This is what I told Joe: "There are no musts in AA. Take it cafeteria style -- take it your own way. Don't worry about the spiritual part of the program. Take the First Step, but never mind the rest of them right now. Just stay away from the first drink for twenty-four hours. It's that simple. We're all here to help you. Call us any hour of the day or night. . . ."
I pitched this woo at Joe, a reluctant newcomer, and he said "I do." He admitted he was an alcoholic. I was proud of my easy conquest. But the honeymoon ended abruptly a few weeks later. Joe phoned me at 3:30 AM -- drunk as a skunk. When I refused to come to his aid at that hour he threw my loving words back in my teeth: "You shed you'd come anytime, dayernight." I told him he knew his way around by now. "Why did you wait until after taking the first drink?" "I'm a nalcoholic, remember?" Joe said. "You shed I got a disease." I hung up in disgust. Months passed and Joe was still kicking it around. Finally, when he landed in the alcoholic ward of a hospital, I visited him to "straighten out his thinking." Instead, here is what happened: "Look," Joe said, "I really am an alcoholic and I need this program. I'm willing to do anything necessary to stay sober -- but, if you'll forgive me for saying so, I think you were too anxious to have me join quickly. I'm sure you thought it was for my own good, but it would have been better if you had laid all the hard facts on the line. I was ready for the 'blood, sweat and tears' kind of talk -- after the beating I'd taken -- but you made it sound like pie in the sky. You sold me AA on toast, with truffles, under glass."
I was incensed. Here was an ungrateful pigeon with a resentment against me, his sponsor. "What do you mean, Joe?" I said. "Didn't I tell you it was the first drink that did it?" "Yes, but you also said there were no musts. Well, from now on I choose to make that first drink a must not twenty-four hours at a time. I've attended a lot of meetings, in spite of my relapses, and I've kept my ears sharpened when serene-looking oldtimers spoke. "I heard many of them say they tried to take the Twelve Steps in just the order they were numbered. They said the founders must have had some reason for this succession. I've even heard several former agnostics say that they at least tried to pray to a Higher Power as soon as they found AA--if only to say, 'Please' in the morning and 'Thank you' at night for the gift of their sobriety." "Well," I interrupted, "I now do that, too, of course, but I backed away from it when I was a newcomer and I thought --"
"I know. You hoped this would 'rub off' on me later, and you were afraid of scaring me away with the 'God stuff.' Well, I've since observed that alcohol is only mentioned in two of the Twelve Steps and that practically all of them are spiritual steps. I wondered why you glossed over this fact and told me not to worry about the spiritual 'angle' -- when the program itself is largely a spiritual one."
"Most newcomers are so fogged up with alcohol they're not ready to accept Step Two and the ones that follow," I said.
"But Step Two says 'Came to believe'," said Joe.
"It doesn't say you've gotta believe right this minute! I heard one old-timer say it took him over a year before he came to believe--but he kept working at it, and trying. I don't mean to be critical, pal, but you didn't even tell me to try. You just said to relax... not to worry about the Steps or God or anything. You said Easy Does It, but you made it too damn easy for me. I'm really grateful for all you did, but if I ever have a Twelfth Step case, I'm going to tell him: 'Easy does it -- but do it. Get the lead out of your pants, bub. This is a program or action!'" "Move over, Joe," I said, "you've got a Twelfth Step case right now -- and that's me. How about switching seats, and you be my sponsor from now on?" Joe grinned from ear to ear. I was really proud of him. "Okay, pal, you asked for it," he said. "But I want you to remember one thing: Unless you want a swift kick in the rear, just don't call me up in the middle of the night after you've had that first drink!"
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
P.S. Ever since, I've been dishing out AA plain and simple -- no toast, no truffles! Yes -- it works.
Thanks Rick...both posts were great. Now I just gotta figure out how to save them so I can email them on... I always have to have my kid do the cut and pastes for me!
I always have to have my kid do the cut and pastes for me!