new here.. not sure..

RagnarokNO09 · Member

new here.. not sure..

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey Rag, welcome.

Every single one of us in AA has a story not a million miles away from your own. I've done hundreds of the stupidest things when drunk and got used to cringing in the mornings when my wife would say "do you know what you did last night?"

By sharing and listening on here and in Face to Face meetings, you will hear how other people have exactly dealt with the feelings that you're having and how they haven't had to have a drink on them.

The most powerful things that were told me to me when I first came to AA were to keep it simple: just don't take that first drink no matter what happens and to get to a meeting. Sounds like you're already doing that.

I've just kept coming back to meetings and more recently to this site, and now that I feel that the time is right, have been working the AA program.

Today, thanks to AA (which includes you and and the people on this board) my wife didn't say to me this morning "do you know what you did last night"? I've got a lot of work still to do in my life, but today, I am grateful for that beyond words. Just my own recent experience.

You're always going to be welcome here.

Best

Steve

ljc · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to the group here, glad you found Us !

You said, Im hoping this site can help me come to terms with being sober.

Well, I dont know that I have that kind of power to be able to do that. No human being was gonna get and keep me sober. That job was gonna be Gods and mine. Then by allowing the fellowship of AA, the literature, the steps and a sponsor to help me, I began to apply all of these things in my life and have been able to string a few sober days together.

As has already been mentioned, your share is not that different from many of our own. We have all done some not so good things in our life, while drinking and even while sober . At least I know I have.

So, there's a good thing ... you are not alone. In this internet group ( as well as f2f meetings ) you are gonna find like minded individuals that are just like You.

I heard it said one time at a meeting to a new person ... Ya know, if you want to stop drinking, you're gonna have to stop drinking. ( kinda one of those duhh moments )

If you are in as bad of shape as you say you are then I would like to promise you 2 things :
#1 If you are a real alcoholic and start the AA program by finding a God, a sponsor and working the steps and dont drink , your life is gonna get SO much better.

#2 If you continue on the path you are on and keep drinking, your life is gonna get worse than you ever thought it would.

What are you willing to do to stay sober Rag ???

Id highly suggest getting to some AA meetings. Get yourself a copy of our book. ( referred to as the Big Book of AA ) read the first 164 pages. Get a male sponsor to help guide you thru the steps, and work the steps. Dont drink and go to as many meetings as you can. Sit and listen to the ppl share.

Start your new life today !! You can do it. It aint easy, but it is possible.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

I can't add anymore than what Steve P. and ljc have shared with you. Except to say: Welcome RagnaroK009!! We're glad you're here. smile

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello RN09 and welcome to the board. You're in the right place. You're story sounds a lot like mine, substitute coke for meth. Plenty of blackouts and shame about it. Tried to quit many times on my own, best I could manage was a week or two. I seem to heal and forget quickly why I quit. It was very elusive, seductive, and confusing, the cycle I was in. I two had a wife that not only tolerated my drinking but was a drinker herself until our son was born.

Then everything changed. I knew and she reminded me why I needed to stop drinking for good. But alcoholics don't much like being told what to do, and her shaming me about it seem to make me drink harder. A number of unfortunate events happened close together and I was then willing to do whatever it took to get and stay sober. My Mother had already been sober for 14 years and was still attending AA. I'd been to a few meetings but never got engaged in the program. No friends, no sponsor, didn't work the steps, no service jobs, no men's meetings, no homegroup, no extra curicular activities.... just sort of hit and run. All that changed and I decided to take and do all the suggestions, that I had heard in the meetings, to insure that I got and stayed sober because I knew that my life depended on it. I understood that my way didn't work. It suddenly made sense that if I had time to drink everyday, I had time to go to a meeting everyday and I began my suggested 90 meetings in 90 days. I picked on older wiser sponsor and began working the steps and felt a new me emerging and I liked what I saw.

This wasn't a burden at all it was an adventure. My outlook on life changed and it hasn't stopped. Get busy, follow in the footsteps of successfully recovering people and you will have what they have if you do what they did to get it.

You can read the AA "Big Book" here on line. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm and find a AA meeting list by googling AA meetings your town. I would also suggest that you call your local AA intergroup office for some suggestions about beginners meetings, and speakers meetings, and a good place to look for a sponsor. I'd do this quickly, as the part of you that is asking for help now doesn't get out that often and it could be months, years before you have this willingness again.

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 27th of October 2009 06:39:28 AM

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Rag,
All the above posts are 100%. I just want to add that your 20's are fleeting. The next time you "wake up" to your condition could be in your 40's not even knowing who your child is, thus setting that child up for a repeat of your current life. There is peace in not being the center of the universe and giving your powerlessness over alcohol/substance abuse to the program and being with new friends that have a common interest in staying sober. Good Luck!
Tom

carlasober · Senior Member

Welcome. Keep Coming Back!

