Good onya, Mark!!! Once we're sober, it IS very scarey to face our fears, but I will stick my neck out here and say, I reckon you will walk out of that place buzzing!!! I visit a facility weekly over here, and each time I feel so grateful to be walking away with my sobriety intact, and feeling a lot more grateful than when I went in there.

A lovely AA friend of mine, who spent almost all his life in prison is now our Prison Liaison Officer, and he's around 15 years sober now, and he still says he loves going into prisons with AA, especially when they let him out afterwards without handcuffs.

F ACE
E VERYTHING
A ND
R ECOVER

I am looking forward to hearing all about it.

Congratulations on over 1 year sober and your service. Your fears aren't irrational imo. As for the fact that you never went to rehab, I hazard to guess that most people who get and stay sober aren't products of a rehab (just an unofficial guess). I went to rehab, then drank again so...You have what they want (or someday will want).

I'm sure you will come away from it with a great feeling, knowing you have done something very special.

Rob, I'm beating you by 1 post

Hey Pinkchip,
The easiest story to tell is the truth. Just tell it like it is/was. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. You can hold your head high for all you've accomplished since sober, and you will be speaking to your brothers and sisters. You will be fine!
Tom

Pinkchip, I understand your fear. I have problems with anxiety in general and especially public speaking. I just got out of rehab after an extended relapse. One of the requirements of graduating the program was to tell our story in front of the group. A few people refused to do it. I felt that I had to.

There were about 30 people present and I was so nervous I was shaking like I still had the DT's. An odd thing happened. About midway through, I noticed the empathy and compassion on the faces of my peers and I suddenly relaxed a bit. By the time it was over, I felt fine. Afterwards, I felt GREAT...I had finally gotten out all of the things I had kept hidden away for so many years.

Just tell the truth and remember that these folks are very much like you, except that their wounds are still fresh. Don't know if that helps at all, but it's my two cents' worth.

Congratulations Mark on one year...

One thing I have learned is that you can never go wrong by speaking from the heart. If you're fearful make that part of the talk.

If you speak half as well as you write you'll do a great job!

Yes, it is most definately a privelage and an honor to share ... anywhere. Even in a regular meeting.

When I share, anywhere I ask God to help me. I must remember that what doesn't come from the heart doesn't reach the heart.

( My sponsor told me to go in the bathroom before I spoke, and get on my knee's and ask for guidance , it has worked every time ).

In a way, it's all working out just as God might plan.  This will actually be the 3rd time I've told my story.  I did it at 7 months, 10 months and now 13.  The first time was at my home group, second time at a group that I'd never been to when asked by a friend, and now at a totally foreign place.  So, I have done this before, just not in this setting.  The last times I did it...I didn't dwell on it...just said a prayer before hand and let it rip.  It's kind of amazing that they let me share 2 times already.  Down here at newcomers meetings you can tell your story at 6 months so...  I was present at so many meetings and I share a lot so...easy target to get asked lol.  Thank you guys for the responses.  It gives me a better and more healthy take on things.  Aaahhh the power of "we" comes through again.

Mark

Well? How did it go?

Well guys, Thursday was a very hard day at work. I got in trouble and got written up over some petty crap, but I did have a part in it...It just didn't have to turn out that way and I was and still am angry at how it happened. I went to my regular beginner's meeting at 7 that night and that was the one where my sponsor presented me with my 1 year medallion (I had to wait til the end of the month for this cuz as most of you know, that is when anniversaries are celebrated in most meetings...even though my anniversary was on the 1st day of this month..Oct 1). So, My sponsor was waiting there with balloons and a T shirt that has a smiley face on it saying "Happy Camper." It was an inside joke sort of cuz I was so unhappy during my first 3 months especially and spent a lot of time working through that with him and also at that particular meeting. He said the most wonderful things about me and I forgot mostly about the crappy stuff going on at work. He gave me a card that said I also kept him sober for a year and how special it was for him to be giving a 1 year medallion to a sponsee...the first one he's ever had to make it to a year. Okay...that that was real cool.

Now sharing at that inpatient rehab. It was uncomfortable. It was on the psych unit of the hospital and it was TOTALLY different than any meeting I have ever been to. The people are not there for alcohol on the most part so having an AA meeting there was strange and the person that was running the meeting and asked me to be the speaker really had to structure it for them and explain AA. I was told when I tell my story to speak from the heart, so I did not censor it at all. There is a gay recovery unit in this hospital called the Pride Unit, but this was not it. There was no way for me to tell my story without telling that I was gay and how that played into my alcoholism. Also, I did feel I had to share that I had coexisting mental health diagnoses that I deal with. Both of those things wound up being issues for a couple of people. There were about 12 people in there and some walked in and out periodically. A few seemed to really be paying attention. I spoke for like 40 minutes...general format...how it was, what happened, and what it is like now. When it was their turn to share, one guy talked about being molested as a young boy and that he now has major issues with gay people and is so uncomfortable around them. He did share it was something he'd never talked about and was having a hard time getting over. He stated that he thought gay people were all trying to turn him into a "faggot" then apologized for using that word. I stated I took no offense and thanked him for being honest. Another person shared they didn't agree with him, but didn't elaborate why and he got very angry and stormed off out of the room. Other people then shared appropriately and identified with some things I said about hope and how, even when I was down over the course of the year, having such an active program and hearing how others dealt with life would always give me hope to carry on and that it part of why the program has worked and why I continue to go....because it gives me hope that when things are good it's because I'm growing and more good things will happen, and when things are bad I have hope because other people have been through the same or much worse and they have dealt with things sober. At the end, a lady that was very intently listening stated she wanted to ask me a question. She was probably in her late 50s and asked how I learned to deal with having an anxiety disorder. I stated 1 day at a time, shared about slowly learning coping skills and gaining faith over just learning to do things sober over time, and that I also follow my doctor's perscriptions now, when I did not to that before and abused my meds. They asked what meds I take and I stated I do take anti-anxiety meds but am very rigid about not abusing them. One person totally discredited me and stated "this sure ain't like NA...A drug is a drug. Congrats on the no alcohol though buddy." So...I left feeling much less positive than the other times I shared. But...I had to process it. There were more people there that DID get something positive out of it. Even the person that stormed off over the "gay thing and his feelings about gayness being tied to being molested" probably got something out of it cuz he stated he never shared that before and it was major issue for him. So...I now know those people don't really have a great idea of what makes them ruled by substances and they are struggling with step 1 and trying to find answers. I just hope some of them realized it is okay to feel different, to think you are more mental or crazy than other people and can't get sober because of it...because I learned that is all false and that is what I wanted to get across. If asked to do this again, I will censor bits of my story because I want to carry more of the message of recovery without tripping off issues people have about outside things. I would share more about how relationships played into my addiction and not talk about being gay. I would also share I have anxiety and some depression and deal with it a day at a time without discussing any other medications that are none of their business to know about. I get a lot of positive feedback about being honest in my shares...but sometimes I can be honest and not share what might be parts of my story that will make other's uncomfortable. I will have to remember where I am telling my story each time I do it. Anyhow, I did not have any flashbacks about my ex being on a locked unit a year ago. I did not over identify with being in rehab either. I just saw people and that is all that mattered...not the place. So that is how it went guys. It was a good experience though I had to process what happened for a day or so to figure that out. I am glad I did it, even though it was not all super fantastic and yay yay great like the other times I told my story.

Mark

Way to go, Mark!  I admire your honesty.

Give yourself a pat on the back.

Well done Mark, sounds like you got as much out of the experience as they did, if not more. Congrats on a year +