First - Hello Everyone! Hope you all are well, it's been a little while. *Grace of God - I'm still sober.
Wanted to share that I went to a new meeting on my side of town last night. Mostly the young, in sobriety, running the meeting and it was great. When I say young, under a year. It was sprinkled with a couple of very sage longtimers. Not me, of course. *Go ahead Dean
"I have to have An Attitude of Powerlessness" These words hit me right between the eyes last night. A member was sharing about a Step they were having a hard time with and I believe this man was referring to getting the 1st Step 100% before we can move forward in the Steps. Anyway, I've been in one of those valleys for a little too long for my comfort. It was getting a little scary. I did not want to pray the prayers or read the pages in the Big Book that have helped to keep me sober so far. One of the things I've been taught is not to try and figure out what's wrong, but to keep up with the foot work. I've also been taught and have learned, when it's time these things will become clear. (Or sponsor will tell me )
When our friends said these words, I could see one thing that has been blocking me. People are not doing/behaving the way I think they should. I believed their behavior would look bad on me. (I was failing) And the big one, for me, is I have to do something I don't really want to do. It's the right thing for the person involved, although they won't think so, and for me. I hate this kind of stuff. But, my job is done, I've done and gone as far as I can and it's time for me to let go.
While reading this morning, I also found I've been telling my Higher Power what I want Him to do, not asking for His Will to be done. No wonder I've been in a funk. huh???
Thanks for letting me share
I have to have An Attitude of Powerlessness
-- Edited by Jane05 on Thursday 22nd of October 2009 02:37:56 PM
Hmmmmm...well, you just gve me something to chew on.
Ive always been told about having "an attitude of gratitude" but Ive never heard "an attitude of powerlesness".
My first thought is to instictively reject that idea......crazy how my mind works, huh?
What I do know for sure is:
I am powerless over alcohol. I am powerless over numerous other substances. I am powerless over my spouse, my kids, my sponsee's, my parents, my boss, that guy at the morning meeting who ticked me off cuz he spoke WAY too long and kept repeating himself (go figure, the topic this morning was tolerance). The list of the things I am powerless over could go on at length.
Im thinking maybe I need to adress my ego..........cuz Im still sitting here trying to reject the idea of having an attitude of powerlesness. "Gosh....what would people think? They might know that I dont know everything....that Im not in control......that I dont have any answers." (Im being sarcastic here)
Thanks for the brain food. You gave me lots to think about.
Thank you for your post & great to catch you on a visit, Jane! I have to remember that I am powerless in each & every forst instant but that I have an access to a power greater than me if I stay willing & hopeful to having humility. I have to remember to keep on asking for my HP's grace to come in & guide me because I will not know what's best for all & sundrie lol
Step one is my problem, Step two is my solution, Step three is my decision and four to nine are my actions. I know 10, 11 & 12 are my maintenance & maybe I haven't got all those previous steps licked yet so just in case, I keep on sharpening all 12 lol Because I'm greedy, a perfectionist & want to get & stay well at all lengths lol Thanks for this food for thought, Jane. Gave me a nice reminder & opportunity to share too. Love, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Great topic, great concept, put in the correct context.
I sometimes feel like I have that Attitude down to perfection.....that when it comes cleaning up my kitchen and doing the dishes....AGAIN!!!
Good to see you here.
Toni
Had to come back and say sorry, (10th Step) for my smart ass comment, I love this Post, and the concept, but when I read that Attitude of Powerlessness, it took me back to my looking at that little card on the 7 Deadly Sins, and the one was on Slouth, I remember thinking, darn it, this takes ALL the Fun OUT of the word Procrastination, and when I first saw that concept here, I had never seen it before ever, and in my little still sick head, I thought, Wow, maybe their is some hope still for the word Procrastination, still a Character Defect that I DO Work on Daily..well when I think of it....(guess it is the nature of the word Procrastination...... HELP.... JERRY!..Digging myself into a deeper hole......need to hear DON'T DRINK, and DON'T THINK........
done done done now.........going away........
-- Edited by Just Toni on Friday 23rd of October 2009 08:34:10 AM
It's good to see you back, you where one of the first to greet me on the forum and really helped me get started here.
I guess we always need to remember we are powerless over people, places and things, but that should not keep us from helping others and providing guidance where appropriate. We just need to stay out of the results business.
You described the fine art of dealing with others in our way of life very well. You had the courage to say what needed to be said, your job is done, we turn it over to God and accept the results.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I think everyone has some internal power and I guess when I look at it... A person's power is really just their own experience, strength, and hope. An attitude of powerlessness is an excellent thing to have in terms of looking out at the world though. Can't have much power alcohol, people, places, things.... When I did step one, it included making a list of things I was powerless over, ways my life had become unmanageable, ways it was still unmanageable... I was told and grasped early on that powerless did not mean just over alcohol in that step. It was good to understand this, because I didn't really understand what my will was until I considered what I had power over and what I didn't.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks Jerry, Julie, Danielle, Toni, Rob and PC !!
