it was up to ME to do something about it.

God doesn't do for us what we can do for ourselves, nor does he pay the bills, BUT HP will usually put things in my way which enables me to raise the funds needed to pay the bills, one example in early days I was in despair wondering how I could pay my phone bill, which in early recovery was top of the priority list for me, and lo and behold, I got a cheque through the post saying I had won some money on the premium bonds, which I had forgotten I had.
It wasn't a fortune, but it DID cover the phone bill, and a little bit eft over for a treat. I have to recognise what is Gods will, the signs are not always that obvious to me, but I'm getting better at it.

Hey Julie, thanks for sharing . I felt like you might have been talking about me !! lol.

Steps 6 & 7 are my favorites . They are 2 of the most important for me.  Key words for me to remember are that I need to be willing to have the defects removed , and I gotta remember that God is gonna do the removing.

A really great additional book to help out on these steps is called " Drop the Rock ".  If you can get your hands on it I highly suggest it.

Yep, I can identify .. geez, I work, I do the laundry , shopping, cooking, blah, blah blah ... My sick head helps me play the victim on average of once a month.  Im trying to get it down to every 6 months, lol.

Julie, what a great thread. And what great shares.

My character defects can frustrate me and I need to pray on that. You've put arrogance at the top of your list -- for so long I honestly thought that *I* was the victim (martyrdom, like you say) that I was the one who was nullifying myself for others. I NEVER thought that I had an ounce of ego or arrogance in my body. This is still where I struggle with the programme. My whole life was about pleasing and helping other people.

Basically, I literally could never say "no" to anyone for fear of hurting their feelings. I would agree with people whom I knew literally had elementary facts wrong (I had a boss over here who told me that it was not possible to go skiiing in Vancouver and I agreed with him that I was wrong when I said that you could, even though I'm from Vancouver) just b/c I didn't want to be rude and/or hurt their feelings. People walked all over me and I let them do it.

I had literally no sense of self-worth. I could give money away at the drop of the hat, even when I didn't have it. I moved countries and made all sorts of life choices, just to please others. I didn't leave destructive jobs b/c I didn't want to hurt the feelings of other people by quitting -- that would men that I thought something was wrong with them.

I only ever thought about other people, never myself. And I really was a wimp. I would back down if someone said anything to me...anything. In many cases, in order not to hurt people's feelings and/or to make them like me, I have made some, for all intents and purposes, irreversible life choices and I am still not very happy with but can only accept, lest by trying to reverse them I hurt other people too. Basically, my people pleasing could have killed me.

It made me passive aggressive and it made to seek solace in the drink to ease the pain, even though as a younger person I hated drinkers and would often not even drink. It also made take my frustrations out on my wife and mom and sisters and some close friends, since I knew that they wouldn't leave me if I did.

As I progress in the programme, I guess that an oldtimer would say that it really was ego that made me a people pleaser and let to that self-nullifying behaviour. I was the I that made me do those things. The I was saying, a skinny, zitty, awkward, poor kid like you has no way of feeding me, the ego, other than to please other people -- that is your only unique selling point. BUT, I'm not sure that that makes much sense, frankly. Nor can I just accept other people and let them walk over me: I did that for forty years pre-AA and where did it get me? Getting drunk virtually every day.

Perfectionism: yep, still can be in there in me too. If I can't do it perfectly and get lots of praise, then part of me still doesn't want to do it.

I can still be grandiose, fearful, forgetful, clumsy, careless, chaotically disorganised, lazy, a loner, impatient and intolerant, a compulsive spender, indecisive, obsessive, impulsive, a chronic procrastinator and I can still be dishonest and feel that I need instant gratification. I can still jump to negative conclusions about how everything is catastrophe for me. I still have truckloads of self pity.

It's also become clear to me that what Avril has said is right on the money about removing these character defects. I pray daily for the removal of these character defects and they still manifest themselves on a daily basis. I can see now that I really must have some role in their removal, that my HP will help me if I help myself. It's just laziness on my part to think that by praying for their removal, that will be a magic want that magically removes them with no work on my part. But that's the hard part! ;)

Thanks again Julie for this great thread and to all for their great shares -- sorry for hijacking with a bit of a rant.

Best to you all!

Steve



-- Edited by SteveP on Thursday 29th of October 2009 01:46:35 AM

-- Edited by SteveP on Thursday 29th of October 2009 02:22:51 AM