Well, "normal" drinkers don't fret about choosing their spouse over a Budweiser. I would never have chosen the spouse, but then I'm an alcoholic. Do what your gut thinks is right, and if your gut fills with booze, come on back!!

I've stopped drinking before for other people and it never worked for me, but i know someone who stopped drinking because their wife was going to leave them and that man has 5 years without a drink or drug. Diff for everyone I suspect. Good luck to you.

RagnarokNO09 wrote:

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i think i have a lot more head problems than alcohol, but dont know where to get help.. this depression is destoying me, and i guess alcohol was my natural way of getting over it..

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there is nothing natural about alcohol 


Hello RNO09,
I had a wife who nagged about my drinking, at the beginning of my sobriety. It wasn't helpful. I know she did it for the benefit of our 2 yo son. Her intentions were good but, like most alcoholics, I didn't like being told what to do. I tried for a couple years to go to meetings and stay sober for her. Things did happen more than occasionally that were embarrassing. I had some driving issues, work related issues, and issues with family and friends where drinking contributed. Most times I manage pretty well but I had depression and anxiety, a lot of resentments (most of us have these) and pent up anger about situations that I couldn't control. Most of us were self medicating and to a certain extent, it worked well for awhile and for some of us it worked for a long while.

Alcohol seemed to calm these but later I realized that it caused more problems then it solved and people were not wanted to deal with me. Eventually that was going to be everyone and I was going to be alone. I saw homeless people and began to understand how they got there. The trouble with this disease is that the alcoholic is the last one to know. We don't know what we don't know, because we are in an altered state, but those around us see it much differently. When we are mood altering our fear, anger, or pain, we lose our authentic self and become someone else. It's not pretty, and it's not what our significant others, employers, friends, and family bargained for.

It's not about having a couple beers, it's about what happens to us in the process, we become a different person from the one that they know. But this is not something that we notice at first. Have you ever said or done things, while drinking, that you regretted later? I remember those "next days" when it felt like someone else was at the wheel. There was a disconnection like it wasn't really me that did or said that. Or maybe I didn't remember doing it at all. Later this became part of the denial and I used the alcohol for an excuse for my behavior. It wasn't until I honestly looked back at my drinking years and could see that many of the problems that I had had were associated with alcohol.

So did quitting drinking solve all my problems? No, as alcohol was really a symptom of my problem, the problem was me. I didn't know how to live and deal with life on life's terms. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. A lot of things "got to me" and enraged me. It was a mystery and I couldn't figure it out until after I got sober for awhile. It took a good 6 months of not drinking, one day at a time, for my body and brain to adjust to life without alcohol and I felt like a different person because I was. I had consolidated with my authentic self. You know, the one that cries out for help occasionally, the one that the alcohol (and I) was trying to surpress. I was around that time when I began to put together "good weeks" and "good months". I wasn't used to that, I was used to a rollercoaster of ups and downs. This was different in a really good way but there was work involved in maintaining this new life and that's where AA and working a program in AA came it.

Try and take an honest look at how alcohol really affects your life. Look hard, what have you lost and what do you stand to lose. There is nothing to lose in trying a new way of life that doesn't require drinking just to feel normal or "OK". If you really commit to getting sober for 6 months, with the help of this fellowship, you'll feel like you've never felt before.  And you can always go back to drinking, that's easiet thing to do.   Here's what we call "The Promises" from the Big book of AA. You can read that book here http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

The Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84





-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 28th of October 2009 02:35:52 AM

Yo Rag,
This program fixes lots of problems as a side benefit. Its built to be easy by doing the steps. It turns out the steps are a bit harder than you think, but after you start doing them, you gain steps of grace and wisdom. When you are well into the steps, the other problems you have become apparent, but removing alcohol from any problem is a huge improvement on that problem. Hang in there with the program--get a sponsor--try it, its free.
We drunks recognize what you are doing right now. Your inner demon (alcohol) is ready to sell anything and anybody down river so you can stay drinking. This is very common. We all did it! It will pass if you stick with the program.
Tom

PS Nice post Dean!

-- Edited by turninggrey on Wednesday 28th of October 2009 08:22:53 AM

Very little to add to what's been said already, except to say that I denied myself into divorce (twice) house reposession and bankruptcy (oddly enough did both of these twice too - once is NEVER enough for this alkie) Family, friends, work colleagues, bosses, kids ALL told me where I was heading if I didn't quit drinking, but I had to lose much more before realising that I was NOT in any way, shape or form a 'normal' or 'average type drinker.

I would recommend you listen to your partner, she's the sober one who can see things clearly, she's also probably shit scared that if you DO carry on drinking she's watching you commit slow suicide. Maybe someone cares more about you than you do yourself??