Some really good stuff you've shared. I remember you too Rob and so glad you're still here!! Remember PinkChip coming on too. He shared about why he called himself "PinkChip".
It's great to "see" all of you and good or bad, you will probably be "seeing" a good bit of me.
-- Edited by Jane05 on Friday 23rd of October 2009 07:10:20 PM
Im Lori, Im an alcoholic and Im powerless over alcohol. Alcohol, thats it. Please somebody correct me if Im wrong, but I dont think the book tells us that We are powerless over ppl, places and things. I think it does say that We have been given the power to help Others. When I draw off Gods power I get strength to share my esh of how this program works for me.
An attitude of gratitude is what I need to strive for on a daily basis. And then share that attitude with others.
LJC, I have an ability to help others, not any special power (at least that's how I look at it)...I also have no power over whether or not they listen or benefit. If I am only powerless over alcohol, I will still drive myself crazy trying to control everything and I will not be motivated or able to have a power greater than myself and to turn things over to him as I understand him. If I assume alcohol is the only thing I am powerless over, why turn my entire will over to a higher power as opposed to only the part as it relates to alcohol?
The big book was written a while ago, and it is now the crux of a gazillion other 12 step programs, even though it refers to Alcohol. Why would this be and why would those programs work if we are not also powerless over food (OA), Sex (SLA), other people (CODA), other drinker (Alanon), other drugs (NA)...the list goes on. For the majority of us alcoholics...we are also addicts by nature and assuming we have power over other things outside ourselves will lead to trouble. I could reason I am only powerless over alcohol so I should just do crack instead. An overly literal interpretation of step 1 dangerous in my opinion.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi Jane, we missed you. Been in kinda of a funk myself for a week or so, where control and powerlessness where at odds with each other and me. I do find it helpful for me to try and pinpoint the source and in most cases it's self centered fear "the chief motivator of all our character defects".
All through, both, the Big Book and the 12 & 12 reminds me of my powerlessness. That why my sponsor and others refer me to them so often. Off the top of my head there is lots of good stuff about powerlessness in the 12 &12's 4th Step.
In our Daily Refections Jan. 3, pg.11- also tells me about my powerlessness. Sponsor will also send me to As Bill See's It, pg. 47 when I need a dose of reminding.
People, places and things were a major part of my excuses to drink. So, for me, if I'm in total acceptance of that powerlessness, I have a good chance of staying sober today.
Hi Jane, we missed you. Been in kinda of a funk myself for a week or so, where control and powerlessness where at odds with each other and me. I do find it helpful for me to try and pinpoint the source and in most cases it's self centered fear "the chief motivator of all our character defects".
Hey Dean!! Thank you.
And thanks for sharing. Sometimes I don't like to let people know that I'm not in a good place, but when I do, I find I'm not alone there either.
And, as for me, you are right. Self centered fear is the the main defect helping with this funk. I've moved a little through it, with help, and now comes the action part. That's always lots of fun. huh?
Im not sure if the big book "specifically" tells me that I am powerless over other people, places and things....but it does tell me alot about acceptance and serenity. Until I can accept other people in exactly the way they are...I will have no peace of mind. Acceptance is the answer for me today. My sponsor tells me and I tell myself I am powerless over other people places and things. I only have power over my reactions.
And the big one, for me, is I have to do something I don't really want to do. It's the right thing for the person involved, although they won't think so, and for me. I hate this kind of stuff. But, my job is done, I've done and gone as far as I can and it's time for me to let go.
What an order!!! I didn't want to go through with it!!!
But, with the guidance of a trusted few and all the strength I could get from My Higher Power, I did lovingly and honestly have a talk that needed to be had. The ball is in their court, it's their choice. It was really rough, but, grace of God, all seem to still be sober (or dry). I have become so close with some of my A.A. fellows and it seems to get in the way of being honest with them sometimes. And this, for sure, does not help them in their recovery. Well, looks like I've got some defects I need to look at and be honest about and I might share those with you later.
From "When Society Becomes an Addict" by Anne Wilson Schaef
"It is not possible to deal with control issues unless we are also willing to give up our feelings of powerlessness. Women particularly find this difficult due to conditioning but unless we begin to own some of our personal power & percieve it as coming from inside us we cannot begin to let go of our need to control the world around us."
1. I can't 2. He can 3. I will let Him
11. & be a channel when aligned
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
*Go ahead Dean 
)
He shared about why he called himself "PinkChip".
share those with you later.