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Rag,
Not much to add to the above. Some good ES&H shared with you. I can relate to your experience. Been there. Follow the suggestions outlined above and your going to change- thus your life will change. Welcome and keep coming back.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Rag...the meth addiction was a bad place, but the alcohol one is not better really... Get honest with yourself...Alcoholism sucks ass and it is not much better a substitute than any other drug...even my cigarette addiction is annoying the hell out of me lately cuz it went up when I stopped drinking. What I do know is that, if not for AA, my replacement addictions would be even more unhealthy and out of control. Most of us are alcoholics and addicts...the line between the two is so blurred and I don't really see the point in making that much of a distinction. I have heard similar to your story many times in AA...where people stopped insane drug use to just cash it in for alcoholism. Hence, I know if they could stop, so can you. Indeed, the meetings don't need to take you to a bad place...that's in your mind. Dunno if all those meetings you attended when quitting meth were NA or what...but I suggest rethinking Step 1...powerless over alcohol/drugs...etc. It's all the same...at least it is for me. It is a pretty good job you are doing of assessing where you are at and the need to stop this. I do suggest going to more meetings and embracing AA. You are probably an alcoholic/addict for life just like the rest of us here... That seems like a pretty hard pill to swallow, but you can make it and get the daily reprieve through AA...and you only have to work 1 day at a time to keep it in remission. Prayers for you,

Mark

Avril G · Senior Member

Hello and welcome, Rag. Yours is a common story of acoholism which developed after coming off the hard drugs. I visit a detox unit each week to talk to the clients about AA, and many of them are clean from drugs, but picked up alcohol, pretty much for the same reasons as you just shared.

Dean got in before me eith the link to the Big Book, which is where you will find all you need to know about alcoholism and recovery through the AA 12-step programme. Best advice I can give you is to contact your local AA helpline, which you can easily find online or in your phone directory.

Here's a link to your local area meetings directory http://www.idahoarea18aa.org/ Stick around this place, we don't have all the answers, but most of us have a wealth of experience about how to/how not to get and stay sober, and we're more than willing to share our experiences with you.

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi There Cleveland,

And so so happy you found us here.

All I can add is that I also was crossed addicted to persciption Valium, along with Alcohol, and had to kick the Valium before any Recovery from Alcohol could Ever take place, sounds like you are there, but that is also the time when the Blackout were daily, had blackouts on a daily basis for almost 4 years, when I was not working, then to the blackout, but when I kicked the Valium I was no longer working and the Blackouts were 24/7 and how I recall that is the Grip of the Disease had me, and would not let go, wanting my life. that is how I recall it, and only after a feeble third attempt to escape that feeling of
I had no choice left, I had to drink, at 5 am in the morning, til I passed out, then repeat the process til the evening, so two blackouts a day, sorry I veered off the subject a bit. But when I failed at my third suicide attempt it was then, that I simply asked God, a God that I really did not know, to Please show me a different way.

That was the moment that His Mysterious Ways set in to my life, never had another drink, and that was over 19 years ago. There are no words to describe how my life turned around, it was not easy at first, it was very difficult, but I continued to now follow all the suggestions. A meeting everyday, Praying to a God that I now had the seeds of Faith in.

So just like most of us here, you are speaking to a Miracle, and you can become one of the Miracles here, by following all that has been said in the other Post.

Happy, Joyous and Free, and you can also have what we have, a LIFE.... that will exceed all your thoughts about just how great life can be.

I love God, With All my Heart, I love being alive, and I owe my Life to God first, then to what the AA 12 step program gave me as a way out of the diseased way of living.

Love and Hugs, and now you are in our little family on MIP, so welcome, let us, let the Meetings show you how to do this, JUST one day at a time Program.

One of your new friends here, and again Welcome.
Toni

kkotz401 · Senior Member

Welcome to the board. Admitting you have a problem is a big step. Try going to some local twelve step meetings. I am sure you will find it helpful. I hope you find this board to be a good source of support.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP, Cleaveland. The book can stop here. It doesn't have to get any worse 1Day@aTime. Head to some A.A. meetings, listen & learn with your new ears. You will hear how we got out from under this dreadful obsession & into a new life of dignity, respect & hope. Do it for you & of course your loved ones will benefit. You deserve a good life of sobriety without these hurtful & dangerously life threatening risks. Life is good after alcohol. You will find a way to live without a drink or a drug & it will be better than you could have imagined. You can do this with help & willingness. You're not alone. Welcome to our board. Keep coming back. Godbless, Danielle x

RagnarokNO09 · Member

thanks for the support everyone! ill keep your words in mind

jasperkent · Senior Member

Ragnarok, you are in the right place. Lots of good advice here.

As an alcoholic/addict who has traded addictions to various chemicals many times, I can attest that it's all the same disease. It always gets worse over time. I've experienced everything you described and many more horrible things. If life were fair, I'd be dead several times over.

I've struggled in and out of recovery over twenty years. The longest sober time I put together was 3.5 years, and I experienced Serenity during that period. Unfortunately, I got lazy and started skipping meetings to the point that I wasn't going at all. It was all downhill from there.

Now I'm back from an extended relapse and I go to a meeting every day. I actually enjoy them now but back in my early days I did not.

Shop around for one you like-- or can tolerate. Keep going as often as possible. I assure you that things will get better if you stick around and listen to the ones who have been sober a while.